Into the Sunset, Part II
by JustplainLilly
Summary: Sarah's dreams have come true now that her and Harry are married. Little does she know that Harry has a secret that could bring their world crashing down.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

May 21, 1912

_Sarah-_

"Excuse me; may I have another sheet of paper?" I asked the wireless operator. He stopped his movements and sighed heavily as he lifted his visibly annoyed face to me. He slid the papers toward me and went back to his work without uttering a word.

"Thank you," I said, but he didn't respond, already back to what he was doing before.

I lifted the sheets and cleared my throat,

"Um, excuse me again, but you wouldn't happen to have another pen I could use do you? This one doesn't seem to be working."

The young man, raised his brows and slowly he looked up at me. He plucked a nearby pen off the desk and handed me the pen with a tight smile.

"Is there anything else, ma'am?" he asked with an exaggerated lift of his eyebrow.

Shaking my head and I stepped back and smiled. "No, this will do."

Nodding, I thought I saw him roll his eyes as he went back to his work yet again. I couldn't help but smile, but it soon faded when I looked down at the blank sheets of paper that were in front of me. I carefully wrote George on one and Grandfather on the other.

I never imagined that informing two people that you had married could be so difficult. I had been putting this off for the past five days and knew I was well over due to tell them. I didn't know why I kept putting it off, but last night when Harry had brought the subject up, I couldn't avoid it any longer. He told me he was going to bring me down here today, but I had woken up before him that morning and decided to come by myself.

And so here I was, pen in hand and paper in front of me; everything I needed to write the messages, now all I needed were the words. I drummed the pen against the counter as my mind went rampant with ideas, but just as quickly as they came, I discarded them, none of them being what I wanted.

I wanted to express the happiness that I was feeling over being Harry's wife, but at the same time, I feared that there would be lingering questions from both of them, especially concerning the rapidness of which we had married. However, there was no doubt in my mind that no matter how I explained it to them, other people would wonder as well.

From the little I did know about pregnancy and my ability to count I gathered that the baby would be born sometime in January and even by then we would have only been married for eight months.

And there I was, back at the beginning again; my marriage. I looked down at the paper, but the glittering stones on my left hand suddenly distracted my gaze. I smiled, thinking about the ring and its previous owner, my grandmother. This turned me back to message for my grandfather; somehow, he had known this was going to happen.

With that thought, the veil that my words had been hiding behind opened like a theatre curtain and we revealed to me. I quickly pressed my pen to the paper and began to write;

_Grandfather, _

_Harry and I have married. Thank You._

_-Sarah_

For the moment, it would do. I would write him a longer letter once we had settled, but for the time being, it gave him the news and also told him how much both Harry and I appreciated his support.

I then turned to paper intended for George's message.

It was only yesterday that I had realized that Harry and I had married the day before George's twenty-second birthday, so the first thing I wrote was a birthday greeting, then I proceeded to write a near copy of what I had said to Grandfather and just like with Grandfather, another, much longer, letter would follow.

I finished my messages and once again got the wireless operators attention,

"Thank you." I said handing him the pieces of paper and pen.

He read them over and tallied the cost for me. I reached into my small handbag and handed him the money and I tip, deciding he deserved one after putting up with me. As I started to walk away, his voice called me back,

"Congratulations." He said with a smile.

I smiled back, "Thank you." Then continued down the hall and out the door to the deck, nearly running into someone when I pushed the door open.

"Oh, dear me, I'm terribly sorry." I said, coming around the other side of the door quickly. A face peered around the back of the door smiling at me,

"Hello there. How kind of you to smash into me this fine morning."

I brought my fingers to my lips to stifle the laughter that wanted to burst out of me,

"I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Lightoller."

"Oh quite all right, I couldn't hold a grudge against you, even if I tried." He brushed off his pants, even though nothing seemed to be on them, and gave me another kind smile, "So, Mrs. Lowe, what are you doing up and about so early?"

I blushed, realizing it was the first time anyone had called me that, "I'm sending wires."

"About your marriage?"

"As a matter of fact, yes."

"And do you think this news will be greeted with open arms?" he asked offering me his arm, which I accepted.

"Yes, I believe it will." I replied as we started to walk.

"Always good to hear. So are you enjoying married life?"

"I am."

"I bet you're glad that we'll be arriving in Liverpool tonight." He turned to me as we walked along the deck, "Do you two have a place to stay when you get there?"

I shook my head, "Harry hasn't mentioned it."

"Well in that case, why don't you two come and stay at my house. There's more than enough room and I know Sylvia wouldn't mind."

I hesitated, "I'm not sure, I don't want to intrude."

"Intrude? Don't be ridiculous, we would love to have you both."

He looked so insistent, that I couldn't say no, but I didn't say yes either, "It sounds wonderful, of course I'll have to ask Harry first."

"Of course," he said opening the door that led back into my corridor. I walked through and he followed, "Why don't we all have lunch together? You can let me know then what you've decided." He suggested as we stopped at the door to Harry's room and mine.

I nodded and gave him a smile, "All right, we'll meet you in the dining room."

He smiled back, "I'll see you then."

I said good-bye and watched him walk back onto the deck before I unlocked the door and went into the room. I set my key and handbag on the desk and was taking off my hat when I heard a groan, followed quickly by a heavy sigh. I peered around the corner and saw that the peaceful Harry who I had left sleeping in the bed was gone and had been replaced by one who was tossing and turning and visibly bothered by the dream he was having.

"I didn't mean it! No….NO!"

I was at his side in an instant,

"Harry." I shook him gently with a soft hand, "Harry, Harry wake up."

At the sound of my voice, Harry's eyes snapped open. His heavy breathing was causing his chest to rise and fall at a quick pace and I looked down at him with worry in my eyes,

"Harry-"I started to say, but he quickly cut me off, seizing me by the arms and pulling himself up into a sitting position. Quickly he embraced me, clutching to me as if I were a life preserver in a turbulent sea. I could do nothing except embrace him back, and placed my hands on his back, feeling the perspiration that had accumulated on his skin during the dream.

"Forgive me." He muttered so softly I could barely hear it.

I pulled away, my eyes full of worry and question, "Forgive you for what?" I asked, pushing the damp hair away that had matted to his forehead.

He took a deep breath and held it in for a long moment before he exhaled allowing me more time to worry.

"Harry, forgive you for what?" I asked again, this time with more persistence.

He shook his head, letting it fall to his lap. He then reached up and brushed his fingers against my middle, pushing the silk fabric of my dress against my stomach where our child grew. I watched as a small smile appeared on his face, but soon faded as he looked back up at me and shook his head, "Nothing."

I sat there dumbfounded as he rose from the bed, slipping his pajama shirt on and heading towards the bathroom. I sprang up from my seat quickly and followed him with my eyes,

"Harry!"

He turned around to face me, knowing exactly what I wanted to hear, "Please," he begged me, shaking his head, "Don't ask me anymore."

"But you-"

He approached me quickly taking my hands into his, "Sarah, you know that I love you…don't you?"

I nodded, "Of course I do."

"Then you know that it would kill me to do anything that would hurt you."

Again, I nodded, wondering silently what could be bothering him so,

He lifted my hands up, pressing them together, and kissed them tenderly, "Then trust that."

With his eyes burning desperately into my own, I found myself agreeing to his request and nodding, silently. He pressed his lips together in a grateful, forced smile and then continued on to the bathroom.

When he emerged a few minutes later, clean-shaven and dressed, he found me sitting on the bed, still wondering what had happened.

I looked up when he entered and was surprised when I saw smile lighting up his face. He bent over to kiss me, acting as if nothing had happened. My first instinct was to push him away but as his pressed, his lips more firmly against my own and cupped my face into hands I couldn't help but forget the reason why I was so upset.

When he stopped the kiss, he stayed close, moving to my cheek and fluttering tiny kisses across it to my ear where he whispered, "You look beautiful today."

I smiled and gently brought my hand up and pushed him back so I could face him, "What happened, Harry? Please tell me."

He didn't seem bothered by my question, and the smile on his face remained, "It was just a dream and I was half awake when you began to question me." He brushed his fingers across the soft skin of my cheek, "Don't worry, I'm fine."

"You just seemed so upset." I countered.

He sighed and sat down on the bed next to me, his arm slipping around my waist, "Is this what I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life? A nagging wife, who worries over the slightest little thing." He teased.

"Would you rather I not care at all?" I asked, turning to him, my voice serious.

He frowned, "It was only a dream, a nightmare. People have them, don't tell me you haven't?"

"I have."

"Then why the worry?"

As he said those words I studied his face, saw his eyes bore no fear, and were shining and bright just like they had been over the past few days. Though there was small lump of suspicion still sitting in my stomach, it was small and I quickly brushed the feeling away. He was right, it was just a nightmare. I had had plenty of them myself and knew there was no cause for alarm.

I smiled, showing him that the thoughts had left me and he smiled back,

"So, all better?"

"Yes." I said and then reassured him with a kiss of my own.

Since we had married, which seemed far longer than just five days, I become more comfortable with showing him affection and I knew that he enjoyed it as much as I did. As our kiss deepened and those familiar feelings began to stir inside of me, another, more annoying feeling followed.

Dizzy, I pulled away from him, placed a hand on my turning stomach,

"Are you okay?"

I took a breath, "I think." I replied and took another breath.

He laughed when I began to relax, "This isn't exactly the way I pictured my honeymoon to be."

I agreed.

"But," he said coming closer to me and gently pushing me back to lie on the bed, his fingers intertwining with my own, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"You haven't once wished that I wasn't…" I indicated my stomach and he shook his head,

"No, have you?"

I thought for a moment and then shook my head, "No."

He placed his hand on top of the one that rested on my stomach, "Do you think it was that first time, too?"

"Yes."

"It's hard to imagine that all that time, the iceberg, the sinking, on the Carpathia, the inquiries…Hockley's ignorance…it was there."

I nodded, finding comfort in his words, because I now knew that through that whole mess I wasn't alone.

"It's a pretty resilient baby, wouldn't you say?" he asked and I smiled as I watched him go down and plant a sweet kiss on my middle, "Just like his old man."

I laughed, "His?"

He returned next to me, smiling broadly, "Yes, _his. _Why do you doubt it?"

I held in my laughter and shook my head, not wanting to get into the discussion I knew we were heading for, "No."

He smiled, "Good."

* * *

_Harry-_

Later on that afternoon, after I had managed to convince Sarah that everything truly was all right and after lunch with Lights where he convinced both Sarah and I to come stay with him when we arrived in Liverpool, Sarah and I came back to our room where she practically collapsed on the bed, immediately falling asleep.

It was something that she did a lot of, and I'm not sure if it was because of the baby or if she had always done it, but every afternoon, like the rise and fall of the tide, she's always took a nap. Sometimes I would lay down with her, but I never slept, I would just watch her. She always slept so soundly. Her face was always so calm and content and with her hair falling in soft wisps across her beautiful eyes and soft lips, she reminded me of an angel.

And at this very moment, that's what I was doing, laying next to my wife in the bed that had quickly become ours over the past few days, watching her dream. Unfortunately, the thoughts that were going through my mind were far from the happy ones that she appeared to have in her dreams. I couldn't seem to get over the one that I had had earlier.

Life over the last five days had been damn near perfect. It seemed my life hadn't really begun until I married her. The passion that we had between us before had nothing on what we now shared. I always wanted her close to me and she seemed to have no objections, if anything I'd say she felt exactly the same way. The morning after our wedding, she snuck up on me while I was shaving and nearly caused me to cut off my left ear. Of course, it all turned to be yet another perfect moment, the second of many perfect moments we had experienced since she became my wife. However, all that came to a screeching halt when I fell asleep last night.

The dream had started fine; Sarah and I walking hand in hand on a beach then out of nowhere, Rose appeared. The truth came flooding out of Rose's mouth and the hurt on Sarah's face stung at me like a thousand bee stings right into my heart. She had yelled, screamed and delivered me a hard slap across the face and then Taylor Hockley appeared, almost in the same way that Rose had. She had taken his hand and they embraced, disappearing into the mist that I found myself standing in. That's when I woke up.

Sarah had naturally been concerned and it killed me to lie to her, but I couldn't find any other option. Thankfully, she had believed me, but that wasn't the last of my worries. We would be arriving in Liverpool in just under five hours and I still hadn't told my parents that I had married.

Sarah knew this, we had discussed it and I told her that I felt it wiser to tell my parents in person and she didn't question it. I didn't lead her onto my apprehension about it though. I tried to remember Lights' words of wisdom that he had given to me only hours before Sarah and I married. He had reminded me that I had never cared what others thought before, but I couldn't ignore the fact that my history with my parents had been rocky, especially with my father.

He had never forgiven me for leaving home at fourteen, so soon after my older brother George had passed, but as I had explained to him so many times before, he had given me no choice. He had practically forced me into an apprenticeship that I wanted nothing to do with even after I had told him that I wasn't going to work for nothing for anyone. If I was going to work I was going to be paid, that was the end of it. He hadn't seen it that way and I left. Of course, that had all been forgiven long ago, but I don't think our relationship had ever really recovered.

I pushed a long strand of hair off Sarah's face as I tried to think optimistically of the reaction that they would have towards her. They had to see how wonderful she was. The reason I had fallen in love with her had to evident to them. She was too beautiful, too kind not to love.

I stroked the soft skin of her face with tips of my fingertips and instinctively leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. The movement roused her from her sleep and she turned over on her back, stretching.

"Hm?" she asked with a sigh, her eyes, not even opening.

I smiled and leaned over farther and kissed her again, this time with more persistence. It took her a moment to realize what I wanted, but when she did her arms immediately wrapped around me and pulling me closer to her body, soul, and into yet another perfect moment.

**Be sure to R/R and tell me what you think. I'm still a bit hesitant about doing a Part II so if I did okay let me know LOL. I need all the reassurance I can get : ) : )**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Well I needed to point a few things for you guys (especially my fellow historical buffs) I am no longer following the real timeline of events with the British Inquiries and all that jazz. It is just too complicated and I wanted to get back to the root of the story, which are of course Sarah and Harry. So if you notice that the dates are all wacky now, it's because of that. **

**And oh yeah, my disclaimer…this story is based off a James Cameron's Titanic, not on the real people (though some things are borrowed from real life). If you would like to learn about the real people, I suggest ****(Awesome website ;))**

Chapter Two

May 21, 1912- Evening

_Sarah-_

The sun was just started to sink into the horizon when we finally docked in Liverpool and even from the high level of the promenade deck I could see that the dock was filled with people; family members, press and people who were just curious to see what was left of Titanic's crew

"Stay close to me, Sarah." Harry said, holding snuggly to my arm that was looped though his own.

I nodded, taking a deep breath as I looked down at the crowd below us. They were swarming like moths under the bright streetlights and I found my naïve eyes wandering in search of Harry's parents, knowing that I had no idea what they looked like.

Harry and I slowly made our way down the gangplank and into the first class level where we met up with Mr. Lightoller, the noise of the crowd finally reaching us.

"It mad down there." Lights replied, looking over the railing as we began to file down the stairs.

Harry agreed, "Yes, it is."

I had to agree with both of them. The crowd, especially the press, seemed relentless and began to hound crewmembers as soon as they stepped off the last step.

"There's Sylvia." I heard Mr. Lightoller say, he then suddenly turned around and took me by the hand, "Go to her." He told me.

"What-"

"Listen to him, Sarah." Harry said with a rush, "You have a well known face and we don't need any more attention than we have already had."

I nodded and let Mr. Lightoller push me ahead of the two and towards a woman with a wide brimmed navy blue hat. I had to push my way through a group of fifteen or so reporters before I finally reached her, all of whom followed me with their gazes. It made me thankful I was wearing a hat, but I didn't think it would conceal my identity for long.

She smiled at me and seized me into her arms as soon as I reached her,

"Dear cousin, Ella." She said so loudly, "How I've missed you!"

Looking around me, I saw what she was trying to do and one by one, the reporters turned back to my husband and Mr. Lightoller who had joined Mr. Boxhall and Mr. Pitman and a group of other men and were being furiously questioned.

"They don't even stop to think that they might want to see their families before they're bombarded with questions." She said, shaking her head in disgust she then turned to me, "Oh dear me, where are my manners, I'm Sylvia and you're Sarah, correct?"

I nodded, "Yes, thank you for-"

"This? Oh you sweet thing, don't you worry about that. I was glad to help. As soon as I got that telegram from Herb I started to concoct a clever name for my 'dear cousin'."

"He sent you a telegram about me?" I asked, after a small laugh.

She put her arm around me and began to lead me away from the crowd, "Oh yes, 'Lowe and wife S.O.S Press and lodging.' Naturally I took that to mean, keep you away from the press and that you two would be staying with us."

I began to thank her, but was then confused and asked cautiously, "How did you know my name then?"

She reached over to a nearby bench and plucked a newspaper up that had been left on it and there on the first page, near the bottom, but still front page news, read the headline:

**Titanic Officer and Passenger marry**

**_Heiress and Titanic survivor Sarah Wilkes and the doomed ship's Fifth Officer, Harold Lowe were married the 16th of May in a small ceremony on board the RMS Adriatic._**

**_The bride, is the daughter of the late Jonathan Wilkes and the late Corynn Montgomery Wilkes, both of Philadelphia. She is also the granddaughter of former New York Senator Jared Wilkes and of Philadelphian society matron, Hailey Montgomery. _**

**_The groom is the son of George Lowe, a jeweler and artist, and his wife, Emma, both of Barmouth, Wales._**

_**Neither the Lowe's nor Mrs. Montgomery could not be reached for comment, but Mr. Wilkes has expressed 'joy' over the nuptials and wishes the couple a happy and blissful life together.**_

My hands shaking, I looked over at Sylvia with shock in my eyes,

"Are you all right?" she asked, concerned.

"How did this happen?" I stammered.

Her eyes squinted in confusion, "Are you telling me you didn't know about this?"

I shook my head falling down onto the bench, "No, I had no idea."

"Oh dear." She said sitting down next to me, "That does complicate matters, doesn't it?"

* * *

More so than she could have imagined. By the time Harry made his way over to us an hour later, he was fuming, holding a crumbled paper identical to my own in his fist.

"When I find out who opened their mouth, heads are going to roll!"

"Harry, calm down." Mr. Lightoller advised, but Harry quickly brushed him off,

"My parents have probably seen this!"

"He hadn't told his parents yet." I whispered to Sylvia, who once again sighed with pity for us.

I moved towards Harry and put a comforting hand on his arm, "Did you find your parents?" I asked in a soft tone.

"No, they must have gotten held up…" he looked over at the crowd of reporters still crowding around us, "God damned press!" he muttered.

"All right, there is no reason for language, Harry, there are ladies present."

"Oh Herb, let him be angry. Put yourself in his place or even his parents, how would you feel if Roger got married and we had found out through the morning edition?"

"He's five." Mr. Lightoller replied.

"All the more reason to be upset." Sylvia replied, not missing a beat.

I smiled at the small joke exchanged between the couple and thought of how well their attitudes complimented one another. If anything Sylvia's wit was stronger than her husbands. Even Harry was amused with the two and I could see the angry scowl on his face slowly fade into a smile.

"All this talk of husbands and wives forces me to ask, if I have had the chance to kiss my own lovely wife yet?" Mr. Lightoller said in a sweet tone as he slipped his arm around Sylvia's waist and pulled her close to him. With one of the most romantic gestures I had ever seen, he kissed sweetly on the lips without making it seem vulgar.

She playfully pushed him away, "Herb, not in front of the children." She said, indicating Harry and I.

"What children? He's older than you are and they're _newlyweds_." He said with a wink that made me flush in embarrassment.

Sylvia laughed, "Well I can promise there will be no more of that while you two are guests in our home."

A defeated Mr. Lightoller turned to my husband, "If you were smart Harry, you'd make it a short visit."

As the crowd began to disperse and my flared temper began to die down. Lights and I walked our wives over to a cab that Sylvia had waiting for her and Sarah. As upset as I was and as reluctant as I was to leave Sarah, the White Star Line office was in need of my report of the sinking and it was something I could not avoid.

I kissed Sarah good-bye and watched the car pull away from the curb and disappear behind a corner then Lights and I walked in silence across the street and down the block to the White Star Line office. We were led straight into an office, where one of the members of the board of the directors, Harold Sanderson, was waiting for us.

"Mr. Lightoller, Mr. Lowe, please take a seat." He said as soon as the door closed behind us. I noticed that Pitman and Boxhall were all ready there and seated and Lights and I joined them.

Mr. Sanderson returned to his own chair behind the desk and folded his hands together as he rested his elbows on the surface of the desk and looked at the four of us.

"And then there were four." He muttered, looking each one of us over, though I thought he scrutinized me more than the others, he then sighed, "I'm glad to see you are all well. I know that it has not been an easy times for you either one of you, but life must go and in this business, we cannot allow ourselves to mourn forever. I realize that all four of you have been through a lot and I congratulate you all on your decorum during all of it."

"Thank you, sir." We replied in near unison.

"Now," he gently slapped his hands against the desk, "The American inquiries went well, I imagine."

"That's one way of putting it." Lights replied.

"So I understand." He replied with another glance towards me, "I've heard things."

Lights looked over and noticed the look and quickly spoke, "I can only hope the one here will be more organized."

Mr. Sanderson tore his eyes away from me and looked to Lights, "I have no doubt that they will. The Americans are known to be a bit undependable when those matters are concerned. In fact, that's the reason I wanted to meet with the four of you, to let you know when you will be giving your testimony." He said reaching for a stack of envelopes and handing one to each of us.

I opened mine and saw the dates; May 25th and 26th. Sighing I folded the paper back up and stuffed it back into the envelope. I caught Lights' gaze on me and we nodded at one another.

"Is that all you needed us for?" Pitman asked. I could tell he was anxious to get home, we all were.

"You three, yes, but Mr. Lowe, may I have a word with you?"

I was just beginning to rise from my seat like the others, but sat back down when he said my name, "Yes." I replied, and saw Lights give me a slight nod, before he followed Pitman and Boxhall out the door.

When it was shut, I turned back to him and saw the firm expression on his face.

"Mr. Lowe, normally I don't pay much attention to gossip." He began, rising from his seat and coming around the desk towards me, "but, when I hear it continuously over the course of a short period of time, I begin to wonder."

"Sir?"

He pulled out a copy of the same newspaper I had only recently thrown away at the dock and dropped it in my lap, "It says here that you are newlywed."

I swallowed, "Yes, that's right."

"Quite a quick engagement, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was."

He nodded, leaning against the edge of the desk, "There is another rumor that I've heard that maybe you could clear up for me. It concerns you and young woman in your cabin on board the Titanic."

"Yes, sir."

"Yes, sir, what? Like you know of the rumor, or that its true.?"

"I've heard the rumor, yes."

"And is it true?"

"It does not matter now."

He let out a small chuckle, "And why is that Mr. Lowe?"

"Because the woman in question is now my wife."

"Is she now?" he asked, his eyes widening with surprise.

"Yes." I replied, my voice now becoming firm.

"So she was in your cabin?"

I rose from my seat, "Whether or not she was is none of your business sir, she is my wife now and what happened between us is now only between us."

"No, Mr. Lowe, it isn't. Associating with her in that manner goes against White Star Line guidelines and you know that. Now, was she in there or not?"

I pursed my lips together tightly, refusing to answer.

He nodded, "Fine, I'll allow you to keep your secret, but only because I don't want to draw any more attention to the company. You have married the girl, so you have done right by her and her family."

"May I go then?" I asked, more than anxious to be out of here.

He nodded and flipped his hand, indicating the door. I rose from my seat and started for it, when his voice pulled me back,

"Oh, one more thing…"

I turned around, "Yes?"

He held up another smaller envelope, "This arrived for you about an hour ago."

I took what I assumed to be a telegram envelope with a murmur of thanks and waited until I was out of the room with the door shut behind me, before I opened it. A large lump formed in my throat as I began to read;

_Harold-_

_We saw the paper this morning and are quite shocked at finding you've married. I hope you have an reasonable explanation for this rash decision. We will be arriving in Liverpool tomorrow afternoon._

There was no signature, but the cold, harsh words of my father were unmistakable. I could feel his anger emitting off the page and I quickly stuffed it into my pocket to silence them.

"Harry?"

It was Lights.

I quickly put a mask on over my upset and looked up at him.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked.

I nodded, "Yes, let's get out of here."

* * *

I know, it was a bit boring, but the next chapter should be better wink wink...oh and btw HAPPY EASTER!


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, sorry it took me so long to update. I've been doing my usual stressing over chapters and then there's school and finals. Anyway here's Chapter 3 and I hope it doesn't take me as long to post Chapter 4 (maybe your wonderful reviews will inspire me ;) ) **

**Oh and for anyone who doesn't all ready know, Tipper and I are now doing a Cal story together! So go check it out :)**

Chapter Three

_-Harry_

On the way back to Lights' house, the meeting with Mr. Sanderson and the telegram he had given me from my parents were weighing heavily on my mind. Lights glanced over at me from time to time, but he didn't ask any questions. I knew I wouldn't be able to hide the telegram for very long, I was going to have to tell Sarah and I was not looking forward to it.

We found Sarah and Sylvia in the dining room with an older woman that Lights quietly told me was the housekeeper, Mrs. James. Sarah looked up when she saw me enter the room and immediately put down the platter she had been carrying and came over to see me.

She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and was smiling at me as she pulled away, but my anxiety must have been far more evident than I realized, because the smile immediately faded from her face and her brow burrowed, "What is it?" she asked in a soft whisper than only she and I could hear.

I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, "Later." I said and she nodded, somewhat reluctantly, but clasped her hand securely around mine just as Sylvia spoke up and announced that dinner was ready. Sarah led me over to our chairs and I pulled her chair out for her, ignoring the chatter that was going on around me.

Lights' children were being especially loud, but neither Lights nor Sylvia seemed to mind. Even Sarah seemed to enjoy their babble and actually began to encourage the oldest child, Roger, who was sitting next to her. But I kept to myself. I was sure she noticed, but she appeared to be completely oblivious to it and stayed in the conversation that had started around the dinner table.

After the meal had ended, Sarah, to my surprise, went into the kitchen with Sylvia and Mrs. James to help clean up. Given her background, I doubted domestic duties were part of her repertoire, but it seemed as she was willing to learn and I didn't want to stand in her way. Lights took his two sons up stairs while I excused myself to mine and Sarah's room.

I sat myself down on the bed and dug into my pocket and brought the telegram out. I couldn't bring myself to open it and read it again. Not that I needed to see them to remember my fathers words, they were permanently etched in my mind and showed no sign of vacating.

Sighing I stood up and went over to the window and pushed the eye-lit lace curtain aside, starring down at the quiet street below me. I closed my eyes, trying to find a short moment's peace inside of me, but I opened them only a short time later realizing that my effort was wasted. Pressing my head against the cool glass, I realized the true reason of why I was so upset with the telegram. It wasn't that my parents were angry, or the fact that my relationship with them had been strained enough over the years and didn't need something like this to test its strength again; it was because they had found out from someone other than myself. I had planned to tell them about Sarah and the marriage in my own time but a newspaper had beat me to it.

Once upon a time, they had had such high hopes for me and I knew I had shattered many of them when they read that I had married without them there. Family was especially important to my mother and in the quiet of the room I could practically hear her tears of disappointment ringing in my ears along with my father's berating.

A soft touch on my shoulder, followed by a pair of delicate arms wrapping around my waist brought me out of my contemplative state and I veered my head slowly around so that Sarah's beautiful face could push away my distress.

"A penny for your thoughts," she said with a look of sweet tenderness on her face.

I held my hand out, mocking her, and she playfully slapped it away, giggling, "Harry."

I was unable to hold my humor though and she watched with worried eyes as the smile formed on my lips and I watched as hers quickly followed,

"What is it?"

"I've wanted to talk to you all evening."

She nodded, "Yes, I know. What's happened? Is it your parents?"

To answer her question I held up the telegram, allowing her to take it out of my hand. She opened it, still standing next to me at the window, brushing a strand of hair away from her face that had fallen away from her hair clasp. I watched her eyes dart back and forth across the yellow paper and saw her face fall as she finished,

"I was afraid of this." She replied quietly, still not looking up from the paper. "I've never even met them and they…" she looked up, handing the telegram back to me, "…They just sound so cross."

"Well, they are," I said taking it. "Thanks to who ever opened their mouth about us getting married."

"Are you telling me they wouldn't have been angry if you had told them yourself?"

Seeing her point, I shrugged my shoulders, "Well, perhaps, but at least then they could have heard the whole story before they could begin to make judgments."

She sighed, giving me a slight frown as she crossed her arms over her breasts, "Even then I don't think things would have been any different. We're not at sea anymore, we're back in reality. I'm sure if my parents were alive…they'd feel the same way."

I shook my head, "You don't know that."

She shook her own head, letting it fall as she pursed her lips together, "Are you going to tell them about the baby?"

My silence answered her question and she snapped her head up, glaring at me with accusing eyes, "Harry!"

I swallowed back my fury, trying to remain composed, "Of course I was going to tell them. It is their grandchild for God's sake. I just have more going on in my head than I know what to handle, all right and quite frankly our child is the least of my worries at the moment. To look at you, no one can even tell that you are expecting and for the time being I'd like to keep it that way."

"So when were you going to mention it? They're going to notice, Harry. It's all ready becoming harder to get into some of my clothes. Then there's the fact that I'm sick nearly every morning. It won't be long before I start to show."

"I realize that."

"Then why the hesitation? Why didn't you answer me when I asked you a simple question?"

I had to hand it Sarah, she really was beginning to find herself underneath the cover of innocence and refinement she had concealed herself with for so long, but I didn't appreciate her attitude, or the fact that she seemed to be winning this argument. It seemed after all these years I had finally met my match.

"Harry, I'm waiting," she said, pulling my attention back to her.

"Look," I relented, "You're right, I shouldn't have done that. I will them, I promise."

Any other person would have used this opportunity to rub my defeat in my face, but Sarah moved closer to me with a gently smile on her face and embraced me snuggly,

"I know you will." She replied, then pulled away, but keeping her arms around my neck, "I wish there was some way I could reassure you that everything would be all right, though."

I shook my head, "No, this is my mess. I should have let them know what was going on when I had the chance."

"Everything will be fine." She said, running her fingers through my hair, "You'll just explain to them what happened and I'm sure that they'll understand."

I nodded and gave her a small smile, but I still wasn't convinced. She gave me a quick kiss before going into the bathroom to change for bed, leaving me alone once again, longing for the confidence that came so easily to her.

No matter what anyone said or did, this situation was never going to look any better to me. I just prayed that by tomorrow I could find the words that would at least ease their upset. Either way there was no possibility of me escaping their scrutiny.

* * *

_Sarah-_

Harry might have thought that he had convinced me that his nerves were calmed, but all it took was to feel his thrashing around in the bed that night to know that it was far from the truth. I had kept my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep and oblivious to his sleeplessness, but was unable to ignore him any longer when he got up and began to walk around the bedroom.

I propped myself up on my elbows and watched him move back and forth across the room,

"Harry." I whispered, "Come back to bed."

"I can't sleep." He muttered and left it at that.

Sighing I turned over in the bed, knowing that no amount of talking was going to make him feel better now that he had gotten himself all worked up. I spent the rest of the night curled up in bed with my back to him, weaving in and out slumber as he continued to pace around the room.

Despite the fact that he had hardly slept the night before, he was strangely alert and energetic the next morning. Although I was quick to realize that it was more a less a desire to get this meeting with his parents over and done with, Mr. Lightoller and Sylvia saw it as excitement and as I was putting my coat on to go out the door, Sylvia commented it to me and wished us the best.

"I know everything will be fine." She told me with a wink that gave me confidence. Even though I had only met her the night before, I found her to be a lovely person and hoped we would have a chance for a friendship to develop.

I smiled, thanked her and followed Harry out to the car he had waiting for us on the street. Once we were in the car and pulling away from the Lightoller's, Harry exhaled slowly and fell back against the seat, crossing his arms over his chest. Then ever so slowly, his foot began to tap on the floor of the car.

"You really should calm down." I said, placing my hand on top of his.

"I'm calm…I'm just…nervous," he said, seemingly unaware of his redundancy.

I hid my amusement and sat back in the seat focusing on the passing scenery out my window, and was doing just fine with that when Harry got my attention.

"How can you be so at ease?"

"What do you mean?"

"How can you sit there and not worry about this?"

"Should I be worried?"

He sighed, "Well, I would think that you would be."

"I'm not." I answered truthfully and then turned away from him.

We rode on, but this time I paid little attention to anything else but the knot that was starting to form in my stomach. I took a deep breath in an attempt to make it disappear, but it only made the knot grow bigger and brought with it a feeling of dread. He was right, I should be worried.

I nervously began to coil the strap of my handbag around finger as I thought about all the possible horrible reactions his parents would have when they saw us. I saw screaming and blue faces and worst of all, silent, harsh stares.

By the time we pulled up to the hotel, I was a mess of nerves and worries and actually hesitated before I allowed Harry to help me out of the car.

As he placed his hat on the top of his head I smoothed out the green and white dress I had chosen to wear that day and then straightened my own hat,

"Do I look all right?" I asked and he answered with quick nod and tight grin. Not the kind of reassurance I was looking for. Suddenly I was self-conscious about everything, including my appearance and I needed some kind of reassurance that I wasn't going to look like a fool in front of my husbands parents.

As Harry led me up the front steps towards the hotel entrance, I cursed myself for wearing this dress and thought of the many others that I could have worn today, but I just had to choose this one. Shaking my head in shame at myself I let Harry lead me into the inside the hotel where we were greeted with a sparsely crowded entrance hall where the front desk was located.

Harry stopped and surveyed our surroundings, his gaze coming to a stop when he looked over near the arched entry way to the lobby that was to our left.

"There they are." He whispered and I looked over to where his eyes had fallen and saw two people, a man and woman, making their way towards us .

His mother was a small woman, at least two inches shorter than I was, with the same dark hair as her son. Her skin was fair and the dark blue dress she wore only enhanced it. His father on the other hand, was tall and it was quite clear that Harry took after him. He had sharp features, a strong jaw and was still quite fit for a man his age. The one feature both of his parents seemed to share though were the grim expressions on their faces as they came towards us

I was able to give Harry one nervous glance before the two reached us and brought an increase to tension all ready surrounding us. Both of their eyes were suddenly on me and I began to cower back as they performed a quick yet thorough examination. I clutched Harry's hand tightly,

"Harold." His mother acknowledged.

Harry nodded and brought his hand up to indicate me, "This is-"

"We know who she is, Harold." His father answered gruffly, "Your wife."

Harry nodded and let his hand fall back down to his side, "Right."

"Sarah is it?" his mother asked in a tone far different from her husbands.

"Yes," I held my hand out, sensing her need for peace, "It's so lovely to finally meet you, Mrs. Lowe."

She politely reached over and took my hand and shook it quickly before releasing my hand. She then cleared her throat and gave Harry a stern look that rivaled her husbands, "Why don't we go into the lobby, I suddenly feel the need to sit down."

And so we all followed closely behind her as she led us into lobby and over to two sofas that were set up especially for conversation. Mrs. Lowe began to fire off her questions as soon as we were seated, not wasting any time, it seemed, to find out everything she could about Harry and I.

"What was the wedding like?" she asked, folding her hands in her lap.

"Small." Harry answered.

"Who married you?"

"The ships chaplain."

"Reverend Davies will be quite disappointed to hear that." She turned to me, "He and Harry have always been close, ever since he was a little boy. Of course he'll be surprised to learn that you married at all." She said turning back to Harry, "We were beginning to doubt that any woman would be able to hold you down."

"Well it seems we're still right about that one, Emma." Mr. Lowe's voice suddenly boomed, "This one still looks like a girl, how old are you anyway?"

"I'm-"

"Twenty." Harry cut in quickly, "She's twenty."

My head snapped to Harry, but I wasn't about to call his lie in front of his parents.

"Twenty?" his mother repeated looking me over, "I wouldn't have guessed a day over eighteen."

"Me either." Mr. Lowe grumbled in agreement.

His words were followed by a long hollow silence that pushed me to grip Harry's hand tightly and a hard lump forming in my throat. Mrs. Lowe's eyes were on me the entire time, burning into my own as if she were searching inside of me for something she knew was there.

"Harold, I'd like to speak with you." She said shortly as she pulled her eyes off of me.

Harry looked at me and then over to his father who had barely said to words to him since we had arrived, "I-"

She rose from her seat, "Right now."

Harry had no choice but to follow her, leaving me alone with my hard faced father-in-law and the large lump that was forming in my throat.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

May 22, 1912

_Harry-_

"That was a bit rude, don't you think?" I asked my mother as soon as we were out of earshot of Sarah and my father.

"No, I don't. What would have been rude is me telling you exactlywhat I think of you in front of that poor girl. Harold, what has gotten into you?"

"Nothing has gotten into me. You've seen her, she's-"

"She's a lovely girl, yes, I can see that, but as true as that is it does not excuse your behavior. Who marries someone after only knowing them a month?"

"Apparently, I do." I answered quickly.

She responded with a glare, "Don't get smart with me. No matter how old you are I am still your mother."

I opened my mouth to offer a forced apology, but she cut me off quickly,

"I just don't understand this. She's so young."

"She's not that young." I replied, following an annoyed sigh.

She eyed me, letting it be plainly seen that I hadn't fooled her, "So you say. What does her family think of all of this. I'm sure they're just as shocked as we were."

"You read the newspaper." I answered trying to be as vague as possible.

She sighed heavily," I did, but I don't buy it. Are we going to be able to meet them?"

"I'm sure, at some point."

Her eyes looked past me and to Sarah who was sitting uncomfortably with my father, "She seems so out of place here."

"What?" I turned around to take in the picture of Sarah, sitting quite stiffly across from my father, rolling the strap of her handbag in her fingers as she struggled to keep some sense of decorum under the circumstances I had left her in. Despite the fact that she was visibly uncomfortable to me, I turned to my mother and replied" That's ridiculous, she does not."

My mother gave me a look of strong reprimand, "Look at her Harold, the way she sits, the way she carries herself, the way she speaks. She is nothing like any of the girls you've shown interest in before."

"Well we've found something we can agree about." I said, but she went on as if she hadn't even heard what I had said,

"I thought you had grown out of these kind of rash actions and decisions. You're acting as if you were thirteen again; young and foolish."

"I may have been young, but I was never foolish." I told her conclusively.

She raised her eyebrows, "That's a matter of opinion."

"Look," I began, trying my best to avoid the discussion that I knew was coming, "You obviously brought me aside for a reason, now what is it?"

"I want the truth." She said, firmly, "I know there's more to this situation than what you are letting on and I have a right to know what it is."

"If I was child, that would be true, but I'm not, I'm a man and I have been for quite some time now."

"And she hasn't been a woman near as long as you've been a man, has she?"

I didn't answer, and she nodded her head as everything she had questioned was confirmed to her,

"How old is she?"

"Seventeen." I surrendered.

She sighed heavily, giving me a stern look as she did so, "I was guessing around that." She fell silent, shaking her head, "Lord, she's younger than Edward." She said referring to my youngest brother who had turned nineteen only two months before.

"Harold, she's so young…why?"

I crossed my arms over my chest and averted my eyes from her, actually pleased I had come clean with her, but feeling ignorant at the same time for lying to her in the first place, "I didn't plan it this way."

"You shouldn't have lied, I raised you better than that."

I nodded, "Yes, I know that."

"Were you ashamed?"

I kept my gaze fixed on the opposite wall and shook my head.

"Was it your father?" she asked, knowing that the answer was all ready 'Yes'.

I turned back to face her, confirming her guess and she nodded. "I guess I should have realized that. Your relationship hasn't exactly been a sound one in the past fifteen or so years, has it?"

"No," I replied, shaking my head, "It hasn't."

"Well I can safely speak for both of us when I say that her age doesn't matter as much as the speed in which you married. You say you met on that ship, that was only a month and half ago. I have my suspicions of why you did it so quickly, I've not confided them in your father, but you need to tell me, did you have to get married?"

I closed my eyes, knowing that she all ready knew the answer and knowing full well there was no way I could talk my way out of it, "Yes."

I heard her slowly exhale as she absorbed the news. When I opened my eyes I saw, to my amazement, that she was handling the news in a graceful manner.

"When did this happen?"

"Sarah says the baby will be here in January, just after Christmas, that should answer your question."

My mother's quick thinking sprung into action and she replied, "So last month?"

I nodded, "Yes."

She pressed her hands to her temples and sighed, shaking her head.

"Mum, I didn't mean to disappoint you."

"I know you didn't." she responded and then looked up at me, "I just, expected more from you. Oh, what is your father going to say about this? You know how he is about this sort of thing."

"I'll tell him." I told her in a firm voice, "It's not something you need to worry about."

"But I will anyway and you know that. I just wish I could understand what would possess you to do something like this. I know I raised you to respect all woman. You can no longer call yourself a gentleman because of this."

"That's the least of my worries right now."

"You're right." She replied, suddenly becoming stern again, "How are you going to explain this to your father?"

"I'll find a way."

"Let's hope you do, he's all ready sore with you and your news isn't going to make it any better."

I nodded and turned back to look in my father and wife's direction, but quickly noticed that Sarah was gone. I looked to my mother, who had also noticed and then swiftly made my way over to my father,

"Where is she?" I asked.

He looked up with a blank expression on his face, "Who?"

"You know who I mean."

"That child you call your wife, she went that way." He said pointing towards the entryway of the hotel. I took one final look at my parents before I ran off in the direction he had indicated.

* * *

_Sarah-_

Seeing Harry deeply involved in conversation with his mother, I decided to let my anger towards him about lying about my age go for a moment, and turned to his father,

"How was your trip?" I asked bravely to the stone-faced man that sat across from me.

"Fine." He answered curtly.

Realizing I failed, I gathered up the courage to try again, "Is it very far, from where you're from to here?"

He scoffed quickly, "You have no idea where I'm from, do you?"

"Of cour-"

"I'm not surprised, you probably haven't even been around my son long enough to even learn his birthday."

His comment was harsh and realizing that no matter what I said, he was going come back with an equally callous response, I sat back against the sofa and turned away from him. I saw Harry and his mother off in a far corner of the lobby, both wrapped up in a seemingly serious conversation.

I was so angry with him for lying. Not only did it seem unnecessary to me, but also for some reason it scared me how easily he had done it. I had to turn away from him before my rage became noticeable, but this only led me back to my father-in-law.

He was looking off in another direction, and his absent gaze allowed a sense of bravery to rise up from inside of me. I decided to stop dancing around the subject and face the tension between us head on,

"Mr. Lowe, I'm sorry about how you found out about our marriage. Harry wanted to tell you himself."

He turned to me, looking somewhat impressed at my gall, but his response was just a unpleasant as I had expected it to be,

"Young woman, my son has always done irresponsible things like this, I can't see why marrying you would be any different."

Holding back my anger, I replied in my most rational voice, "I know how this must look, but I assure you Harry and I are very happy together."

"Assure me?" he sneered, "Can you assure me that my son's career will not be ruined because of this? He is an officer, you were a passenger. I can't make up my mind which of you was the more foolish."

"But, it wasn't like that," I tried to defend my position. "Please, Mr. Lowe, don't be upset with Harry."

He moved off the edge of his seat towards me, his eyes burning with fury," What I feel for my son doesn't concern you, young woman. As far as I'm concerned, your connection with him doesn't go beyond lust. I imagine he seemed appealing to you, being an officer. Now, he's married you and probably ruined his life in the process."

His words cracked violently around me and I could feel myself begin to shake in fear as his eyes continued to burn through my own. I looked over towards Harry, momentarily forgetting my anger towards him and wanting him to liberate me from this place he had left me in, but he was far too involved with his mother to realize my upset. Finding the few drops of bravery I had left, I turned back to Mr. Lowe,

"Excuse me." I said with a shaking voice and rose from my seat. I kept my head high and my posture straight as I walked out of the lobby and into the front hall. I amazed myself by making it out onto the front steps of the hotel before I broke down in tears, ignoring the passer byers who looked at me with shame for my actions. Deciding I did not want to the subject of more ridicule, I wiped my face and headed down the steps towards the line of taxicabs that was waiting for passengers. I got into one and told him the Lightoller's address.

I was so upset, I didn't even care that I left without telling anyone where I had gone, all I cared about was getting as far away from that place as possible and a short time later when the taxi finally pulled up to the Lightoller's I practically sprung out of from the car and threw the money at the driver.

"Sarah?" Sylvia asked, looking up from her needlepoint as I came through the front door, "What are you doing here? I thought you and Harry-"she stopped, taking a good look at me, "Darling, have you been crying?" she set the needlepoint down and rose, coming towards me with a worried expression, "Sarah, what happened?"

"Where are the children?" I asked, not wanting to make a scene in front of them.

"Herb took Roger to the park and Trevor is napping, here come sit down." She took my hand and led me over to the sofa. When I was sitting, she turned to me, still holding onto my hand, her blue eyes trying to seek out the problem inside of me, "Now tell me about it."

"I don't even know where to begin." I said feeling more tears brimming in the creases of my eyes.

Sylvia patted my hand in a comforting manner, "Well let's start with Harry, where is he?"

"At the hotel." I sniffed.

"All right, why aren't you there with him?"

I answered her and slowly the explanation for it all because to drip out on its own. She listened attentively, taking in every word that came out of my mouth and when I was done she embraced me snuggly,

"As if you didn't all ready have enough on your plate." She remarked, then pulled away from me, "I cannot believe his father said that you."

"I know."

"People say things they don't mean when they are angry. I wouldn't let it affect you like this."

"And what about what he did," I asked, referring to Harry, "Lying about how old I was."

"Perhaps he didn't mean it, we all saw how nervous he was this morning, maybe it just…slipped out."

"Perhaps." I replied not entirely convinced it was true.

"Oh Sarah, you can't let this kind of thing upset you, its not good for you or your baby."

"You know?" I asked, not surprised that she did, I was sure her husband would have told her and apparently I was right.

She nodded, "Herb told me last night." At those words sympathy filled her face and she reached for my hand, taking it into hers. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

I smiled gratefully in her direction, but it soon slipped away, pushed away for the obvious reasons.

"I-" Sylvia began, but was cut off by a small voice coming from upstairs. She turned and look up towards the sound and then back to me, "Trevor is awake, I'll be just a moment."

I nodded, and she got up and quickly made her way upstairs to her son. I sat back on the sofa and pressed my palms to my face and took a breath, trying to calm myself down, that was when I heard footsteps on the front steps, followed quickly by the front door swinging open.

"Sarah!" Harry cried upon seeing me.

I started to turn to face him but he was in front of me quicker than I could turn and was pulled roughly by the arms, allowing me a glimpse into his anger-filled eyes,

"Where the bloody hell have you been?"

There was a part of me that wanted to answer calmly and tell him why I had left the hotel, but there was another, much larger part, that decided returning his anger was more appealing,

"Why do you care!" I fired back at him. "You left me alone with your father to be insulted! He practically called me a... a..." but I couldn't even bring myself to say it.

"What are you talking about? One minute you were there and the next you were gone! I was worried sick! I had no idea where you were, no one did!"

"Let go of me!" was my reply, as I tried to shrug myself from his grasp, but it only made him cling harder, forcing me to look at him.

"Sarah, why are you acting like this?" he demanded.

"He insulted me," I nearly spat out the words. "And you, you're worse than him because you're ashamed of me!"

"WHAT?"

"You heard me!" I screamed back, not even caring that Sylvia was right upstairs and could probably hear our conversation quite clearly.

"Sarah-"

"You told him I was twenty, Harry." I said reminding him of his lie.

His gaze turned as he let out a defeated sigh and released me, but I wasn't through with him.

"Why did you lie, Why?"

He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose as he did so, "I don't know."

"You don't know? That's all you can say?"

His head snapped back up at my words, "Yes, that's all I can say!"

I came to him slowly, my arms crossed tightly over my chest, "I had to sit there and listen to you tell that lie to your parents and then I had to sit there while your father accused me of trapping you in this marriage!"

"I shouldn't have lied, all right," he answered tersely, "You're upset that I lied, I understand that, but what I still don't understand is why you ran away without a word to anyone!" He glared at me, "Your immaturity has no excuse!"

My eyes widened, "How dare you say that to me!"

"Just once I'd like you to know first hand what I've had to go through for you! My job, my reputation, my family!" he swallowed hard, "You have no idea how many sacrifices I've made for us!"

"And you don't think I've done the same! I've surrendered my whole world and everything in it just for you!"

"Fancy galas, the latest fashions, the easy life of a budding debutante; yes, Sarah, you've really given up a lot! I'm the one who has to face the music for us. You're not the one who had to face your family today, it was me! As if I wasn't on shaky ground with them all ready I had to go and marry someone I've know for a month, hiding the fact that she was carrying my child and not even eighteen, you can't even begin to imagine how difficult that is!"

"If my parents were alive-"

"Yes, well they aren't, are they! And if you had one ounce of common sense you wouldn't even use that as an excuse! Your witch of a grandmother isn't here and even if she was you'd probably just hide behind me anyway, begging me to protect you!"

His harsh words were like a closed fist thrust into my middle and I actually felt myself stagger back from its impact. His face fell and became pale and he reached out to me, suddenly very conscience of how cruel he had been.

"Oh my God…Sarah-"

I held my hand up to stop him, shaking my head in the process, "No, don't."

"I didn't mean it."

"I don't want to hear it. Just…just leave me alone, all right." I said with a chill that made my voice unrecognizable to me. I turned before he could say anything more and went up the stairs to our room, leaning against the door and letting it shut against my weight.

I didn't cry, heaven help me, I wanted to, but I didn't. I just stood there, numb and listening to the hollow echo of Harry's voice in my head.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Just a little note to remind you all that these characters (all though they existed in real life) are from my imagination. I am in no way connected to any of them and encourage anyone who would like to learn more about the REAL people..so yeah...go for it! Oh and one more thing, this would have been updated A LOT earlier today but fanfic wouldn't let me upload documents (which really kind of makes the site worthless, huh?) anyway...OH and one more thing, I've been trying to get better about putting the date up with my chapters, honestly it just slips my mind somehow LOL.

Thanks for all your reviews! I love you guys (throws everyone a kiss)

* * *

Chapter Five

May 22, 1912

_Sarah-_

Like a determined hermit, I kept myself shut in the bedroom for the rest of the afternoon avoiding everyone, especially my husband. His words had stung me, leaving a dull ache in my heart along with a hard lump in my stomach. Despite all of that, took me over an hour to admit that I was partially to blame for the intensity of our argument. I didn't understand why I had acted that way, frankly I had been doing and saying a lot of things lately that weren't me. I felt so lost, like a ship with out a port, and I think it was beginning to affect me more so than I had anticipated.

Marriage and its entirety were strange to me and with the added burden of a life beginning to form in my womb, I found myself being abruptly pulled away, roots and all, from the life I had known for so long. I didn't know what to do and I began to whimper as the confusion settled in

I wanted so badly to be a good wife to Harry, to be a good mother to my child, but it didn't hit me until that very moment that I had no idea how to strive for it. Nothing in my life had prepared me for this. I was a spoiled brat, who had gotten everything she had wanted her whole life and given it all up for a life with the man I loved. Before it had seemed like a colossal sacrifice, but now, after hearing Harry's argument I now realized how insignificant it really was.

As I sat their pondering my foul up's there was a slight rap on the door. I knew it wasn't Harry so I straightened myself up in the chair in which I sat and permitted the person to enter. It was Sylvia. She carried a teacup and saucer and gave me a small smile.

"May I come in?"

It was a ridiculous question, this was her home after all, and I was beyond embarrassed that I had made such a scene downstairs earlier, but none of this seemed to bother her. I nodded to her question and she smiled again and moved towards me, handing me the tea.

"Chamomile is proven to calm one down, I should know, I've drank gallons of it since my wedding day."

I found myself smiling at her words, allowing the tension around me to break apart.

"Thank you."

She nodded and sat down across from me on the bed and watched as I took as I took a sip. When I returned the cup to the saucer, I looked up at her,

"Is Harry downstairs?"

"No," she replied with a shake of her head, "He left shortly after you came up here." She paused. "He seemed really upset, but I'm sure a good walk around the block will help him clear his mind. Now you on the other hand, I'm not so sure about."

"You're not?"

"No, I'm not. From what I have seen and from what little Herb has told me, these past few weeks have been quite trying on you. I'm not one to make assumptions, but I can't help but think that its beginning to take it toll on you.

"First the Titanic, its aftermath, what you grandmother did to you, learning that you're going to have a baby, then getting married…" she leaned over to me, placing a comforting hand on my arm, "I'm twenty-seven years old and I know for a fact I would go completely mad trying to take all of that in. You can't expect yourself, a girl of seventeen, to be able to handle all of this by yourself."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as she continued,

"I know you think having a husband should make some difference, but it doesn't. Men don't know the first thing about what a woman deals with. Emotions don't plague them like they do us and it's utterly impossible to rely on them when it comes to situations like this."

"Everything has happened so fast." I said with a crack in my voice. "I want to make things better, but I don't even know where to begin." She had given me the invitation to express what I had kept bottled up and I had seized it without question. "I know that I shouldn't have left the hotel and he has every right to be cross with me, but I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of feeling like of people throwing their opinions at us, it's my life and I will live it how I want to. I know Harry feels the same way."

She nodded sympathetically, agreeing with me. "I believe that too and I also believe that that man is completely in love with you."

I smiled and then laughed softly, "I know he is."

"And I know you love him, and that is really all that matters. No parents, no grandmothers, no senators… no one, can take that love away."

"That doesn't seem to stop them from trying."

She smiled, "Well some people are ignorant."

I laughed, wiping away the wetness that had crept from the corner of my eyes. Sylvia smiled and straightened herself up, "Now, are you Mrs. Sarah Lowe, ready to become the bigger person and tell all those people where they can put their opinions?"

I nodded, feeling confident and smiled, "Yes."

"Superb!" she said, clapping her hands together, "Now, we-"

"Am I interrupting?" a voice asked from the doorway. Both Sylvia and I turned to see Harry standing there, hat in hand, surrender in his eyes.

"No, not at all." Sylvia replied, coming to her feet, "In fact, I was just leaving." She turned to me, winking, before she strode past Harry and out the door, shutting it securely behind her.

Harry stood in his place, frozen for a moment, before he spoke, "Hi." he said awkwardly.

"Hi." I said back.

"You're talking to me," He said, relieved, "Thank God."

I smiled at the small joke and then watched as he slowly made his way over to me and took the seat that had been Sylvia's. Again, we were both silent, though I could see he was struggling to say something. Finally, he found himself.

"Sarah, I am so sorry."

"So am I."

He shook his head, "No, you don't need to apologize. What my father said…what you did, was totally just."

"No," I said shaking my head, "It wasn't, I should have come to you. You are my husband after all."

He nodded, "Well, I would have done the same thing."

I bit back a smile, "Really?"

Knowing he was caught he allowed himself to laugh at his own words, "All right maybe not."

"I didn't think so." I said and then paused, "It was a horrible fight, wasn't it."

"I've had worse."

"I don't doubt that." I said and then shook my head, "I don't ever want to fight like that again."

"Me either…I think it had been brewing for awhile though."

I nodded, not needing him to explain himself, "Yeah…" my head fell and I thought aloud, "I don't think it will be the last."

"When did soothsaying become a hobby for you?"

"It's a fact, Harry." I replied, ignoring his joke and looking up, "What made us think that happily ever existed. On top of being impossible its also quite…boring."

"Boring?"

"I love you, but Perfect day in and day out just-"

"Say no more. I think I know what you mean."

"Good, because this may have been our first fight, but I don't think it will be the last."

"It wasn't our first."

"It wasn't?" I asked, confused.

He shook his head, "Our first fight was in New York. It was about...you-know-who."

I suddenly remembered the argument we had had at the Waldorf about Cal and smiled, "I guess you're right. Well, I think it's safe to say that my lack of maturity instigated all of our arguments so far."

"Yes, all two of them." He responded sarcastically.

I smiled at his humor, but soon returned to my seriousness, "That's going to change though. It is high time I started acting my part. I don't enjoy being pushed around by others and I'm not going to allow it anymore. From now on, I'm not made of china, I'm made of stone."

"Granite or marble?" he asked jokingly and I laughed.

"I don't know."

He slowly rose to his feet and pulled me up to him, so close that his breath hit my face in warm wisps, "You'd better decide you know, there's a large difference between the two."

I giggled, "Harry-"

He pushed a finger to my lips "Quiet, I'm trying to sound debonair."

Again, I laughed and he playfully rolled his eyes in a mock of agitation, "You just don't listen do you?"

"I told you I didn't want to be pushed around anymore." Came my reply and to my own amazement found my hands sliding up his arms and pushing his jacket off as they came back down. He gave me a surprised look, but said nothing as I let the jacket drop to the floor. I took a deep breath as I looked into his eyes, finding courage I hadn't had since our wedding night.

"You know, "I began in a soft voice, "If we had done things the way they were intended, we'd still have a chaperone right now." I began to undo the buttons on his vest, "Someone watching our every move, making sure we were on our best behavior."

"Sounds like hell." He remarked, his eyes on my nimble fingers, "How long might that have lasted?"

"There's no telling…months, a year maybe."

"A year?" he asked as soon as the vest fell to the floor.

I mumbled an agreement as I began to work on his shirt.

"You know there are people, most importantly children, just outside the door." He informed me, as if I didn't know.

I smiled at him as an equal, gazing into his eyes without a flicker of unease, "Does that bother you?" I asked.

"No." he said, shaking his head, "I was just making sure it didn't bother _you_."

I abandoned his shirt and cupped his face in my hands. "All right then." I said just before I let my lips move in, seeking his own.

In one fluid motion, his arms were around me, pulling my body closer to his and down onto the bed.

Afterwards, we lay together, our bodies as close together as possible, whispering sweet nothings to one another in the room that was becoming dark as the sun began to set outside our window.

"I almost forgot." he spoke up after placing a sweet kiss on my shoulder, "I told my mother about the baby."

I smiled and turned so I was facing him, "You did?"

He nodded, "Yes."

"And, how did she take it?"

"Better than I expected." He replied after thinking for a moment, "She's disappointed in me, she made that very clear, but she's glad that I did the right thing."

"So am I." I smiled and the kissed him.

"Good." He said and then snuggled me into his arms, letting me lay my head on his chest where his rhythmic breathing lulled me into peaceful sleep.

* * *

May 25, 1912 

The next few days were uneventful. Harry's parents, who had decided to stay in town for the inquiries, were cordial towards me, but I could still feel the uneasiness, especially where his father was concerned, but I pretended not to. I always kept Sylvia's words with me, remembering especially the part about people and their opinions.

On Sunday, Harry and I joined Sylvia and Herb, as I now called Mr. Lightoller, and attended their church in downtown Liverpool. I hadn't been to church since before I had left school in April, but I enjoyed the sermon and the congregation immensely. Best of all, it was really the first time Harry and I could be man and wife in public and it was a step closer to the peaceful life that I was hoping for.

After we returned from church, Harry changed clothes and then he and Herb left for the inquiries. I couldn't understand why they had insisted on Harry giving his testimony on a Sunday, but I didn't argue. I was anxious for all of it to be over with. Titanic would always be with me, as would Rose, but I couldn't dwell on it any longer than I all ready had. I was secretly glad when Harry had said that he didn't want me there, I only argued with him so he wouldn't think ill of me, but it was over with quickly and I went back to what I was doing.

After our husbands had left Sylvia, who was fast becoming a very good friend, suggested that she and I go out.

"Maybe do a bit of shopping." She suggested and I found myself agreeing quickly to her proposal. I changed out of my church clothes and into lavender embroidered dress and jacket. I kept my hair in the beautiful twist that I had created that morning all on my own and we were off, leaving the children with Mrs. James.

I felt guilty that Sylvia and I were able to go out into the beautiful spring weather while our husbands were stuck in doors, but Sylvia was quick to banish the thought,

"How many times do you think they've basked in the sun while in Australia?" she asked out loud, "Thousands." She answered for me, "I've been cooped up all winter and spring fever is taking it toll on me. We deserve this, you and I.," she said looping her arm through my own as we approached a street bustling with people and commotion.

Stores and shops were lined up along the street with their doors wide open, letting the fragrant spring air and sunshine into their businesses and Sylvia led me into one after another quite quickly, showing me all that they had to offer.

In one of the last stores on the shops on the street, we found a well-stocked shelf full of nick knacks and such that roused my curiosity. I stayed to look at them while Sylvia wandered off towards a display of cutlery, but was soon interrupted by a familiar voice,

"Why, Sarah Wilkes, is that you?"

I turned and to my surprise saw Lorelei Spencer standing before me.

Lorelei had been one of my piers in school and at sixteen, was a year younger than I was. She was a pretty girl, with light blond hair and blue eyes. She was tall, as tall as I was, but her figure was quite voluptuous. Giving the impression that she was far older than she was, while at the same time, making me feel as if I were a twig.

"Lorelei." I practically stuttered, "What are you doing here?"

As nice as this part of town was, it wasn't a place that girls from my former society congregated, which made Lorelei's presence here even more surprising.

"I'm here with Aunt." She replied, indicating a woman behind me with the tip of her parasol, "What are you doing here?"

"Oh I'm…" I turned around, searching for Sylvia, but she was nowhere to be found. Defeated I turned back to Lorelei; "…I'm with a friend."

Her mouth formed the "Oh" express and she nodded politely.

"We have, that is, myself, Patricia and Louisa," she said referring to two other Winningham students, "Have kept up with the papers…my condolesences on your cousin's passing."

"Thank you." I acknowledged.

"Such a waste." She said, shaking her head, "But life does go on, I can see that just by looking at you. Should I say congratulations on the marriage? I must say it was rather a surprise to hear that, we were all under the impression that you hadn't even made you society debut yet."

"I hadn't." I replied, rather stiffly.

"That does explain a lot."

"Pardon me?"

"Well, he's not exactly the kind of man you marry, is he? Oh we've all enjoyed looking at the type, making even exchanging a few flirtations here and there…but marriage, well that's a different thing entirely."

"You don't even know him!" I practically snapped, "How do you know what kind of man he is?"

"Oh, Sarah," she began as if I were someone far younger than she, "A White Star Line officer. I've been on those ships many times and know their type; dashing, witty, smiles that bring you to your knees…among other things."

I crossed my arms tightly in front of me, "Now just what is that supposed to mean?" I demanded.

"Please," she scoffed, "Everyone knows why you married him and why you did it so quickly, obviously he's put you in the family way and your grandmother married you off to hide from the shame. Such a pity, I can think of at ten lads with larger fortunes than your grandmothers, chomping at the bit to get to you. Now you'll have none of that. Instead of a millionaire in your bed, you have someone who stinks of the sea, and instead of having children with a good name you'll have worthless little brats who will live on the streets, covered in filth."

I could feel my jaw hit the floor and my eyes go wide. I wanted to slap that smug look of her face and defend my family, but my hands were frozen at my sides.

She laughed, cackling as if she were a witch, "It was so good to see you, Sarah. Please drop by Winningham from time to time, I know the teachers would love to make an example of you." She then turned to leave, but I suddenly found myself grabbing her wrist and pulling her back,a flood of memories concerning her returning to me.

"You can talk all you like, MISS SPENCER, but at least I had the common decency to marry the man that was my first. I cannot wait for your wedding night when you have to explain to your new husband why a kitchen boy named Freddie long ago took something that should have been his."

Anger filled her eyes and she yanked her wrist away from my grasp, "Well at least I'll have my money to keep me warm at night, what will you have?"

I smiled my sweetest smile at her and replied, simply, in a sugary tone, "My husband."


	6. Chapter 6

**Oh thank you guys so much for all of your reviews THROWS KISSES TO ALL I really do have the best reviewers that a writer could ask for. So keep them coming! lol 

* * *

**

**Chapter Six**

_Harry-_

I'm glad to say that despite a few unexpected occurrences, the next few months of my marriage were peaceful ones.

A certain calm had come over Sarah and before my very eyes, I saw her transformation from the girl I had met into the woman who was now my wife. There was no mistaking the fact that she was the happy with her new life and for that, I was grateful. I had honestly been afraid that she would take one look at the world I called my own and turn around and go back to hers without a word, but she didn't. On several different occasions during the time we stayed with Lights and Sylvia, she was in the kitchen with Sylvia learning her way around the kitchen and how to make this and that. I may just have been partial, but the small dishes she would make on her own were quite good and when I told her so I didn't think I had ever seen her so proud of herself.

Among all the new things that she was learning, I was learning just as many about her. She wasn't the type to waste time and seemed to constantly be occupied with something or the other. She was up before I was in the morning and asleep after me at night (though there was still a nap in the afternoons). Her patience and tolerance for things amazed me. Lights' two boys were boys in every way and even though he and Sylvia seemed to have a good handle on them, they still managed to find trouble. There were a couple of occasions where the two would take walks in the park after dinner and Sarah would offer to put the children to bed. It was never easy, but she never let it get to her. She spoke in a clear stern tone and for whatever reason, they listened.

The world she had left behind didn't seem to be missed and she fell into the middle class lifestyle very nicely, though I know it wasn't easy for her, she stood firm and determined to make it work. I must admit that I was a bit nervous though, when only a week after we had arrived in Liverpool, we received a telegram from her grandfather informing us that her inheritance had been credited into my bank account. Sarah didn't seemed surprised by it and I know that I shouldn't have been, since he had told me it would happen, but it was the amount that got me. Seven million American dollars; it was what her father had left her plus a little extra from her grandfather and brother. What furthered my shock was the fact that it could have been much more, if her grandmother had approved of our marriage. Twenty-five to thirty million.

The numbers didn't seem to cause any concern in her and she brushed it off as if it were nothing, causing us to fight. I didn't want the money; I work for my money and took no handouts from anyone. Somehow, she managed to calm me down and we decided to put most of the money away, for the baby…and any others that might come along. We did keep a small portion of it for ourselves, and with Lights and Sylvia's help began to look for a home in Liverpool.

It made sense for us to stay there. The White Star Line office was there and whenever I went back to sea again, it was one of several ports I could leave from. Sarah and Sylvia had also become quite close and it would do her good to have a friend around. So we set out, looking for a place that suited us and of course in a good neighborhood. I was prepared for an exhausting hunt, but it turned out to be for nothing. Sarah found one right away that was to her liking and I had to give her credit for it.

It was only a block from the Lightoller's and was roughly the same style, though this one was larger and had a very nice lawn on all sides. Elaborate iron fencing separated it from the neighbors on either side, giving us a certain amount of privacy. Inside there were three floors. On the first, there was the living area with kitchen, pantry, dining room, sitting room, study, two bedrooms for any help we might have and bathroom. On the second were four bedrooms and on the third a very large attic. It was something I would have never been able to afford if it weren't for the money and as much as I wanted to angry about it, I couldn't. Sarah deserved it and that's all that mattered.

By the second to last week in June, the papers were signed and the sale for the house was complete and Sarah and Sylvia went right to work filling it up. I had to give the two the credit they deserved when only a week after we had moved in the house appeared to be finished, though Sarah insisted it still needed a few "homey touches".

By the second week we had hired a housekeeper, which Sarah maintained was all she really needed. Her name was Lydia Crewe, and she was about my mothers age and was quite pleasant. If anything she was more of an assistant to Sarah than a servant. Sarah was doing the laundry, cleaning and cooking, all with Mrs. Crewe by her side and I think Mrs. Crewe found my wife's strive to become a housewife even more amusing than I did.

However, the house wasn't the only thing that seemed to be growing, so was Sarah's middle. One morning in early July, I actually woke before she did and not wanting to wake her I left the room and washed and dressed myself for the day in silence. Mrs. Crewe had coffee and eggs waiting for me at the table and I had just settled myself down in the chair when Sarah came downstairs in her dressing gown.

"Good morning." I told her with a smile.

She smiled back and came over to me, pulling me up by the arm and into the hallway away from Mrs. Crewe's range of sight and hearing. There was a glint in her eyes that was unfamiliar to me and thinking I knew that she was looking for a certain something I began to lean into kiss her, but she stopped me quickly.

"No."

"No?"

She giggled softly at my question and tone. "I can never be spontaneous without this happening, can I?"

I didn't answer and moved in to kiss her again, this time with the intention to not be pushed away, but to my annoyance she did it again.

"I came down here to show you something?"

I gave her a look, "Down here? All right, but I think we should at least go into the sitting room." I said and started for the sitting room but she grabbed my tie and pulled me back to her. I was about to let another charming sentence of mine slip out when she took my hand and placed it firmly on her middle.

At first I had no idea what she was doing, then slowly I began to realize the feeling of the small bump underneath my hand. She watched with a smile as the message became clear to me.

"Look who's decided to make their presence known." She said in a soft voice, causing the moment between us to become even heavier with emotion. I felt a surge of paternal pride shoot throughout me as the first signs of my child's life were now apparent and beneath my hand.

"It finally seems real, doesn't it?" she asked and I nodded, not taking my eyes off of my hand. I would have never noticed if she hadn't of said anything, and I'm sorry to say that I found comfort in that. I had neglected to tell my father for too long and I knew that now it was only a matter of time before anyone off the street could tell my wife was with child.

I decided that day that it had to be done, and soon. My opportunity came a few days later when my parents, who had been back in Wales since before we had bought the house, sent word they were coming to pay a visit. It was Sarah who suggested we put together a nice quiet evening at home and break the news to my father then. Seeing that it would be better to have my father make a scene in the privacy of my own home, rather than a public place, I agreed and it was decided that that was exactly what we would do.

* * *

_Sarah-_

_July 7, 1912_

"That was delicious." Mrs. Lowe exclaimed, patting her mouth lightly with her napkin, "Harold, this housekeeper of yours was quite a find. She is an excellent cook."

Harry nodded, "I'll be sure to tell her that. Sarah did quite a bit of it herself though."

"Did you?" she asked turning to me and I smiled uncomfortably under her surprised gaze, "Yes, just the bread and vegetables though."

"And those were quite good, weren't they, George?"

My father-in-law grunted a response, not looking up from his empty plate. Obviously, he had enjoyed the meal as much as his wife had, but he would never admit it. He's resistance brought a smile to my lips and I rose from the table,

"I'll go tell Mrs. Crewe we're ready for the coffee." I said and Harry gave me a slight nod from across the table. We had planned this. He was sure his mother would offer to help me and sure enough just as I had pushed my seat away she was offering.

We left the two of them, father and son, in the dining room and made our way into the kitchen where Mrs. Crewe was all ready preparing a tray for the coffee, using the new china I had bought only the week before.

Mrs. Lowe hung near the closed door that led to the dining room, a tense look on her face. There was apart of me that wanted to speak to her, but there was another, much larger part that decided against it. I had never had a conversation with her alone and when I knew for a fact that she was still quite upset with both Harry and I, I didn't dare try to start one. Instead I grabbed a plate from the cupboard and proceeded to fill it with slices of raspberry coffee cake that had been baked that morning.

When I had arranged them to my liking I turned to set the plate on the tray but stop mid-step as a sudden pain shot up from my middle and through out my body. The shock and intensity were too strong for me and the plate fell from my hands, crashing to the floor as I fell back against the counter. I clutched my stomach and let out a scream that echoed off the walls, stinging even my own ears.

Mrs. Crewe gasped, the spoons in her hand dropping and landing on the tray with a clatter as she rushed to my side. "Mrs. Lowe?" I heard her say, but was too taken with the pain to respond. My eyes began to blur as tears began to creep from the corners and cloud over my sight and then another pain came, sharp as a knife and I screamed again feeling it rip thoughout me. No longer able to support myself, I slid to the ground and called out for Harry.

* * *

_Harry-_

Barely a second had passed between her screams and the time I made it to the kitchen to see her sprawled out on the floor, her face masked in pain.

"Sarah!" I was at her side just as quickly, shouting at my mother and housekeeper, demanding to know what had happened. Their answers gave me nothing but more questions. I looked down at Sarah and my helplessness and anger combined into one hard lump that sent my temper over the edge.

"CALL A BLOODY DOCTOR, WILL YOU!" I snapped to anyone within earshot, and scooped Sarah up in my arms, lifting her off the hard floor. She was still very conscious as I carried her into the sitting room, muttering words I couldn't understand through her winces of pain. As I set her down she clung to me, her eyes wide with fear and I tried with desperation to hide my own.

"The baby…" she whispered and I nodded, not knowing what to tell her. I'm sure my fear matched her own. I had never seen anything like this before and my abilities to make her pain disappear were none existent.

My hands shook as I pushed away a strand of her hair, trying my best to make her comfortable and I leaned in and kissed the top of her forehead, suddenly pushing the blame of this on myself. I had asked to much of her and let her get away with doing more than she should have been doing. They don't call it a delicate condition for no reason and now because of my needs and my stupidity she was lying here in pain and possibly…no, I couldn't even let that thought into my mind. It was far too painful.

Sarah whimpers brought my attention back to her and I took her hand into mine and squeezed it for reassurance.

"Please, God…" She prayed as tears fell down her cheek, leaving a wet line behind that I carefully wiped away with my thumb, "Please, don't do this."

Cupping her hand within my own, I bowed my head and prayed for the same, all the while, hiding my own tears in one last attempt to keep my brave front. When I looked up again, her face grew even paler if that was possible as another pain gripped her body causing her to curl in a fetal position.

"The... doctor..." she moaned. "Harry, get... the doctor," she barely whispered before slipping into unconsciousness.

"Sarah!" I felt the scream burn through my body as my wife lay still before me, pale and unmoving.

"Harry," I heard my mother behind me as a gentle hand touched my shoulder. But I wanted no comfort. I only wanted my wife conscious and telling me everything was alright."The doctor is on his way," she said.

Relief flooded me as I took Sarah's limp hand and kissed it. "Did you hear that? The doctor is on his way and everything will be fine." My lips trembled as I spoke and I kissed her hand one final time before I dropped my head next to hers and waited.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone, thank you so much for all of those wonderful reviews! **

**I just wanted to address, quickly, the confusion that I caused in the last chapter. Sarah DID NOT go into labor and I'm so sorry for not being more clear on that lol. At this point in the story she's only 2-3 months along so obviously its not possible for that to happen.**

**Cal, Cal, Cal…lol well this is something I didn't count on. Cal will be back, trust me, but for right now I'm just focusing on Harry and Sarah. Look for Cal to be mentioned within the next couple chapters and he'll reappear soon after that : ) **

**Again, thank you so much for the reviews and keep them coming, they truly make my day : ) : ) **

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

_Harry-_

An hour later, with those stomach-turning feelings still roaming freely inside of me, I took to the back porch, looking for some solace from the worry and dread that filled the atmosphere in my house. The doctor had arrived not long after Mrs. Crewe had called and had immediately pushed me and my mother out of the sitting room, closing the door and putting a barrier between Sarah and I that I did not want. I had spent a half hour pacing back and forth in the front hall, before heading outside.

Letting the door click shut behind me I moved to the left and let myself relax against the rough brick wall. I swallowed back a hard lump as I reached into my pocket and took out the cigarette case. Using my thumb, I flicked the lid open and pulled one out, lighting it with a quick expertise that I hadn't exercised since I was a teenager. I then eagerly inhaled the smoke, letting it fill my lungs, before letting it slip out between my lips in a long slow trail that quickly dissipated as it floated up towards the thick clouds that hung in the evening sky. I then took another puff; still seeking the calm that I knew would come to me. I hadn't smoked in years, but after what had happened tonight, I was in desperate need of anything to soothe my strained nerves. I cursed God for being so cruel, but then quickly retracted it. It didn't do any good and I knew that I had no one to blame for my problems except for myself.

No, I then thought, there were plenty of people to blame. Rose, Hockley, Sarah's dominating grandmother and aunt, even my father. I blamed them all, cursed them all at that moment, wanting to attribute all of their faults for why Sarah was lying on a sofa in our sitting room, unconscious and…the baby. The thought of my unborn child forced me to close my eyes, as my chin quivered with the thought of never being able to lay eyes on it. Two months since I had discovered its presence, three since its conception and still it was as real and solid to me as the brick wall I was leaning against. It had taken me awhile to get used to the idea, I admit, but once I had, there was no going back and now with the threat of losing it hanging over me like the blade of guillotine, I was ready to say or do anything to save it and her.

"Mind if I bum a smoke?"

My eyes opened as my father's voice reached my ears and I turned to him, taking another puff of my own cigarette as he stood there, eyes dark, from the doorway. Feeling both numb and aimless, I held the case out for him and he took one, giving me a nod of thanks as he placed it in between his lips and lit it.

He lingered near the door, taking a few puffs off his cigarette and letting the tension between us become thicker by the second. I didn't want to be the one to speak first. It was quite obvious that he knew the truth now. My father was not an ignorant man and I gathered that it had only taken him a few moments to put the pieces together…Sarah and I's quick courtship, and now the baby…I can't imagine I wouldn't feel the same way if I were in his shoes.

"So you've gone and made me a grandfather, have you?"

"You've been that for sometime now." I grumbled. "Ada did that when Cole was born." I said referring to my older sister and her son, my oldest nephew, who was nearly ten years old.

"I suppose that I should have been more specific-"

"Don't, Dad." I interrupted in an uneven voice, knowing there was no way I could handle another one of his comments about Sarah.

"Your sisters wouldn't dare do a thing like this to me; neither would your brothers for that matter. Ada, Anne and Edgar all married with your mother and I present and both had their children a respectable time after that and I'm sure Arthur, Eddie and Fred will do the same, you-"

"Are the disappointment, I know.

"Sometimes yes," he agreed with a nod, "But like it or not you are still my son and that girl inside is your wife and she is carrying my grandchild."

"Maybe she is, maybe she isn't." I added with a choke in my throat and thrusting my gaze forward away from him.

"When were you going to enlighten me with this information? Or were you going to wait until it was born and I began to wonder what that small screaming creature with my last name was doing in your wife's arms."

I shook my head, not knowing the answer to that question, "I'm not sure. I was going to tonight, but…I don't know if I would have. I'm sure Sarah would have given me hell about it though."

"Well that's refreshing, I must say. Someone on my side."

"I wouldn't say that. She's just tired of all the secrets." I said with a twinge of guilt, obviously due to my own little secret.

"So she doesn't like me, does she?"

"Should she?"

He paused and then slowly shook his head, "I suppose I could have made our first meeting a little friendlier, couldn't I?"

I took a drag off my cigarette, holding back a snort of laughter, mocking his statement, knowing full well that the Saxon's had had more compassion when invading Britain than my father had when he met Sarah.

"If I had known the truth, of course I wouldn't have been so unpleasant towards her."

"Save your words!" I snapped, not believing him for a second, "You would have hated her all the same and we both know it."

"Is it my fault you let-"

"Harold." A sound voice called from the doorway, thankfully interrupting my father's temper before it could rise any higher. I threw my cigarette on the ground and turned to my mother, desperate to hear anything she had to say. "The doctor wants to see you."

I gave her a quick nod and rushed into the house, not giving my father a second glance. When I reached the sitting room, the doors were open and I entered, finding Sarah exactly where I had left her on the sofa. Still she was unconscious, but in her sleeplike state she now appeared to quite serene, as if nothing had happened at all.

The doctor, who was young but quite knowledgeable stepped towards me and pulled me over to a corner of the room. My arms crossed as I waited for his news.

"Well?" I asked, wanting him to spare him medical gibberish and give me a straight answer.

He seemed to sense my want and was quick to say, "Your wife is fine."

"And the baby."

"And the baby," he replied. I took a deep breath, relishing in the relief that was washing over me. "Though it's still not out of harms way yet."

"What? Why?"

"It's with good reason that woman are advised to take extra precautions when they're in such a condition and from what I can see, your wife hasn't been doing that."

He was very frank about it, something I usually appreciated, but to hear him talk about Sarah that way made my fists clench.

"She is young," he continued," I can tell, but that doesn't shield her. You must stress how important it is for her to rest and keep up her strength."

I nodded.

"It may not seem like it from the outside, but her body is hard at work all day long trying to accommodate the changes. I've all ready told her this, but I'm telling you just for good measure."

"She was awake?"

He nodded, "Yes, she woke not long after you left. I told her exactly what I'm telling you and then gave her something to help her sleep. I think it would be best for her to stay off her feet for a few days, possibly a week to reenergize herself. She should probably be moved to a bed, but after that, no other movement." He told me in a stern voice. "With that said, I have every confidence that the rest of her time should be normal. She is young, quite healthy and the baby, despite this one hiccup, seems to be thriving."

"Thriving?" I asked, paternal pride coating my voice.

He chuckled softly at my question, "Yes, now," he went for his bag and shut it, "If you have any other problems, you know how to reach me."

I nodded, thanked him and shook his hand. Then he left and I was instantly at Sarah's side, checking her over myself, just to make sure. She seemed fine, calm in her sleep, but still I worried. I carried her upstairs myself and put her in our bed, removed her shoes and clothes leaving her in just her petticoat and then tucked her in as if she were a small child.

Deciding that Mrs. Crewe would take care of my parents, I pulled a chair up to the bed, sat down and waited. Firmly set in my decision that I wasn't going anywhere until she woke and told me herself that everything was all right.

* * *

_Sarah-_

When I woke the first thing I saw was Harry sitting next to me, wide awake, eyes on me. He didn't look as if he had slept the night before, but that didn't stop him from immediately asking how I was feeling and then scurrying around the room attempting to make me more comfortable when I had answered, "Fine."

He propped more pillows under my head, pushing me up to a sitting position then left the room, returning a few moments later with a cup of tea for me.

"Harry, you don't-" I began, but he hushed me, holding his hand up.

"No, the doctor wants you to stay in bed and I am determined to make it as comfortable as possible for you."

And to his credit, he did just that. I was grateful, yes, but as one day drifted into the next and the pain I had been in became a distant memory, he really began to annoy me. I couldn't move a finger without him at my side telling me not to, even holding a book in bed was too much for him and he constructed a tower of pillows in lap to hold the book up for me.

The morning of my third day in bed, Harry's mother came in to say good-bye. Despite the fact that it was my mother-in-law, I welcomed the company and the break from Harry.

"You're looking well." She said, perching herself in the chair next to my bed that was usually reserved for my husband.

"Thank you, I feel quite well."

"George sends his best." She informed me for her husband, but I could tell that it wasn't something he had actually done.

I looked down, "Harry told me he knows."

"Yes, he does. Your little scare the other night clued him in."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen."

"I know you didn't." she said with a touch of sincerity that brought my head up. "No mother means for that to happen, but it occasionally does and you're one of the lucky ones."

"Yes, I know."

The two of us fell silent. For my own part I just didn't know what to say to this woman. We barely knew one another, yet we were family. She still saw me as a stranger and I saw her as a woman who was still quite cautious of me and my position. I longed for the awkwardness between us to be gone, for us to all be a real family, but from where I was sitting, that just didn't seem to be possible…not unless I stepped forward and did something to change it. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I went out on a limb and asked,

"Did you have these problems with your children?"

She thought for a moment and then laughed softly, "As a matter of fact I did, with Harry. You know he was my third, and by them I thought that I had it all figured out, but from day one I was sick as a dog, then went that began to fade away I simply had no energy. There were a few times when I would get those pains and oh were they unbearable…as I'm sure you all ready know."

"Yes, I think I do." I said with a smile, all ready feeling myself begin to relax.

"He kept me on my toes that's for sure. From when I carried him, as a baby, as a child, even now. Let's hope this baby did not inherit that." She said with a smile. "What were you like as a child?" she suddenly asked.

I was unprepared for the question, but none the less answered to the best of my knowledge, "I was very well behaved. I never did anything unexpected until…well…"

"Marrying my son." She finished for me.

I nodded.

"Harold has always had a way with women. Even as a baby, he would smile and melt every woman's heart within his sight. It only got worse as he got older." She paused and smiled at me, "I must say though, that I never saw a woman capable of doing that to him until you came along."

I could feel myself blush furiously at the comment, but she only continued to smile.

"I know I wasn't very welcoming when I first met you, Sarah, and I want to apologize for that. You have to understand how shocking it was to open our paper one morning to see that our son had married without a word to us. I had just recovered from the thought that he could have gone down with that ship and then all the sudden there was another blow. It was a lot to deal with." She took a breath. "When I first saw you and saw how young you were I was more angry at Harry then. I felt like he had taken advantage of you and it made me sick, but then I saw how you were with one another. How he looked at you, how you looked at him and I realized that I had no reason to be angry at either one of you.

She looked at me with a kind gaze, "I wish I could say the same for my husband, but alas, I cannot. George will warm to you, of that I can assure you, but for now, he's going to be difficult to deal with."

I nodded, "I understand."

She reached over and gave my hand a tiny squeeze, "I was sure that you would." She then rose from her chair, "I must be going though. Our train leaves in an hour and I'm hardly packed." She leaned over and to my surprise gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead, "Good-bye, my dear. I'm so glad we had this little talk."

I smiled up at her, "So am I."

"You make sure my son takes good care of you." She added as she walked towards the door.

"I will." I assured her and she and I exchanged smiles before she left the room, letting the door close on her way out. I settled back into the feather pillow behind my back feeling the weight of a thousand bricks being lifted from my shoulders and smiled as I sighed a small sigh of relief. Then I looked down at the small swell in my middle and ran my fingers across it, taking comfort in the fact that everyone who needed to know of its existence, did. I smiled again then sunk down under the covers so that I was laying down and closed my eyes, doing exactly what the doctor had told me to do, and rested.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey everyone. Well first of all I want to thank each and everyone of you for you fabulous reviews! I even got a few while I was on vacation (always a nice thing to come home to) Anyway, sorry this chapter took so long to post (because it did, it really did) I don't know what's up, but I'm having a major case of the Lazy's lately, so I apologize if this wasn't proofed 100. **

**This isn't my best chapter, but its not my worst either so…lol, ENJOY!**

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Chapter Eight

October 3, 1912

_Harry-_

My breathing was erratic, my body was covered in perspiration, and a heavy brick of fear was lodged tightly in my throat. Next to me, Sarah slept soundly, unaware and undisturbed by the nightmare that had forced me awake, and I envied her. I turned from the image of her calm slumber and sat up in the bed, resting against the pillows that stuck hot and damp to my back.

It had been weeks, months probably, since I had had such a nightmare, so long in fact that I thought myself rid of them. I couldn't put my finger on which was worse, the one where Rose's secret haunted me or the one pertaining to Titanic, where the screams and sights were refreshed over and over again in my mind. I said nothing of the dreams to Sarah and I knew she hadn't noticed, it wasn't like her to keep quiet when she knew that something was amiss with me, though I knew for a fact that she experienced the same thing. Several times her nightmares had awoken me and she would lie in my arms sobbing until the fear left her. I half wished I could do the same. A good long cry would probably do me a world of good, but I hadn't done it and I probably wouldn't. Leave it to me to let a little thing like my masculinity get in the way of ridding myself of half the stress that I lived with daily.

Sarah sighed and turned over in the bed so that she was now on her side facing me, her ever-expanding stomach clearly visible through her nightgown, it and Sarah being the only light in my lives at the moment.

She had felt the baby move for the first time only a month ago and ever since then it seemed to have taken over both her body and our lives. Everyday she seemed bigger to me and everyday she was doing something new to prepare for its arrival. It was actually amusing, watching her move around the house, her stomach sticking out in front of her so far that she could hardly see the ground directly beneath her. It amazed me that she had grown so. Sylvia was due to give birth any day now and she wasn't nearly as large as Sarah. It was a matter I had been proud of; my child was obviously prospering and quite healthy.

I reached over and lay my hand on her middle and to my surprise thought I felt the baby move. Of course, I could have imagined it, but it was nice to think that I had. I had felt it move a number of times and each time it always left me excited, momentarily forgetting about everything wrong in my life. My father, though still not happy with the situation, had been civil to both Sarah and I since that night in July. We had even gone to visit last month, for my parent's anniversary, and Sarah was finally able to meet my sisters and brothers and their families of course. They had all loved her, thankfully. My two nieces Elin and Mabli took an exceptional interest in her though. Ada, their mother and my oldest sister, had told me with an amused smile that they saw her as princess. They were four and three respectively and watching them follow Sarah around my parent's house with a look of awe on their faces was quite humorous.

Yes, life had been damn near perfect for the last few months, which should have tipped me off right away that something was coming. That something turned out to be orders for me to report to the RMS Medic on October 6, 1912. The ship was bound for Australia and I would be gone for 6 weeks. Of the two of us, I think I was the one who was more upset. Sarah was understanding about it and in her most optimistic voice, told me that it wasn't all bad. I would be back in time for my birthday and well before the baby was to be born. I was due to leave on the afternoon train and had done all of my packing that night before we had gone to bed. Now here I was, wide awake in the middle of the night, sleep the farthest thought from my mind when it should have been the first.

"Harry, are you awake?" she suddenly asked in the darkness, the sound of her yawning through her words, noticeable. I watched her move in the darkness, quite ungracefully, trying to make herself more comfortable.

"Did I wake you?" I asked after murmuring my answer.

"No, our little one did. I swear, if it kicks any harder, it will go right through me."

"It won't be too much longer now." I told her and she nodded. I opened my arms for her and moved into them, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Yes, before I know it, it will be tears that wake me up in the middle of the night instead of hard kicks from my middle."

"We could always hire a nanny." I reminded her, but she shook her head quickly.

"No, I am perfectly capable of doing this on my own. Women have been raising children since the beginning of time and there's no reason I can't do the same."

Her words made me smile, momentarily forgetting my reasons for being awake in the first place.

"I'm sure by the time the others come along you will have changed your mind."

She laughed, "Our first isn't even born yet and all ready you're talking about 'others'."

"You're the one who wanted a big family." I teased.

She turned her head towards me and I could see her smile. "Yes, but that was before I realized that the two minutes you sacrificed and the nine months that I do don't quite add up."

"It was hardly two minutes." I reminded her in a low voice, allowing my warm breath to hit her neck. She giggled and nuzzled her cheek against my mouth.

"I guess it was a bit longer." She whispered and I stole the opportunity to press a firm kiss against her willing lips. She then snuggled herself against me and I wrapped my arms around her, breathing in her lilac sent and instantly was calm. She quickly fell back to sleep and I surprised my self by following almost as fast. When I awoke the next morning, she was already out of bed, dressed and ready for the day.

I was due to leave on the afternoon train and put myself to work with some last minute packing after we had eaten breakfast. Sarah found me a short time later and stopped in the doorway, her hands behind her back. Her hair was down and tied to the side, just the way that I liked, and her navy blue and white dress slimmed her otherwise voluptuous figure.

"Do you want me to go to the station with you?"

I stuffed some socks into my bag and shook my head. "No, you should stay here."

She nodded, understanding my reasons. She stood there a few moments longer, her eyes never leaving me. I shut my suitcase, flicking the clasps closed and looked up at her just in time to see her begin to move towards me.

"I have something for you." She said and produced a box that she had been hiding behind her back the whole time. She placed the small box in the palm of my head and gave me an encouraging look to open it. I did, obviously surprised, but even more surprised when I saw what was inside.

"A ring?" I asked.

"It's not just any ring. It's a wedding band." She took it out of the box and held it up. "It occurred to me a few days ago that for the past 5 months I have been the only one walking around with a ring on my finger." I watched as she took my hand and slipped it on the appropriate finger. "So I thought it was high time I rectified that."

"Sarah, you didn't have to do this."

"Yes, I did. I know it might not mean very much to you, but it does to me. You are my husband and I want the whole world to know that."

I looked down at the ring and saw that it was a very simple band, the same metal as Sarah's, and wasn't in anyway obtrusive. Her face was shining when I lifted my head and I couldn't help but smile back.

"I do believe you're on to something there." I replied a grin.

She laughed, "Well, I am glad you think so. Though I do have to admit I did have one, small, miniscule, ulterior motive."

"And what might that have been?"

"To show any seventeen year old first class girls that may have an eye on you, that you're spoken for many times over."

"This is a smart woman that I married."

We both laughed and when it died down, she came into my arms and hugged me fiercely.

"I will miss you so." She said pulling away and I placed a kiss on her cheek and assured her I would feel the same. The tap of my Mrs. Crewe soft fist against the door pulled both our attention away.

"Mrs. Lowe, this just arrived for you." She said holding out a telegram envelope.

"Thank you, Mrs. Crewe." Sarah replied, tearing herself away from me and taking the envelope. She opened it and I saw her eyes go wide with surprise.

"What is it?" I asked, coming around to see for myself.

"It's from Taylor."

The name struck me like a slap across the face, and I rubbed my jaw trying to dull the imaginary pain as I asked, "As in Hockley."

"The very same. He's in Liverpool and would like to come by and see us tomorrow." She lowered the paper and looked at me. "Well, I think it would be lovely to see him. After all he did for us, he deserves a proper thank you, don't you think?

"Oh, dear, you're not going to be here." She suddenly realized. I nodded and she looked at me with disappointment, "Well…" she paused, "I'll be sure to pass on your gratitude."

It wasn't what I wanted to hear. "I'll tell him not to come." Alternatively, even something like "I'll tell him to wait until you return." Would have been better, but the last thing I wanted to do was alert her to the animosity I had towards Taylor. I knew exactly what she would say and frankly, she was right. He had never been a threat to us and it was idiotic of me to think so. Yet even still, I couldn't shake that feeling and I knew I'd just have to suck it in and put on a good front.

"I'm sure you will." I said and sealed the statement with a kiss.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Sarah-_

Harry left for the train station the next afternoon and that night I had a quiet dinner alone and went to bed early. The baby had been kicking and moving all day and had worn me out. Sometimes it felt as if there were four or five of them in there instead of just the one.

I slept well that night and woke up the next morning refreshed and ready for the day. After breakfast, I went upstairs to what was going to be the nursery and tidied up a bit. I know it was premature, but I had already bought a bureau, rocking chair and cradle and set them up in the room. They were all oak and I had polished each of them to a beautiful shine. The room was bright and now with the furniture and the added scent of lemon from the oil I had used, it was perfect for a nursery.

I kept myself busy the rest of the day and had nearly forgotten about Taylor's impending arrival until I heard the doorbell ring. Mrs. Crewe was busy with dinner so I answered the door myself. Taking a breath, I prepared myself for the first physical contact with my former life since my marriage, and then opened the door.

"Hello." He said with a smile surprised to see me at the door and then his eyes fell and I knew the new size of my stomach had caught his attention, "Hel…lo."

I burned crimson and brought my hand up to cover it.

"I apologize, I just…"

"No, it's fine." I said with a shake of my head, "Please, come in." I said opening the door for him and inviting him in. He smiled, nodded, and came into the house, allowing me to shut the autumn air out. "May I take your coat?"

He nodded and removed it, still not taking his eyes off me, even though I could tell he was doing his best to hide his shock.

"I apologize." He said when I had turned around from putting his coat on the rack. "I had heard that you were, but…now I know for sure."

"You heard that I was?" I asked, "From whom?"

"Your brother." He said as I gestured towards the sitting room. "I've seen a lot of him lately and he's done nothing but talk about you." We sat down on the sofa together, "In fact he wanted to come see you himself, but wasn't feeling well. He told me to check in on you while I was here and well," he smiled broadly, "Here I am."

I smiled, "Yes, here you are. I have to say that ever since I got your telegram yesterday I've been looking forward to your visit."

He raised a mocked eyebrow and smiled at me, "I always knew my charm was irresistible even to women locked in matrimony. Speaking of which, where is your husband?"

I explained Harry's absence and he seemed disappointed. "Pity, I was hoping to brighten his day with the latest gossip on my brother. Shall I indulge you and we'll say it's his loss?"

I smiled politely, not sure, if I was willing to discuss Cal, but he went on.

"Of course you heard about his arrest and miraculous escape from punishment?"

"Escape?"

"Well, I guess you didn't. It seems that my father has a lot more friends than I anticipated and Cal received but a slap on the wrist for his actions. Of course a great deal of money was paid and many deals were made to ensure privacy, but your grandfather and brother's dreams of seeing him behind bars are highly improbable at this point."

I shook my head, obviously disappointed and annoyed. "I cannot believe this. I wonder why no one mentioned it to me. I've exchanged dozens of letters with George over the past few months and not once has even mentioned Cal's name."

"Well if you were my sister, I wouldn't have told you either. The last thing we need is you getting sick again…which now that I think about it, makes me an idiot because I _did_ tell you, doesn't it?"

I laughed, appreciating the comic relief. "No," I finally managed to say, "I appreciate that you told me. Though I can't say I'm not disappointed to hear it."

"Well don't think he's gone unpunished about it, behind closed doors at least. My father has seen to it that this kind of thing will never happen again."

"How so?"

"Cal's getting married."

"What?"

He nodded, "To a woman named Sabrina Coolidge, she's from Boston, twenty-five and a widow."

"A widow?"

He nodded, understanding my shock, "With two children."

I paused, not sure what to say next. I never imagined Cal marrying a woman like that; it just didn't seem like him.

"I know what you're thinking, and you're right Cal wouldn't choose a bride like that for himself. My father chose her. She is very wealthy and his eyes practically gleam at the prospect of getting his hands on her fortune. Besides both she and my father know that there is very little chance of her finding another man like my brother so needless to say the deal went off without a hitch."

"This is unbelievable. Rose's death is still so fresh, why would they do this with the risk of people gossiping?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "I don't have the answer to that. Frankly, I have been trying to stay away from it all, all I know is from Virginia. I was staying with her before I came over here and she can't help but get excited by such gossip, even when it pertains to her own family.

"At least you can sleep better at night knowing he's clearly not a threat to you and your marriage anymore. Or your child for that matter."

I put a hand over my stomach, "I wouldn't have let him within a mile of my child." I shook my head. "I can't even begin to think of what I would have done if he had gotten his way. I could have been married to him and carrying Harry's child and lived in hell for the rest of my life."

He shook his head, "No, it would have never worked out that way. For that to have happened you would have still had to look good in my father's eyes and it wouldn't have been Cal he had in mind for you."

I looked at him, nodding as I remembered, "It would have been you."

We both fell silent at the thought, but before I could ponder the idea anymore, he piped up.

"Well, I would have let Harry live in the attic or something."

I burst out laughing and it was contagious, soon he was laughing just as hard as I was. It was strange that a person I hardly knew could make me laugh this way.

"You would not have." I said as soon as I could catch my breath.

"Oh yes I would. Though I'm sure people would have gotten suspicious when they realized all of our children looked nothing like me."

I giggled, "Yes, you do have a point there."

"The one hole in my plan." He added and we laughed more.

I had so much fun with Taylor that I was a bit upset when Mrs. Crewe came in to announce that dinner was ready. I invited him to stay, which he did and we had an even better time at the table. We drank champagne and he even invited Mrs. Crewe to sit with us, something that seemed unusual when you knew what kind of family he came from. After a few glasses, he became quite silly, though not to the point of drunkenness and began to throw, compliments Mrs. Crewe's way that made her blush.

"My dear Lydia, (once he had learned her first name, he couldn't use it enough) your eyes are a blue as the Mediterranean and as deep as the pacific."

"Mr. Hockley." She said, not being able to suppress a giggle.

He took another gulp of the champagne, "No, no, I'm not finish yet." And he took her hand into his own. I watched as this young man in his twenties charmed this older woman, who clearly could have been his mother. "Your skin in like rose petals, soft, and tender to the touch."

She quickly pulled her hand away, her face red with embarrassment and her fit of laughter taking over the room. Taylor watched with a twinkle in his eye as she stood up and began to gather up the dishes. When she had left the room, I spun on him and immediately, despite my own laughter, began to chastise him.

"Look at you indulging her like that."

He shrugged and took a drink, still smiling, "Can I help it if I have a way with the fairer sex."

"Or that you lack modesty?"

"And the answer to both, no, I cannot. So I should use my talent to bring others happiness shouldn't I? Besides, I meant every word. If she were twenty years younger…"

"Taylor!"

He laughed and I shook my head at his audacity. He then stopped his laughter and moved closer to me, still holding on to the twinkle in his eyes "Does she have a daughter?"

I rolled my eyes at him and refused to answer even though I knew very well that she did have three daughters and only two of them were married.

"Keep your secrets!" he said playfully, "But I'll have you know, I am a Hockley and I have a way of finding out these things on my own."

I gave him a smug look. "I'm sure you do."

He mocked my seriousness and then smiled again, "Sarah, you are with out a doubt, one of the most entertaining women I have ever met. I can hardly tell that you grew up in the same place I did. You're not afraid to laugh, I admire that."

I smiled at the compliment. "Thank you, Taylor, but I cannot take all the credit; I do have Harry to thank for that."

He shook his head, "No, even before him, I remember you being this way. Granted I only met you one time before, but I didn't think you to be haughty or snobbish like most of the others."

"Thank you." I replied, smiling again and for a brief moment, his eyes locked on mine, but just as quickly, he turned away.

"Well, I should be going back." He said and rose from the table.

"Where are you staying?" I asked.

He named a hotel in town that I knew to be quite crowded and small. I cringed at the thought of him being there and my concerned host suddenly suggested that he stay here at the house for the rest of his stay in Liverpool.

He shook his head, "No, I don't want to be an inconvenience. I'm here for two weeks. That's quite a long time."

"Taylor, please, we've just proved that we get along well together and my housekeeper is quite smitten with you. Besides I'm having the Lightoller's over later this week for dinner and I'm sure that Herb would like to see you."

He hesitated for a moment, seemingly giving the idea much thought, before he finally turned back to me and agreed. "Only if you promise not to go out of your way to make me feel comfortable. You've got more important things to worry about."

I nodded and grinned, "Agreed."

"All right then."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

* * *

**Hey everyone! Long time no see I know, but hey I'm back...isn't that what matters? lol Anyway, here's the latest chapter, its short, but pretty good if I do say so myself (thanks to a lot of help from the best person in the world!) Enjoy and I promise it won't be 3 months before I post again :D

* * *

**

_October 16, 1912_

_Taylor-_

I used my hand to wipe the condensation off the mirror in the steam-filled bathroom. Carefully and with a steady hand, I arranged my shaving accessories on the edge of the sink; razor, brush…but I stopped before I could begin to use them. I looked up, meeting my reflection with a sigh and then shook my head in disgust.

"Ass," I replied to myself.

I turned away from the mirror and the shut off the water.

Not even two weeks I had been here and yet I had managed to successfully turn my life upside down and transform into a near copy of my brother and it was her, it was all her.

_She's married, it's wrong, _I kept telling myself, but nothing worked. Ever since my first night here, she had me. The way she walked, the way she talked, and the way she laughed… oh that alone was the sweetest sound to me and she seemed to do it so much when I was around, leaving me to wonder if she actually, even to the smallest degree, felt the way I did.

From down the hall I could hear her bedroom door open and I listened to the sound of her shoes tapping on the floor as she walked past the door and down the stairs. She moved around more awkwardly now than she had when I first arrived, but I wasn't some dinosaur who was going to criticize her for her condition. Even with her protruding stomach, I still found her beautiful.

I was an ass. I turned back to the mirror, gave myself a stern, disgusted glare and then proceeded to go about my business. When I came downstairs a few minutes later I found Sarah at the dining room table sipping tea from her cup.

"Good morning," she greeted with a bright smile.

"Morning," I answered as I took a seat across from her. My own cup was already filled with coffee and I took a thankful gulp of it, hoping the strong brew would bring me to my senses.

"Did you sleep well?"

I set my cup back down and paused, then shook my head. "Actually, I didn't."

She smiled compassionately, "I'm sorry to hear that. Truth be told, I didn't either. I'm guessing that late tea is what did it."

I nodded, even though I knew very well that was not reason.

Breakfast was uneventful. The meal was as delicious as always and the conversation was simple, but my attraction was never forgotten. I couldn't get over how bright and beautiful she looked. I was honestly surprised she didn't catch my eyes lingering on her, but I wasn't about to challenge it.

As soon as we were done I followed Sarah into the sitting room, where we continued a game of chess that we had started the night before. I had never met a woman who actually had an interest in the game, let alone one that actually challenged me, but she did. I had just made a particularly ingenious move of my Queen when we both heard a noise outside. Curiously, Sarah stood up and excused herself as she stepped around me to look out the window. I nearly froze being so close to her. Her arm was in reach of mine and I gulped as the scent of her perfume wafted towards my senses.

"I can't see anything, I wonder…" she said turning towards me quickly, but without warning she began to wobble and before I knew it she was falling straight into my lap. I was now rigid and she was in my arms, closer to me than she ever had been before. Her hair was directly in front of my face and I couldn't resist pushing my nose forward just so I smell and feel its softness.

She was laughing.

"Taylor," she sat up and looked towards me, still in my lap, "I'm so…" her voice died away as she looked right into my eyes and I knew right then and there I had been caught.

I didn't say anything. I should have, but there were no words to be found. Her eyes searched mine as I let everything show. I couldn't live with the torture anymore. I expected her to slap me, to get up and walk away, but she didn't. I wondered then, if I moved just a little bit closer, if held her tighter in my arms, maybe, just maybe…

The front door clicked open then and before either one of us could move his voice was calling out to her, "Sarah!"

Her eyes widened with shock and then disbelief as her husband entered the room, bag in one hand and stuffed rabbit in the other. The situation might have been humorous but for the murderous look on his face on finding us in the precarious situation we were in.

"What in the hell is going on here?" his voice boomed as he took us in.

"Harry!" As quickly as she could, Sarah was up and on her feet rushing towards her husband. She went to him, her arms wrapping around his neck, giving him a tight embrace while he stood frozen, his eyes narrowing on me. I stood up, not sure of what else to do and stuffed my hands into my pockets.

"What are you doing home?" Sarah asked pulling away, doing her best to shield me from him. "I wasn't expecting you."

"Obviously," he replied in a rather short voice. "What's he doing here?"

Sarah looked over at me and swallowed nervously. "I wrote you and told you Taylor was visiting for two weeks. Didn't you receive it?"

"No, I never received any letter," he practically snapped and I saw Sarah step back from the abrasiveness of his attitude.

She then looked at me again. "Will you excuse us for a moment, Taylor?"

"Yes, of course," I nodded and retreated as quickly as I could, trying not to look at Harry as I passed by him. I felt my skin prickle as his cold, hard gaze followed me up the stairs. I rounded the corner and stopped.

"Sarah, do you mind telling me what in the hell is going on? What is Taylor Hockley doing here?" Harry's voice growled in anger.

"As I told you before, he is only visiting. He's been here for two weeks and I wrote you the first night that he was here."

"And as I told you, I never got any letter!"

"Will you keep your voice down! There is no reason for you to be acting this way. Taylor is a friend of the family. He's been nothing but kind to us."

There was a short silence then, but it was long enough for me to start questioning and analyzing every move I had made where Sarah had been concerned. I then heard Harry's heavy footsteps move from the front hall into the sitting room.

"Why were you looking at him?"

"Excuse me?" her voice nearly cracked.

I held my breath and prayed Sarah's comment hadn't come off as forged as it had sounded to me.

"You were looking at him! Or was that all part of your fall?" he flared.

"Just what exactly are you accusing me of?" Sarah demanded then and I couldn't blame her. She was the clearly the innocent in all of this and I had a right mind to march down those stairs and make him see that.

"I know what I saw! You were in his lap and he was holding you. Don't pretend it didn't happen when I saw it with my own eyes!"

"I fell!" she exclaimed in her defense.

"Fell or went willingly?" he sneered, his jealousy apparent. "Just what exactly has been going on here while I've been away, Sarah?"

I heard Sarah's intake of breath at his accusation. Anger seared through my body. I would not standby and let him berate her like that. She had done nothing wrong.

"How dare you!" she exclaimed. "I don't know how you can even say such a thing to me!"

I want an explanation for what I saw. Is that asking too much as your HUSBAND?" I heard a thud and realized that he had thrown the stuffed rabbit across the room to smash into the wall.

"What has gotten into you, Harry? Why are you doing this? I don't understand why you're reacting this way. I fell, Taylor caught me, it was that simple. I've done nothing wrong."

"I want him out of here tonight. I don't care what you tell him but I want him gone! I will not be made a fool of and just in case you have any ideas of leaving with him, you can forget it! That's my baby and you're my wife and I'll kill any man that tries to take you from me!"

"You've gone mad," I heard her breathe. "I... I'm not sure what to say to you right now. That you would even think that I would leave you..." The silence I heard was deafening and then I heard her lighter footsteps as they walked across the floor. I stepped from my hiding place and peered down the staircase to see what was happening. I saw the two of them, she with her back turned from him, her body racked with silent sobs and he behind her, a look of shock on his face. Perhaps he had surprised himself with his declaration to kill me, I knew I certainly was.

"Sarah," he said, his voice raw with pain. "I-I'm sorry, I... I don't know what came over me."

"Don't," she cried. "I can't listen to you right now. Please, leave me alone." I saw him flinch at her words. Would he? Or would he persist? I had never wanted to confront someone so badly in my entire life.

"Please Sarah, I didn't mean it," he said again. She whirled around to him, her beautiful tear streaked face contorted in pain. "Yes! Yes, you did Harry. You meant it. You accused me of the most horrible things. You've hurt me more than I can tell you," she choked on the last words. I felt my heart twist at seeing her like this. I started to step down but stopped when Harry suddenly pulled her into his arms.

"Sarah" he moaned as he held her tightly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please don't cry. I'm so sorry, please forgive me for my stupidity, please forgive me."

I watched, sure she would pull away from him, but she didn't. Instead, she crumbled and wrapped her arms around him as her tears gave way to shudders. They held each other tightly and I… I could only watch it happen knowing whatever chance I might have had was gone like a vapor in the wind.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

**

* * *

ANOTHER CHAPTER! I'm on a roll! lol thanks to everyone who reviewed, I appreciate and loved them all as always.**

**NKOTB: lol the baby will be here soon enough, I promise and I have every intention of bringing back all of your much loved characters : ) **

**Oh yeah and a special thanks to Tipper. She always give me the little pushes I need to go on and a few pointers here and there ;) Love ya!**

* * *

_Sarah-_

Hours later, well after the sun had gone down, I found myself walking the dark hallways of my home, searching, hoping that I would find the calm that had evaded me ever since Harry's surprise arrival.

It wasn't that I hadn't missed him or wanted him to come home, it was simply the manner in which he had entered and the fight that ensued. He had been so harsh, so ugly towards me, that I had felt I was being challenged by a stranger. Later on, after we had gone to the privacy of our room and talked over the situation like mature adults, I finally managed to put myself in his position. I couldn't say that I wouldn't have been angry, but to act the way he did about it, was something I still could not understand. He had tried to explain that he had been under a lot of stress this past week, but still, I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to it than that. He had fallen asleep shortly after he had finished the large dinner that Mrs. Crewe had brought up to him. He was clearly exhausted, and I covered him with a blanket, making sure he was warm and comfortable before I left the room to think things over.

I walked across the hall to what was going to be the baby's room and switched the light on and immediately thought of Taylor. I had been a terrible hostess. Ignoring him for most of the day and not even apologizing for it. I clicked the light off to the nursery and shut the door and headed two doors down to Taylor's bedroom and knocked. When there was no answer I knocked again, but still, all I heard was silence. I knocked again, this time, opening the door a crack as I did so. He was no where to be seen, but to my surprise I saw that all of his trunks and suitcases had been brought out and were all in various stages of packing. I quietly shut the door, deciding that if he was going, I was going to make sure I apologized before that.

I went down the stairs and turned the corner heading towards the small set of French Doors that led to our back porch. I wasn't surprised to see him sitting out there in one of the benches, but still I approached him quietly.

He must have heard me, or somehow been aware that I was behind because he turned quickly to face me. He only let his eyes rest on me for a moment before turning back around. "Everything better now?" he asked.

"Yes." I said, moving around to sit next to him, "It was just a misunderstanding."

He nodded. "He seemed really upset."

"He was. I'm sure he'll apologize for the way he acted-"

"That isn't necessary. You're the only one he should be apologizing to." He sighed. "After the way he acted he owes you an apology every day for the rest of his life."

"You heard us then?"

He paused before he nodded, confirming my suspicions.

"I thought so." I replied, my gaze falling to my lap as a hint of embarrassment hit me, "I'm sorry you had to hear that."

"Don't be, I eavesdropped." He answered, but his voice held no remorse.

I nodded quietly and we both fell silent. After a moment or two, I found myself itching to speak.

"I saw that your luggage was out." I told him.

"I thought it best."

I looked up and over at him, "Taylor, you don't have to leave."

"Yes, I think I do."

"I know Harry came off rather brash, but I assure that he didn't mean it."

He turned to me, his eyes wide eyes immediately pulling me in to the storm of emotions raging inside of him. My conscience scolded me to turn away, but I couldn't and above all, I didn't want to.

"Who said I was leaving because of him?" he asked softly.

Suddenly I was at a loss for words and I wanted out. This wasn't right. The ring I wore on my finger to symbolize my love, life and marriage with Harry, suddenly weighed a ton and the fast beating of my heart was pounding away at my insides. I quickly sprung up from my seat and headed back towards the house, but he was right behind me, grabbing me and pulling me off into a dark corner where even the nosiest neighbor couldn't see us.

"Listen to me, Sarah," he whispered loudly and with determination. "I tried not to let this happen, but after awhile I couldn't fight it anymore and I didn't want to. You didn't even have to try to make me feel this way and after the number of women I've been with who've done all they can to appear alluring to me, you are the sweetest breath of fresh air I've ever known."

I tried not to listen and began to move away, but his arm instantly sprang up against the wall to block me, forcing me to turn back to him. "Look, I'm not my brother. I'm not going to force my wants on you. I live my life the way I want without letting the opinions of those society snobs influence my decisions. When something feels right, I do it…Sarah, this feels right."

"It's not." I told him. "I'm married and I love my husband…we're expecting a child."

"Are those the only reasons you can give me?"

"I shouldn't even have to say those things, Taylor! My marriage and impending motherhood should be as plain as the nose on your face!" I snapped in a whisper, but he showed no sign of abandoning his pursuit.

"Tell me you don't feel the feel the same way then, honestly, and I leave you alone. Swear on your life."

But I couldn't do that. The truth was I didn't know if I did feel that way or not. I took one long look into dark eyes and shook my head as I turned away, "I don't."

"Swear on your life."

I whirled back to face him, "I will not."

"Because you know it's a lie. You know that you feel something for me. The way you looked at me earlier, right before he came into the room…do you know how close I was to kissing you?"

"I don't want to hear this," I said, pushing his arm away moving away, but he quickly reached for my wrist and pulled me back to him, bringing us closer together than we had been earlier, our faces only inches from one another.

"That wasn't the first time either," he whispered, his eyes boring into mine. "Almost two years ago, that Christmas party. I know you remember that. The only thing that stopped me then was the fact that I wasn't able to spend one moment alone with you. Why do you think I danced with you all night long?"

I had to smile upon hearing that and seeing this he began to move closer to me. I felt the warmth of his body nearly touching mine. He lifted his hand and stroked my cheek softly. "I remember how you looked that night. You were so beautiful, you _are_ beautiful."

"Don't," I whispered agonizingly.

"Sarah," he breathed against my cheek as his lips moved over my skin. I closed my eyes as the sheer torture of the moment gripped me. I couldn't move and yet I knew I should. His lips once again moved and skimmed over my cheek while his hand slid behind my neck to tangle in my hair.

"Taylor," I strangled out his name. "I… I…"

"Shhh," he breathed softly. His mouth came over mine gently, so gentle I wasn't sure if he was actually kissing me. But, then before I could think further, he was kissing me. He smothered a groan as his mouth molded to mine, pulling me closer still.

No, no, no! my mind screamed in protest even as my body turned against me. I was responding to him even thought I hadn't wanted to! I could feel my heart slamming painfully against my ribs and my head was swimming with the realization of what I was doing. I was betraying my husband!

I lifted my hands to grip his arms knowing I should push him away. His tongue filtered between my lips and the feel of it nearly brought me to my knees. I whimpered deep in my throat when Taylor suddenly jerked away from me as if he had been burned, leaving me fairly reeling on my feet.

"Oh God, Sarah," he rasped. "Please forgive me. I shouldn't have done that," he said running his hands through his dark hair.

I know I should have said something but words failed me. I was still in shock at my own response to him. I could still taste him on my tongue even as I stared at him.

"Go… go now, Sarah. Go to your husband and I swear to you, I won't be here when you wake in the morning."

I nodded slowly as he started to walk towards the house, but he suddenly stopped just inches from me, his mouth close to my ear. "I'm sorry for what just happened. It may be wrong but I will carry the taste of you to my death. I love you…" and then he was gone and I was left standing alone with his words swirling through my mind.

Minutes later I was back in my room slipping into my nightgown and sliding quietly into the bed I shared with my husband. He was still fast asleep unaware of what I had done only moments before. I laid my head on the pillow and immediately closed my eyes, but I knew it would take awhile for sleep to come to me, if it ever did.

Harry stirred next to me and turned over, putting his arm snuggly around me. In the darkness, I could barely see his sweet, handsome face, but I knew it was there, and I reached out brushing the tips of my fingers across his cheek and gave a silent apology for what I had allowed Taylor to do. I then turned back to the ceiling, holding in my emotions, not wanting to disturb him and remained that way for the rest of the night.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

* * *

**A little longer than normal chapter, but I think everyone will like it...well I hope so, anyway :) **

**Thank you Shaal Butterfly Effect, and Tipper, I always love your reviews :)**

**Payton, thanks for the review and the baby should be here QUITE SOON ;) **

**MG, lol, thanks for the review. It was great to hear from you again :) **

**Matilda, thank you SO much for reviewing (even if you were having problems). Nice to see that Taylor has some fans out there :)**

* * *

_-Sarah_

True to his word, Taylor was gone by the time I awoke the next morning. I was the last one to wake and after I had dressed, I walked by his room and saw through the open crack of the door that he had indeed left. It was as empty and as neat as it had been when he arrived. I pushed the door open all the way and walked into it. I felt sinful as I took in the hint of his cologne that lingered.

I missed him.

I stood for a moment longer until the sadness pushed me out of the room. Without him, it felt cold and empty. I shut the door behind me, making sure it was securely latched before I went downstairs and met Harry at the breakfast table. He asked about Taylor, though I could tell he was just doing it to confirm to himself that he had left.

"So he's gone then?"

"It looks to be that way," I answered and then took a long sip of my juice.

That was the last said on the subject. We went on about our day as if it were any other. Though it was hard for me, I managed to put the incident from the night before in the back of my mind and keep up the appearance of my normal self. From time to time I did think about him, wondering where he had gone and if he was thinking about me at all, but I quickly dashed the thoughts and gave myself a good scolding. I couldn't let Harry see my turmoil. It wasn't fair to him and it wasn't fair to my marriage. I decided the only thing to do was to keep myself as busy as possible, and so I filled that day and the others that followed by putting the finishing touches on a few things I had been knitting for the baby, and helping Mrs. Crewe with her daily chores.

As the days passed our lives fell back into a fairly normal routine. It was as if nothing had transpired between us, as if Taylor had not been there at all. Yet, as hard as I tried, I couldn't keep my thoughts of him pushed back for very long. I could hear his laughter echoing in every room, haunting me like a ghost.

"Sarah," Harry called for me. I was in the nursery putting away a few things I had just purchased.

"There you are," he said as he entered.

"Just putting away some things," I told him as he neared me.

He looked around the room and grinned. "You've done a wonderful job with this room. Our baby should be quite content in here."

"Thank you," I nodded in satisfaction.

Harry lifted the bunny he had brought me only a few nights before from the crib and stared down at it. "Sarah, I-"

"Don't Harry, it's not important." I cut him off. I didn't want to talk about Taylor.

He shifted around, still holding on to the rabbit. "Still, I feel like I should say something. I was out of line and I know that."

I took a breath and put down the stack of baby shirts I had been putting in the chest of drawers. "Really, you've already apologized to me once. You don't have to do it again."

He nodded, though he didn't seem convinced and then continued on with what he had been saying. "I came to tell you that I have to report to the White Star office this morning. Lights and I have to go over the roster and assemble the crew for our next passage."

I looked up again, stopping my task. "How long will you be gone?"

"A few hours at the most. I should be home for dinner."

I nodded. "All right, I'll make sure to keep it warm if you're late."

Laying the bunny aside, he stepped forward and pressed his lips to my cheek. "I'll see you tonight."

I nodded and watched him leave the room.

After he had gone, I took a quick look around the room and felt I had done enough for the day and tidied up the small mess I had made before going downstairs to see what Mrs. Crewe had on the menu for dinner.

As I was walking to the kitchen, a knock on the front door forced me to turn around. "I'll get it, Mrs. Crewe," I called to her as I made my way towards the door.

To my surprise it was telegram. Our family and friends were notorious for sending letters, so I took it and reached into my purse that was on the entry hall table and tipped him.

"Thank you, ma'am, have a nice afternoon."

"Thank you." I said as I closed the door.

I tore it open and pulled out the single slip of thin paper to read it. I felt my breath leave my body when I realized it was from Taylor. My eyes scanned the words, reading and re-reading them.

_"Sarah. Thank you for your hospitality. I sail back to New York on the Maelstrom at midnight. I wish you much happiness. Taylor._

_He hadn't left yet_, I thought to myself. He was still here.

I lowered the paper and took a quick breath as my heart began to beat furiously inside my chest. Mrs. Crewe called my name from the kitchen and I quickly crumbled up the paper and stuffed it in my pocket, my face already burning with guilt.

I quickly headed back to the kitchen and tried to forget about the small slip of paper in my pocket_. He's leaving at midnight_, the thought raced through my mind. _He'll be there waiting to leave._

_No_! I told myself in irritation. It was for the best.

I had to leave it alone, leave him alone. I was married, I was pregnant. None of this was right... I told myself this over and over again, but the memories that I had of him always seem to overpower me. I decided I needed to dispose of it and fast. Quickly, I went to the stove, lifted the lid to the top, and threw the telegram inside, watching it burn down to nothing. I slowly put the lid back in place and closed my eyes.

Satisfied that it was gone, I went about helping Mrs. Crewe prepare dinner and by the time Harry arrived home a few hours later, I thought I had completely forgotten about it. I went through dinner as if nothing had happened, though I even I noticed that I was quieter than normal during the meal.

We played a hand of cards after dinner, but I excused myself after only one game, using my exhaustion as an excuse. He decided to come along and we both said goodnight to Mrs. Crewe and retired to our room.

A while later as I lay in our bed listening to my husband breathe deeply in his sleep, I was restless and unable to relax. What did I think I would do? Go to him? It was absurd. Taylor was leaving and that was the way it had to be.

I turned over and reached for the bedside clock. In the dim light that was coming in through the window, I could see that it was nearing eleven. I put the clock back down and turned over hoping that if I stared at Harry long enough I'd forget any thought I had of Taylor Hockley.

However, it was no use. The minute hand clicked loudly in my ears, reminding me of the passing time and I moved around restlessly trying to make it stop. Unresolved... the word suddenly came to me. That's what it was. Everything between Taylor and I was unresolved. If I saw him once more, I could tell him goodbye for the last time and put this foolishness behind me. Yes, that's what I would do, I thought. I would tell him goodbye and that he could not come back again. He had to hear me say it otherwise; he may never truly see how badly this could be for everyone involved.

Slowly I sat up in the bed and with great care, pushed aside the blankets and stepped out onto the floor. I went into my closet and shut the door, clicking on the light and dressed quickly in a dark dress. Grabbing a pair of shoes, a shawl and a hat, I turned off the light and opened the door, stepping back into my dark bedroom and then quickly made my exit out in the hall. I waited until I was downstairs to put on my shoes.

Thankfully, the docks were not far from our house. I walked along the sidewalk in the darkness aware of the eeriness of the quiet that surrounded me. Other than the occasional dog barking, all was silent. As I neared the docks I suddenly wasn't as sure of my intentions as I had been in the comfort of my home. Perhaps I had made a terrible mistake by coming down here in the middle of the night. I was debating with myself, not sure what to do.

When I arrived at my destination, I stopped. A small crowd was forming near the entrances to the ship, but it was so dark I couldn't make out one face from another. I suddenly realized what a horrible idea this was. I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't have left the house. I shouldn't have left Harry. I needed to get out of here.

Feeling out of place and transparent, I turned to leave when I heard my name carry softly across the way. I turned and saw him then. He was standing less than ten feet away, dressed in a topcoat and hat. He was looking at me as if I were a dream, as if his eyes were deceiving him. I froze in place and tried to figure a way out of the predicament I had gotten myself into it.

"What are you doing here?" he asked coming near me. "It's the middle of the night. You shouldn't be out alone."

I lifted my head, putting on my bravest face. "I... I came to say good-bye."

He stared at me for a moment and then took my hand. "Come here," he said as he propelled me behind a nearby stack of crates. He stopped and crossed his arms, staring intently at me. "You came here in the middle of the night, alone, to tell me goodbye. I find that hard to believe, Sarah."

I adjusted the shawl around my shoulders and looked up with my most superior look. "Well, I did. I came here to tell you good-bye and that I think its best that you don't come back."

His demeanor changed then. No longer looking dismayed, he dropped his arms and stared coldly at me. "I see. How thoughtful of you to think of me."

I swallowed back my indignation, but allowed a crude glance to drift his way. "After what happened, something needed to be said." I retorted.

"I thought we said all that was needed to be said the night I left. What more did you expect to gain from coming here?"

"How can you say that?" I demanded. "Do you not remember your parting words to me?"

"Yes, I remember quite well. Believe me, Sarah I remember," he answered darkly. "I sat in a hotel room for the last three days drinking myself into a stupor trying forget that I had ever said them, trying to forget you."

"Then why the telegram? Why even bother to contact me? Why didn't you just leave well enough alone?"  
He turned away from me then and shook his head. "I don't know," he admitted grittily. "I had been drinking, I wasn't thinking clearly. I shouldn't have sent it, but by the time I realized that it was too late."

I crossed my arms tightly across my chest, not sure how to respond. After a moment, the tension inside of me began to lessen and I was able to say,

"I don't think either one of us was thinking clearly."

He looked over at me, his lips drawn tightly. "That's exactly why you shouldn't have come here, Sarah. You should have stayed away."

I sighed irritably, hating that he was right. "Fine, I'm going. Just forget that I ever came!" I snapped and started to turn from him, but he stopped me.

"Just why did you come?" he asked grabbing my arm and pulling to him. "It wasn't just to tell me to stay away. Why did you come here, Sarah? Why?"

"Let go of me!" I said, pulling away from his grasp, "What are you implying? Of course that's what I came for!"

"Like hell it is! Tell me why you're here. I want to hear you say it."

I shook my head forcefully, refusing to tell him what he wanted to hear. "I'll say it one more time. I came here to say good-bye. That is it! Nothing more!"

He searched my face, his dark eyes blazing into mine. "Say it, Sarah. I want to hear you say it."

I fell silent. His eyes in one quick moment had completely overrun me. I couldn't pull away from him and I knew then that in that moment he'd seen the truth. My voice dropped in volume as I replied, "I can't."

"Can't or won't?" he asked firmly.

I shook my head, managing to tear my eyes away from his. "I have to go," I cried and started to back away, but he was quick to pull me back.

"You came to me, Sarah, remember? You came here to find me, you came to me. If goodbye is all it is, then get on with it. Say you're goodbye's and get on with your life."

I heard his words, more clearly then I had heard anything that entire evening. I closed my eyes, letting his image and every feeling that he had created inside of me go free. Without thinking, without opening my eyes, I found myself reaching for him and pressing my lips against his. I lifted myself up to him, kissing him hungrily as if I had been in the desert and he was the water I needed to survive.

He responded in kind and kissed me back with such fervor I could feel him in my very soul. His arms went around me and pulled me closer to him, totally out of view as I tilted my head, adding more intensity to the kiss.

Our mouths melded together as the power of the kiss turned into passion. He cupped my face, holding me close to him. He pulled back for only a moment before capturing my lips again. I leaned into him and let him take the lead.

I was in agony; whether from joy or pain I couldn't be sure. He nipped at my lower lip, drawing it in his mouth before covering my mouth with his again. We held each other tightly, consumed by the fire that was between us.

It was then that the baby made its presence known with a rambunctious kick deep inside of me. I jumped back and gripped my stomach. Taylor's eyes widened in shock as he stared down at my mid section

"Are you all right?" he asked, concerned and somewhat breathlessly. I nodded, attempting to catch my own breath, still holding tightly to my stomach.

"I'm fine," I said, turning my eyes away from him. Guilt washed over me in waves. I stepped back from him and cleared my throat. The baby must have sensed something was different and reacted to it. What was I doing? Couldn't I see how wrong this was? I turned guiltily back to Taylor as unshed tears filled my eyes. "This is not right, I have to go."

"Sarah, no," he shook his head and reached for me.

"I have to. Can't you see how impossible this is?" I stepped further away from him. "I can't do this. I can't care for you, Taylor. I have no right to. I have a husband who adores me and we are having a child. Please, if you care for me at all, you'll stay away... please just stay away from me."

He shook his head. "I can't. I can't do that because I know you want this as much as I do. You just proved that."

"It doesn't matter," I replied miserably. "I'm going home to my husband and you have to be on that ship. It has to be this way."

"Come with me," he whispered desperately lifting my hand to his mouth. "Come with me right now. We'll go where no one knows who we are."

I closed my eyes, unleashing the small tears that had been clinging to my eyes and shook my head. "I can't...I'm married...the baby...I can't."

"Sarah," he spoke my name painfully. "How can I leave you? How can I go now?"

I opened my eyes. "You have to." I told him, "Just go on and live like it never happened."

"Impossible," he shook his head. "I love you too much."

"Please don't say that."

"It's true. I know I shouldn't, but I do, and I could never deny that," he shook his head as the ship gave a loud roar, warning of last boarding's before sailing.

I watched him look towards the ship and then back at me with a sense of urgency, but still I couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear. I couldn't bring myself to walk out on my family like that, to deprive Harry of his child, it wasn't right.

"I'm sorry," I breathed.

He shook his head, mouthing 'no' as I stepped back.

"Goodbye, Taylor," I strangled out the words and then turned, running away from him. I ran and ran until my sides hurt from the exertion. I didn't look back, not even once. I just kept moving forward until I was finally turning down the walkway of our home. I stopped at the door and leaned against it, trying to catch my breath before entering.

Once I did, I slipped into the house and shut the front door quietly behind me. I walked quickly into the kitchen to get a drink and made it all the way to the cupboard before I broke down.

I covered my mouth as I slid down to the floor on my knees. The tears slid freely down my hot cheeks as I finally released the tension that had been gnawing at me all day. I had done the right thing, I knew I had. I could never leave Harry. I could never take his child from him. I wiped at the tears and began to compose myself. Whatever I felt for Taylor I buried deep inside me.

It could never be known, not by anyone. I finally stood and wiped my face, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself. I lifted my eyes upstairs, to where my husband lay asleep. I had made the right choice. I had no doubt of it. I had made the right choice for me, Harry, our child and even for Taylor. As hard as it was, it was the right thing to do. I had to believe that, now more than ever.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

* * *

**Just a quick big THANK YOU for all of your reviews! They gave me all the encouragement I needed to write this chapter :)

* * *

**

_December 16, 1912_

_Harry-_

The mixture of cigar and cigarette smoke was the first to hit me as I made my way through the pub door and for a moment I couldn't decide which was worse, that, or the stabbing cold of the December wind outside, but I soon forgot all about that as I saw Lights wave to me from a nearby table. I pushed my way past a few stumbling drunks and took my seat across from him.

"Lovely weather, we're having." He remarked and then took a drink from the pint in front of him.

"There had better be a good reason why you asked me to meet you here." I replied, indicating our surroundings. "I try to avoid places like these."

"There is," he answered, setting the glass down, "And a very good one at that." He adjusted himself in the chair. "Between your home and mine, neither place was suitable. Sylvia has her hands full with the boys and of course with Claire." I nodded. Their daughter Claire had been born only a few weeks before and it was obvious they were all still adjusting to the change. "Then with Sarah…well…"

"Well what?" I nearly snapped. I wasn't at all shocked and I knew he wasn't either. I hadn't been the nicest person in the past couple of months and the subject of my wife always seemed to bring out the worst in me.

He nodded, "Exactly why I asked you here."

"You're beginning to try my nerves." I warned, digging my hand into my pocket and pulling out my cigarette case. I opened it and in a flash I had one lit and was inhaling as he looked on.

"This has become a habitual thing for you, hasn't it?" he asked, indicating towards my cigarette.

I blew a puff of smoke out. "You asked me to come here for a reason. I doubt it's to discuss my smoking habits, now what is it?"

"Getting right to the point? All right, then, nothing wrong with that. Sylvia told me to do it and for the first time I actually agree with her meddling. Sarah is a mess, you're a mess and to be honest, I have no idea why. Is it the baby? Is it her family again?"

I nearly laughed, wishing it was something that simple. I shook my head and took another draw off my cigarette.

"Then what, Harry? I'm not a bloody soothsayer," he asked, now sounding annoyed himself. I turned towards him and saw the expression on his face and immediately dropped my charade and stubbed the cigarette out in the tray in front of me.

"It's her." I told him. "It's all her."

Lights shook his head. "You're going to have to do better than that."

I sighed, "She's been acting like this ever since that guest of hers left."

"Taylor," he replied with a nod, but I went on as if I hadn't heard him.

"She constantly looks like she's going to burst into tears. She hardly ever speaks and when she does its always short to the point sentences. I've done everything to try and get it out of her, but nothing has worked."

"You think something happened to make her act this way?" he asked.

"More like someone."

"Taylor," he said again and I nodded, my jaw already starting to clench at the thought.

"He said or did something to her." I shook my head and leaned closer to him. "When I came home that first night she was sitting in his lap and he had this look on his face that reminded me of a cat with a mouse in its claws."

"Wait, she was in his lap?"

"She told me she had fallen or something to that extent," I replied with a roll of my eyes. "I know what I saw though, my wife in another man's arms."

Lights sat back in the chair, crossing his arms over his chest and sighed. "I don't know Harry. You've got a right to be suspicious, I'll give you that, but I saw Taylor while he was here and nothing that he said or did seemed to indicate that he had any intentions for Sarah besides friendship."

"Have you met his brother?" I suddenly exploded. "That whole damn family is trained to put on a good front! They're nothing but a bunch-"

"All right now, no need to get yourself all worked up." He spoke up, calming me.

"I can't help it. He did something, I know he did."

"What, what did he do? Do you think he actually did…with your very pregnant wife?"

I shook my head without even pausing. As bad as things were, I somehow knew they hadn't gotten that bad.

"Then what?"

I sighed irritably not sure of what I was thinking. I had no idea what had happened between them, but I didn't need either one of them to tell me to know that it was something more than just what Lights was referring to. I saw the way he was looking at her and what was worse; I saw the way she was looking back at him. I felt like I had barged in on a moment between two newlyweds rather than friends.

"Sarah loves you, Harry," Lights said. "She'd never look at another man."

"How do you know? You didn't see what I saw," I snapped.

"Because I know Sarah," he answered me.

"I thought I did, too until I saw it with my own eyes."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, obviously confused. "I was under the impression that they hardly knew one another."

"Acquaintances as far as I know, but that didn't stop him from coming to my house and making a move on my wife. Damn him!"

"All right, all right. You need to take a breath," he replied. "Harry, I'm sure you're reading more into this than is there. Sarah is almost ready to give birth. Believe me when I say that her behavior doesn't sound strange to me. I've been through this enough times to know."

"I suppose you're going to tell me that you went through the same thing with Sylvia."

"Not exactly the same thing, but the first time as she got closer to giving birth, I could tell it was putting a strain on her."

"This is more than that." I told him.

He paused for a moment, collecting himself. "Do you trust her?" he then asked.

I considered his words for a moment than I answered. "Yes, I... I thought I could anyway. But, if there is anyone to blame for what is happening between me and my wife its Taylor Hockley. If I ever see him again he'll wish he'd never been born."

"Maybe, maybe not, but is he really the only person that you have to blame?" he asked.

"What in the bloody hell does that mean?" I thundered hotly.

"Just what I said, is he really the only person you can blame for the situation? Were things really as perfect as you're claiming them to be before he came along?"

"Whose side are you on exactly?"

"Will you just answer the question?"

I could feel my jaw clench with frustration. Things had seemed fine, but were they really? I couldn't lie to myself about that and I knew I couldn't lie to him either. The secret I carried had taken its toll on me, even if I ignored it. Every time Rose's name came up and I saw the pain in Sarah's eyes, the burden became heavier.

"No," I finally answered.

He nodded. "You want my advice?" I glanced grudgingly over at him and waited. "Go home to your wife. Tell her you love her, do something romantic for her. She's going through her own hardship right now and she needs you to be there for her."

"That's if she wants to be anywhere near me," I answered, my tone thick with sarcasm.

"With that attitude I wouldn't blame her if she didn't," he replied dryly.

I glared at him, but knew he was right. My gaze fell as I realized that if I wanted to make things right with her again, there was no time like the present. I was tired of living this way.

"You're right." I told him.

"Of course I am," he answered with a grin.

I nodded. Regardless of how this mess had been created, it needed to be cleaned up. I wasn't going to have my son or daughter born into a home where their parents never talked and were constantly battling one another. I loved Sarah, and it was time to put away my hot headedness and be mature and rational.

"Thanks, Lights." I told him.

He smiled. "You're Welcome. Now go on, get the hell out of here, I'm tired of looking at you."

I laughed lightly and rose from my chair.

"Give Sarah my best," he said as I started away.

"I will." I told him and strolled out of the pub a lot happier than I had come in. Snow had begun to fall while I was inside and I put my hat on to keep my head warm as I began to the walk home.

When I arrived the house was warm and inviting. The aroma of dinner was coming in from the kitchen and I removed my hat and coat before I went in there to look for Sarah. However, she wasn't there.

"She wasn't feeling well and went upstairs to get some rest. That was a few hours ago." Mrs. Crewe explained to me. I thanked her and headed up the stairs to our bedroom. When I walked in I found Sarah sitting on the side of the bed, a pained expression on her face.

"What's wrong?" I asked immediately concerned.

"I think it's the baby," she said looking at me, fear in her eyes.

Immediately all romantic thoughts I had were thrown out the window and I rushed over to her side. "Do I need to call the doctor?"

"Yes, I think you do," she answered as another pain gripped her.

I nodded quickly, trying to keep myself calm and went to the door calling for Mrs. Crewe.

"Harry," she gasped and reached for me. I ran back to her side and took her hand. "It's too early, Harry. It's not time."

Mrs. Crewe came to the door then and saw what was happening. She nodded to me and then ran back downstairs to call the doctor, while I placed my arm around Sarah's waist and tried to comfort her.

"It's fine." I told her, "It's going to be fine." I helped her to stand and moved her down into a laying position on the bed. Her hand gripped mine the entire time as every movement she seemed to make caused her pain.

Once she was on the bed again, I could see her more clearly and it shocked me to see that she had broken out into a sweat, with hair matted to the sides of her face. "I'm scared, Harry." Her voice quivered.

"It's going to be fine." I repeated, stroking the side of her face. It seemed to be the only thing I could say. I was too taken up with the way she looked and the pain she was in to think of anything else.

Fifteen minutes had passed before the doctor finally arrived and unceremoniously threw me out of our room. Even though I had expected it, I stalked towards the stairs in anger and sat myself down on the first step, steaming over the fact that I was away from her. Mrs. Crewe came up a few moments later and handed me a cup of coffee with a kind smile.

"Here you are, Mr. Lowe. It's going to be a long night."

* * *

"What's wrong?" I asked, trying to catch my breath and ignore all of the pain that seemed to be shooting throughout me. It had been two hours since the doctor had thrown Harry out and I was exhausted from my labor. It was only when the doctor felt of my stomach the last time did I begin to fear something was wrong.

"Sarah, I want you to relax and do what I tell you, alright?" Dr. Gordon's soothing voice said. I nodded through my confusion as his nurse wiped my brow with a cool cloth.

"It's too early, it's too early," I repeated knowing that something was wrong and he didn't want to tell me.

"I've seen this many times, especially in first time mothers. I've kept a close eye on you and trust me, this baby is ready to come."

I felt the pressure begin increase again and bore down against it. The pain was almost more than I could bear and I cried out from the intensity of it. My screamed echoed off the bedroom walls and Dr. Gordon was quick to come to me.

"Look at me, Sarah, look right at me," he said as he positioned himself in front of me. "You're going to be just fine, just breathe and do as I say and just think, in a few moments you'll see your baby."

I was in a fog of pain by this point. I felt the nurse moving around me, positioning my gown so that the doctor could have access. A ripple of pain tore through me and I threw my head back and hoarsely cried out. "Oh God, Oh God, I can't do it, I can't do it," I cried, afraid I would die before I could deliver this baby.

"You can do it, my dear girl. You have a very anxious father downstairs who is, at this very moment, ready to remove my head from my shoulders if I don't do my very best."

"Harry," I called his name. I wanted Harry, I wanted him by my side. I wanted my husband.

"Okay Sarah, it's time. I want you to bear down with all your might when I tell you and stop when I tell you. It's very important that you listen to what I say to you."

I could not even respond to him. I felt the hardest pain yet and I bore down hard against it, gritting my teeth. I pushed and pushed, filling the pressure increase with every passing second.

I fell back and took great gasps of air when Dr. Gordon told me to. I shook my head as it came over me again. Before I knew it the nurse was lifting me and I bore down once more, pushing as hard as I could.

"The head is through," Dr. Gordon told me. I felt him move the baby around in some way and he then told me the shoulders were almost through. "One more hard push, Sarah. Come on, you can do it."

I was exhausted and tired of hurting, I was tired of everything and I began to cry as it all overwhelmed me. "I can't," I cried. "Please, I can't."

"Yes, you can. Come on, just one more push and it will be over."

"I can't," I cried again, tears streaming down my face.

"Yes, you can," another voice came from my side. It was Harry. He shut the door behind him and came over to me, wrapping his arms around me. "I'm here, Sarah. I'm here now and you can do this."

"I'm so tired," I whispered hoarsely.

"I know you are," he nodded and positioned himself behind me, lifting me up.

With Harry behind me encouraging me, I found the strength to push once more. I grunted and screamed and in one fluid motion, I felt my baby slip from my body. I fell back on Harry and began to cry in earnest. Dr. Gordon moved around, wiping the baby down. After a few minutes, he gave it a small slap and suddenly the sound of its cry filled the room.

"It's a boy," he announced.

He wrapped him in the blankets nearby and laid our son on my chest. As Harry and I looked down at our creation, it was if something magical happened right there.

"Harry, he's beautiful," I said in awe and amazement as I stared at my son. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Dark hair, ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes. His tiny lips formed an 'o' as he looked up at the two of us and his eyes were as blue as the heavens.

Harry ran a soft hand over his tiny head and pulled me close to him, placing a kiss on my forehead.

"I love you," he whispered in my ear.

I closed my eyes, letting myself settle into his arms, our son still resting in my own. "I love you too," I said as I began to drift off, thinking only of the strong love I had for both my husband and my son and how lucky I was to have them both.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

* * *

**As always, thanks to you all for the wonderful reviews! And just to let you know, with the holidays coming up I'll be quite busy so if its awhile between updates, don't worry...I'll be back! lol**

* * *

_Taylor-_

_January 2, 1913_

Blinding sunlight was what stirred me from my alcohol-induced sleep that morning and immediately put me into a grim mood. I bathed, shaved and dressed all with a pounding in my head that would have driven the sanest man mad and made my way down to the restaurant of the hotel for a late breakfast.

I had been in New York to ring in the New Year with a few friends, having needed the break after another wonderful Christmas with my family. With Sabrina and Cal now officially engaged, her and her two sons had spent the holidays at our home and along with that nephew of mine, they had single handedly ruined what could have been a great Christmas, with a few glasses of brandy helping me along, of course.

I couldn't blame it entirely on them though, even I wasn't that horrible. Cal had drunk himself into a stupor before the first carol had been sung and my father's temper had gotten to us all. I retired to my rooms early, wanting to escape the madness and had taken one of the housemaids with me.

Blonde haired, blue eyed, a figure that would bring a man out of a coma, Mary had been quite welcome in my bed before, but that night after only five minutes of doing nothing more than kissing, I asked her to leave. She had looked at me like I had gone crazy, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It wasn't the first time that I had happened either. Four times I had been unable to do anything more than a kiss a woman since I had returned from England and even though I knew the reason, I tried not to think of it. Even most recently, two nights before at one of the New Years parties, a girl named Regina had flung herself at me, but I quickly dismissed her and chose to drink instead. And drink I did, two nights in a row and now here I was feeling the effects.

"Taylor?"

I turned towards the sound of my name, my eyes still half opened and saw George Wilkes coming towards me, dressed and looking a whole lot better than I did, I'm sure.

"You look like hell," he observed as he came to a stop in front of me. "What are you doing here?"

"About to get something to eat," I told him. "You?"

"I was meeting some friends for breakfast," he replied. "But I'll join you if you'd like some company."

I shook my head. "That's alright, you don't have-"

"Don't be absurd. Come on." He started towards the restaurant and I had no choice but to follow. We found a table and were brought menus. Having just eaten, George ordered coffee and I did the same, but had a side of toast as well. The waiter nodded and took our menus, leaving us.

"So what are you doing in New York? I thought you'd still be in Pittsburgh with your family."

"I don't spend any more time there than I have to," I told him wryly. "I was in town with Ben Carson and Asher Williams for the New Year."

He laughed as he took in my appearance. "And it looks like you had a dynamite time."

I rubbed my face and nodded. "Guess, I did. What have you been doing to keep yourself busy?"

"Studying mostly, looks like I'll be graduating this summer. Oh and did you hear that I've become an uncle?"

I suddenly looked up, knowing exactly what he meant. Sarah had had her baby. "Really?" I asked, trying not to sound too interested.

"Yes. I received the telegram about a week ago. He was born December 16, eight in the evening."

"It was a boy then?" I asked, stating the obvious.

"Jonathan James," he told me proudly. "Six pounds, eleven ounces."

"How's Sarah?" I asked, feeling a pang go through me as I said her name.

"Harry says she's great. Adjusting to the change I'm sure." He shook his head. "I tell you, it's just plain odd to think of my little sister as a mother or a middle class housewife for that matter. Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against Harry, but I always saw Sarah staying in the surroundings we grew up in. Well, you saw her, tell me, did she seem to fit in with where she was?"

"Uh…I guess…for the most part."

Our orders came then and thankfully the subject of Sarah, Harry and their new addition was dropped. We spent the rest of the meal talking about how our holidays had been. He had spent it with his grandfather and said it had been a quiet day, I wished I could have said the same.

When we had finished he stood to leave, telling me that we should get together sometime again before I left New York. I agreed, we shook hands and then he was gone. I went back up to my room and barely made it through the door before I decided I needed to get some air. I grabbed a hat and coat and headed back downstairs into the cold January morning.

I kept to myself as I walked down the street, staring off into space as my conversation with George repeated itself in my head, bringing back all the memories of that trip that I had tried bury. It had hurt too much to think about them after she had left me that night, and the only solution I could find was to forget anything had ever happened. But now, talking to him and hearing about her, I couldn't help but remember everything.

Her smile, her laugh, her kiss…

None of them were mine though, they never were and now with a child, she was even further from my grasp than she was before. I could have kicked myself for not making a bolder move when I had the chance. I should have made her go with me on that ship, even if it was against her will…but I knew I wouldn't have. I told her I loved her, and I meant it, and I wasn't about to hurt someone that I loved.

She had never said it back of course, but I had to believe that she at least felt something for me, even if it wasn't love. She had come to see me that night after all, even though I hadn't asked and then there was the fact that she had kissed me.

I had to forget it though, forget it all. It wasn't going to do me any good to sit around and grieve over something that had never belonged to me. I had to take the higher road here. If being in the kind of relationship she was in, living the life she was, was what she thought made her happy, then fine, I was no one to pass judgment. In fact, just to show how supportive I was of her idiotic decision to go back to him and the arrival of their new bundle of joy, I'd buy them a gift.

I stopped mid step and looked around to see where exactly I was. Taking notice of my commonplace surroundings, I realized I was in a part of town that I had never ventured into before, but seeing that there was a shop to my left with a display of infant accessories in the window, I didn't give it much thought.

I headed into the store, a bell on the door announcing my arrival and saw immediately that it was crammed full of merchandise that ranged from woman's scarves to tins of tea.

"May I help you?" I heard a stern voice ask. I turned around coming face to face with a middle aged woman with a stare that chilled me to the bone. She obviously knew I wasn't one of her everyday customers.

"I'm looking for a gift," I answered her.

"What kind of gift?" she asked with a sigh.

"For a baby."

"We have plenty of things over there," she said indicating the area near the window. "I'm on my way out, but my girl, Rosie, will be here if you need help."

"Thank you," I nodded and did the polite thing, opening the door for her as she strolled out of the store. Once she was gone I went over the place she had shown me and without giving it much thought, picked up a rattle with a blue bow on the end. Simple, yes, but it said what needed to be said.

Finished and not wanting to spend another second in the crowded shop I went over to the counter where the register was located. Not seeing anyone I rang the bell.

"Just a moment." A voice called from the back.

The moment she had promised turned out to be much longer than I had anticipated. I watched the clock behind the counter go from a few minutes to nearly ten minutes and I felt myself get more and more irritated.

"Anytime now would be great." I called back in her direction.

"I'll be right there," she countered, her voice sounding breathless.

I released an annoyed sigh, setting the rattle down. "Don't bother," I nearly growled, tired of waiting.

"I'm sorry it took so long," the young woman pushed through the canvas curtains and bustled across the floor to me. She smoothed down her apron and stopped just short of me.

"I was just about to lea…" my voice trailed off as I stared at the young woman standing in front of me. "My God," I whispered as I took her in.

The clothes she wore were of plain dyed cotton, her hair pulled back in a simple bun, but even that could not hide the irrefutable fact that I was staring at Rose Dewitt-Bukater, alive and in the flesh.

I stared at her, shock reverberating through my body as surely as if a bullet had been fired at me. I stepped closer, my eyes narrowing in on her now pale face. I saw her hand shake, an indication that my guess was correct. "You're alive," I accused as I pinned her with my eyes.

She shook her head. "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."

At her words the thought of amnesia crossed my mind, but I could tell by the way she looked at me that she knew exactly who I was. Her shock was obvious, so was her fear. "You can drop the act, Rose," I told her a bit snappishly.

"I'm sorry, I can't help you," she turned away from me but I wasn't about to let her get away from me that easily. I raised my voice loudly so that it bounced off the walls around us.

"Tell me, how did you manage it? How, Rose? How have you allowed everyone to believe you were dead all of these months?"

She stopped and turned back to me. If it were at all possible, her face had paled even more. "I don't know what you're talking about," she whispered, her voice cracking once.

"Do you think I'm a fool?" I nearly yelled now. I was in no mood to deal with her lies and I told her so. "I know you know who I am and I sure as hell know who you are so you better start talking to me!"

Suddenly her demeanor changed and her brow furrowed in anger. Her hands gripped into fists at her side as she faced me. "I won't!"

"You damn well will!" I fired at her.

"Get out of here!" she yelled angrily.

"Oh no, I'm not leaving until you and I have a nice long chat," I shook my head with a snarl. "I want to know what in the hell is going on here and what you're doing in a place like this," I flung my hand around indicating the dingy little shop.

"Just leave," she ground out. "Just… leave and don't come back."

"No."

Before I knew what was happening, Rose suddenly threw herself forward and took off for the door.

"Rose!" I shouted her name and took off after her.

Once I was outside, I searched frantically for her and saw her running up the sidewalk. I knew she couldn't get far. I was stronger, faster and not encumbered by the long skirts she wore. I sprinted through the throng of people, weaving in and out until I finally caught up to her. I grabbed her arm and swung her around,

"Stop!" I yelled. "There's no use in trying to run. You are you going to talk to me and you're going to talk to me right now!" She began to kick and squirm as I moved her into the doorway of a deserted building.

"Let go of me!" she screamed causing a couple who was walking past us to take notice.

"Lovers quarrel," I said with a grin and motioned for them to continue on.

"Take your hands off me," she gritted between her teeth.

"Just as soon as you tell me what is going on here," I held her firmly against the wall, something she was not at all happy about.

"I don't have to tell you anything," she nearly hissed as she pushed against me. I answered by pushing her further back and positioning my body nearly against hers.

"I'm not in the mood to play these stupid games, Rose. So help me God, you better start talking to me." I countered with my own anger.

She glared at me hard. "So you can run off and tell your brother of your discovery? Never! Now let me go!"

I stared at her and saw clearly for the first time just why she had pretended to be dead. It was Cal. She wanted to be free from him and I could hardly blame her for that. But still, to pretend to be dead. I pegged her with my eyes, not allowing her any leeway. "My brother is not the issue at the moment, you, however, are."

"Do you honestly expect me to trust you?" she spat angrily.

"When have I ever given you a reason not to?"

"You're Cal's brother, that's enough."

"I may be his brother, but I am not him," I said with resentment boiling through me. "I will never be him."

She shook her head, but I knew she believed me. "I'm begging you, just let me go. I'm not harming anyone by being where I am."

"Not until I get the answers I want."

"I can't," she said, her lips quivering. "It's not important anyway. I'm free and that's what matters."

I stared at her, my resolve beginning to crumble. I took a step back, releasing my hold on her and faced her more calmly now. "Free? That's how you see this? Was your life that horrible? Was it so bad that you had to fake your death to escape it?"

Her eyes narrowed on me. "You have no idea what my life was really like. No one knew."

"My brother… did he know?" I asked. "Is he the reason you're living like this?"

Resentment clouded her eyes. "Yes," she answered simply. "He wanted to own me. He wanted to show me off like one of his possessions and I couldn't live that way anymore."

I knew what she said was the truth. I had seen it with my own eyes. To Cal, Rose was a possession, a bought and paid for possession. I knew the price that had been paid, too. I turned away from her, shame building inside of me.

"It won't do you any good to tell him. By the time he finds out, I'll be gone. I won't go back," she said behind me.

I knew she meant what she said. I nodded and glanced at her over my shoulder. "I'm not going to tell him. You have my word." I heard her release a deep breath at my vow. I turned back to her then, facing her. We stood in awkward silence staring at one another. I couldn't help but take in her appearance more clearly now.

She had lost weight, a fact that was substantiated by the simple clothes I had noted earlier, were ill-fitted to her frame. She hardly looked like the Rose I remember but for the determined look in her eye. It was odd seeing her like this. I couldn't help but wonder what had happened to her. What had brought her to this place and more importantly, how had she survived? All valid questions in my mind.

Rose finally broke the silence by stepping forward. "I have to go back. Goodbye, Taylor."

"Wait," I held out my hand to her. "Rose, I… Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"Yes, I'm fine and no, I don't need anything. I just want to be left alone."

I nodded. "But, you were almost my family. If you need anything, you need only to ask."

For the first time I saw her visibly relax. She gave me a small smile. "Thank you, Taylor."

An idea came to me then. "Rose, you have my word to keep your secret, but only if you'll let me buy you a meal. It's the least I can do."

I watched her consider my offer. I thought she would refuse, but to my surprise she said she would. "The shop closes at seven o'clock," she told me and then she walked back down the sidewalk to the little store.

As I watched her, a dozen questions came to me and hopefully before the night was over I would have the answers to them.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

* * *

**Kisses to you all for you great reviews!! I'll admit I was a bit nervous about bringing Rose back, but I'm so glad everyone liked it! **

**The next chapter should be up SOON.**

**So R/R...cuz ya'll are SO good at it! ;)**

* * *

_Taylor-_

I spent the rest of the day in my hotel room trying to make sense of my encounter with Rose, but in the end all I had was a bigger headache than when I had started. It didn't make sense and then again it did. Cal seemed as good as reason as any to fake ones own death. I knew how he could be, I had more scars in my memories than I cared to think about where his temper had taken the starring role. He had always expected things to go his way and they usually did. He had too much power and he didn't deserve any of it.

I thought about the last time I had seen him and Rose together before her "death" as I left the hotel. It had been in Paris last February, almost a year ago. We just so happened to be there at the same time and run into one another. I was invited to dinner through gritted teeth by my brother and took the invitation only because I knew it would aggravate him.

Dinner was delicious, the champagne was even better, but the conversation was anything but. Cal and Rose both seemed annoyed with the other and I knew it took a lot for Cal to hold back his anger as she took daring snaps at him that even made me proud. I left not long after we finished dinner, Rose's mother was walking me to the door as my brother scolded her daughter in the next room as if she were a child. It was sick and I was glad to get away from it.

Until then I hadn't thought much about that moment. Now it and a thousand other things having to do with Rose were all that was on my mind. Sarah had been temporarily been wiped clean from my mind, but I knew she would be back.

I reached the shop at exactly seven and it took another few minutes for Rose to come out, wrapped tightly in a frayed coat, to greet me. She led me down the street to a small restaurant and we went inside taking off our coats and finding a table. Both of us ordered coffee and sat in silence until it arrived. When the cups had finally been sat down in front of us, Rose reached over to grab the jar of sugar on the table and pour some into her cup. I watched as she stirred it around, her spoon scraping the bottom of the cup every so often.

"You're not angry with me, are you?" I asked, breaking the silence.

She was in mid sip of her coffee, but shook her head, setting it down. "No. I suppose something like this was bound to happen."

"At least it was me and not…someone else."

She nodded, knowing exactly who I meant and then was silent again for a long moment before saying, "I should apologize for the way I acted earlier. I was scared."

I nodded, "That's understandable."

"It's been nine months since I've seen anyone and then suddenly out of the clear blue you show up. You were honestly one of the last people I expected to see."

"Have you been in New York this whole time?"

"Yes," she said with a nod, "I'm trying to get money together. I want to go out west, to California."

I had to smile. "Any particular reason?"

"Yes, actually there is."

"Care to enlighten me."

She shook her head, but I saw the hint of amusement on her face. "No, you wouldn't understand."

I nodded, not wanting to press her for more details when I knew she could get up and run out of the restaurant at any moment. We fell silent once more, neither one of us knowing quite what to say. Finally she glanced over at me and I saw her hesitate for a moment before she said what was so obviously on her mind.

"I hope I can depend you to keep your word and not tell your brother that I'm... well, that I didn't die that night."

Her words, for some reason, surprised me. I thought I had assured her of my discretion, but I wasn't above reminding her. "Rose, I'm a man of my word and I swear on my life that Cal will never know."

I saw her visibly relax then. "I can never go back, Taylor. That's not my life anymore. Cal and I were not meant to be and that was never clearer to me than right now."

"If anyone can understand that, I can." I replied with sincerity.

"You know I saw him on the Carpathia," she said matter of fact. "The day after we were rescued. He came looking for me, but he didn't see me. I hid myself from him."

"That was the best thing you could have done. He didn't deserve for you to come back to him."

She smiled at me. "I forgot how easily you speak your mind. It was always the thing I most admired about you. You never let Cal get the upper hand."

I nodded with a small smile of my own, "I'd be lying if I said I didn't get any enjoyment out of bursting his bubble every now and then."

She suppressed her laughter at my comment. "I suppose I should ask about him, how he's doing. Has he met anyone else or married yet?"

"Not yet, but he will be soon enough. Sabrina Coolidge, did you know her?"

"Sabrina? You can't be serious," she said with almost a smirk. "I find it hard to believe Cal would even look her way."

I chuckled. "Well he didn't, my father did. After the...well, we'll just say he wasn't on his best behavior and brought it upon himself. My brother has many sins to atone for, I'm afraid."

"It seems almost fitting in an odd and yet satisfying way," she nodded. "How strange the turn our lives have taken since that night. So many unexpected events, so many losses."

"We needed a good dose of reality, if you ask me. That's not to say I don't feel for those who were lost, but the situation opened a few eyes and forced plenty of people to take a good look at the world around them."

"You couldn't be more right," she agreed. "But there is one thing I have learned in all of this. I have seen the world with new eyes and I like what I see. There is so much to see and do, so many places yet to be discovered and I want to be a part of it, not merely a bystander."

"My thoughts exactly." I said, "Life is what you make it and one day when I'm an old man I want to be able to look back on my life and be satisfied. Otherwise, I'd feel like a failure."

"Exactly," she affirmed. "I am thankful everyday that I survived when I most certainly should have perished like so many. I was fortunate, Taylor, very fortunate."

I watched her and after a moment though, I couldn't help myself and let the question slip away from me.

"How did you do it?" I asked, wanting answers and wanting them now.

She didn't seem at all shocked by my question. "I told you, I managed."

"There's more to it than that." I pressed.

She turned away from me, staring down into her coffee cup. "It was horrible. Hard as I try to rid myself of it, the chill from that night is still with me." She rubbed her arms at the thought as I looked on with a pitied stare. "I don't regret not getting on the lifeboat, leaving Cal, none of it. I did what I knew was right. My life hasn't been the easiest since that night, but everything that I've done and accomplished I did alone, and everyday I feel myself growing stronger because of it." She looked up, catching my eyes on her.

"I can't imagine what you must have gone through," I said softly.

Her eyes clouded over as the memories of that night filled her mind. "I wasn't alone," she said quietly.

"Oh?" I questioned, not sure what she meant by her reply. I could tell she was reliving the moments in her mind as she sat across from me. "Rose?" I called her name to get her attention.

She looked over at me with pain filled eyes. "I can't talk about that, but... I found myself floating on a piece of wood. I'm not sure how much longer I would have survived if the boat had not come back to look for survivors. It still amazes me even now that only one boat out of twenty came back… only one."

"It was lucky for you that whoever it was that came back had the courage to do what no one else would do."

"I don't think I'll forget him, the officer that saved me. He was very kind and compassionate to me. Even after we were on the Carpathia he still saw to my needs."

"He must be an extraordinary man," I offered.

"I'm sure he was trained to do what he did, but it doesn't make my gratefulness to him any less sincere."

"Of course not," I shook my head.

"Anyway," she said taking a breath, "That's my story. You don't have any idea how many times I've wondered what could have been if Mr. Lowe had not come back to look for survivors."

"Who?" I heard myself say. I felt my pulse quicken slightly. "Who did you say?"

Rose looked at me strangely. "Mr. Lowe, or I suppose I should say Officer Lowe."

"Rose," I started. "I want you to think very carefully. This Mr. Lowe... was his name Harold? Harold Lowe?"

"Yes," she nodded. "Why?"

I sat back in my seat and released the deep breath that I had been holding.

"Taylor, what is it? What's wrong?" Rose asked, concern lining her voice.

I managed to smile and shook my head. "Nothing. I am just trying to absorb what you've told me."

"It's a lot, I know," she replied. "Once we docked here in New York, I left and never looked back."

My mind was reeling from the information Rose had inadvertently given me. So, Harry had been Rose's savior, Harry had been the one to pluck her from the icy Atlantic and more importantly, it was Harry who had neglected to tell his wife that her cousin was indeed alive.

Which brought me to another thought... What would Sarah say if she knew? What would her reaction be if she knew that her husband had known for over nine months that Rose didn't die on the Titanic. I tried to keep my appearance neutral, but I wasn't sure of how successful I actually was. If Rose noticed, she didn't acknowledge it. She had gone on to talk about what had happened to her in the past nine months, but as hard as I tried to pay attention I couldn't get my mind off of Harry and what I had just learned.

The rest of the evening was a blur to me. Rose and I parted ways outside of the restaurant an hour later, saying good-bye, but neither one of us promising to keep in touch. We knew it would be impossible and after hearing her tale, I didn't want to put her at any more risk than I already had.

I walked back to the hotel my mind full of anxiety and questions that I would rather do without.

How could he keep that from her?

She loved him. She'd married him, given him a child and still he kept it from her. The pain she had been in after losing Rose was still quite fresh. She had mentioned her very little when I had been in Liverpool, but the subject never failed to bring tears to her eyes. She had talked about how unhappy she had been and other things here and there, but the one thing that stuck out was what she had told me only days before I had left about Harry telling her that Rose had died. He had seen her, she said and that's all I needed to curse the bastard for the rest of my life.

He had seen her alright, he just forget to mention that she had been alive. I shook my head in disgust.

I had to tell her, I couldn't go on living knowing what I did and not say anything. Almost immediately though the memory of our last moment together came back to me and I realized that I risked my image to her if I did tell her. She could brush me off, saying that I was just using some sad attempt to bring her into my arms and never want to see me again. Then again I could tell her and she would hate me. Maybe she was happier not knowing the truth.

No, I told myself, I had to do the right thing, even if that meant losing what little relationship I had left with her, I couldn't let her go on living a lie, I just couldn't.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

* * *

**YAY! The chapter you've all been waiting for...well, maybe not, but still you should be in just a teeny bit of suspense ;) **

**Anyway I'm pretty proud of this, it took a lot of time, but I think its worth it. Let me know what you think :):)**

**

* * *

**

_January 28, 1913_

_Sarah-_

The rocking chair creaked as I rocked back and forth early that morning, the sun just beginning to rise over the roof of my neighbors house. Jonathan was nestled snuggly in my arms, swaddled in his softest blanket and I took time to enjoy the first quiet moment I had had that night.

I closed my eyes, laying my head back against the chair, my heart full and warm from holding my son in my arms. He was only six weeks old, but I was already to the point where I could not imagine my life without him. Everything about him was sweet and perfect. His eyes were still a vibrant dark blue, though I was told the color would change with time, I thought they suited him. The soft thatch of hair on his head was the color of my own, and by the way, he acted when he wanted to be fed, changed or held, he had most certainly inherited his father's temper.

It hadn't taken us very long to come up with his name. Jonathan was after my father of course. It was my way of putting bad feelings to rest when it came to my parents and I knew that it would please my grandfather and George. James was Harry's idea. His parents hadn't been happy with it, saying that it wasn't a family name, but both Harry and I knew who it was for, his friend Officer Moody, who I know he still missed.

"Sarah?"

I opened my eyes and turned towards the hushed voice that had called my name. Harry w-as standing in the doorway of the nursery, still in his pajama's and robe, his hair rumpled from sleep. Upon seeing that I was awake he came into the room and held his arms out, offering to take Jonathan from me. Almost reluctantly, I let him and rose from the chair as he set him in the nearby cradle. We then both quietly left the room and went next door into ours.

"How long have you been up with him?" he asked.

"A few hours," I replied and turned my back on him. I felt his eyes on me as I removed my robe and crawled under the covers of my bed. I heard him release a short sigh and I recognized the now familiar tenseness that had been present for weeks now.

He set his clothes out for the day and silence soon followed. It wasn't something that surprised me, our relationship as of late had been lacking in any type of emotion. I wish I could say that it was because we were new parents and the baby had been taking up all of our time, but I wasn't going to lie to myself. Since the night Taylor had left I had become withdrawn and I knew he felt and saw it.

I had tried to act normal, to pretend that nothing had happened, but I couldn't. I was constantly haunted by my actions, his image and his words and hard as I tried to fight them, they were still with me, even after I had given birth to Harry's son…which made me feel even more guilty.

When he had finished dressing he came over and kissed me on the cheek, but it was cold and I could feel my stomach flip in guilt as he mumbled a good-bye and left the room.

_Harry-_

I slowly closed the door behind me and paused at the top of the stairs for a moment. I glanced back at the door and considered going back to talk to Sarah. I wanted the air clear between us but didn't know how to do it. Even after the experience we shared at the birth of our son, something was missing and I simply didn't know how to fix it. She was a completely different person now, or so it seemed. Someone strange and unfamiliar to me and even if I had somehow made the attempt to speak to her, I wouldn't know where to begin.

I released a sigh and turned toward the stairs. As much as I wanted to go to her, I couldn't. I was at a loss and I decided that it was best that I left for work. Perhaps tonight I would do something special for her. With that thought in my mind, I descended the stairs and made my way to the door.

Just as I was taking my coat off the rack there was a sound knock on the other side of the door. Surprised, I slipped my coat on, opened it, and was immediately filled with anger when I saw Taylor Hockley standing on my front stoop.

"What are you doing here?" I barked.

His response was a smug smirk that only increased my rage.

"Afraid I'm here to see Sarah? Don't worry, I'm not."

"Well isn't that a fine piece of news, not that I would let you see her anyway."

He scoffed, "My relationship with Sarah is the least of your worries right now."

Then to my dismay he pushed his way past me and walked into the house like he had every right to be there. Furious, I slammed the door and followed him into living room.

"Get the hell out of my house, Hockley, before I throw you out!"

"Trust me, you don't want to do that. Bringing more attention to yourself will only hurt you more in the end." He approached me, his gaze hard. "No, this is between you, me and certain red-headed relation of your wife's."

I could feel my eyes widen and the breath was sharply sucked from my body. I went cold as he continued to glare at me and I panicked. "Get out." I replied in a low growl. "Take yourself and your lies and get out of my house."

"Lies? Please, I've seen her and heard her story and the evidence is all there."

My mouth opened to retort, but I quickly realized that it would do me no good and turned away from his accusing glare. From the confidence in his voice I knew he spoke the truth, he had seen her. All the same I couldn't help but question it. "You saw her?"

"That's what I said. She went on and on about you, her valiant rescuer."

I whirled on him, "You don't understand. It was a trying and confusing time. She begged me not to tell anyone. I didn't want to hide the truth-"

"And yet you did." He finished for me. "You've hid it for months, denying Sarah the truth time and time again."

"I didn't want to!" I grounded out, "I hated keeping it from her, but it just happened."

"Just happened?" he spat, "Something like that doesn't "just happen". She deserved to know, she NEEDED to know and all you did was sit there and watch her suffer!"

"Don't tell me about my wife. I did what I had to do to protect her!"

"Protect her from what?" he demanded.

"From Rose's deception, of course." I fired back. I shot him my own glare as my fury towards him rose. "What did you think you would accomplish by coming here. Sarah is better off not knowing Rose's decision. She would be more hurt knowing the truth than not."

"Perhaps because you've failed to tell her about it for nearly a year!" He shook his head in disgust at me. "Look at you, you can't even come up with a legitimate reason for why you did this! Sarah is your wife! She gave up everything; her whole life, FOR YOU and this is how you repay her? How can you stand there and defend yourself knowing that you've done this to her?"

"Get out!" I yelled, my fury towards him reaching a new high. "You and your opinions are not wanted here!"

"Maybe not by you," he said so brutally it made me ill. "I'm not leaving until she knows."

I lunged for him, unable to control myself anymore and grabbed him by the collar, "You stay away from my wife!"

He was quicker and stronger than I had anticipated and he shoved me back, throwing a punch that slammed into my face. I staggered back from the both the impact and surprise and reached up to feel my face already beginning to swell from the impact. A murderous rage over took me and I stood up quickly and threw myself at him, tackling him to the ground.

I was lost in my anger and held nothing back as I swung at him. Everything he had said and everything I suspected him of was urging me on. He was strong though, quite strong and threw me off of him and into an end table. A lamp fell and shattered, but I ignored it and made another dive to attack him, forcing him into the wall and threw another punch at his face. He was too quick though and my fist landed on the wall, sending a stinging pain up my arm. He seized the weak moment and took the upper hand, shoving me back against the couch.

_Sarah-_

A crashing noise broke the silence of the morning and brought me out of the light sleep I had been in. I sat up in the bed quickly and focused my hearing on the sounds that seemed to be coming from downstairs. I quickly got out of bed and slipped on my robe before rushing down the stairs.

There was a loud thump against the wall and it stopped me in mid-step. I stood there frozen, listening as it was quickly followed by another thump and what sounded like a struggle.

"Tell her!" I heard a familiar voice demand, "Or I swear I'll tell her myself."

"Stay away from her!" Harry's voice growled in response. "You're never going to be close enough to put your hands on her again. You won't use Rose to take her away from me!"

"You did that to yourself!" the other snapped back, and I knew at once that it was Taylor. My breath caught in my throat and my brow burrowed in confusion. I feared Taylor had come here and told Harry about what had transpired between us, but the part about Rose, I didn't understand.

"You've kept the truth from her and lied repeatedly since the first day. If she does leave you it will be no ones fault but your own."

"I lied to protect her! If she knew Rose was alive her family-"

"And how would they know anything? Do you not trust her enough to keep Rose's secret to herself?" Taylor fired back at him, but the words were distant and slurred to me. I slowly sunk down on the stairs, burying my face in my hands, the shock rocking me to my very core. My mind was reeling from what I heard and I felt my breath coming in hard gasps.

She was alive, Rose was alive and Harry knew…and he hadn't told me.

I heard a low murmur from the living room and then another and then heavy footsteps. Taylor appeared in the front hall below me, but the shadows of the morning kept me hidden from his view. Harry soon followed, but Taylor was out the door before he could say anything, slamming it in his face.

Harry muttered something under his breath and his fist clenched against the door. I watched him in silence, my hurt and anger holding me in my place. Finally after a long moment he turned around and saw me.

"Sarah-" he breathed as if the breath had been knocked from him.

"Is it true?" I asked, not wasting a moment.

"I-"

"IS IT?" I screamed.

His head fell in shame and I knew then, I knew it was. My anger toward him threatened to consume me however, I didn't yell, I didn't scream, I sat there shaking from his confession. He looked up.

"Please, let me explain." He began starting towards me, but I rose to my feet quickly and began to turn away from him. "Sarah, please, just hear what I have to say."

I didn't speak, but I stayed in place, waiting for his words.

"You know I was the only lifeboat that went back. I found her, barely alive, no sign of Jack. When we reached the Carpathia, before I went to find you, she told me of her decision and her plan. She wasn't going back. She begged me to keep the fact that I had found her a secret, even from you. I refused, but in the end she managed to convince me otherwise."

I turned, "How?"

"She told me that if you knew and that if anyone else found out they would take it out on you and it would prevent us from being together. She didn't want to put that on your shoulders."

"So she didn't trust me."

"I didn't say that."

I ignored him. "And neither did you, if agreed with her."

"Sarah-"

"Why would you think that I would do something like that? She was like a sister to me! I saw how Cal treated her, I saw how miserable she was, if anyone could understand why she would do a thing like this, it would be me!"

"That's not-"

"And you! You've been lying to me this whole time. You looked me right in the eye and lied to me when you told me she was dead and every moment after that when I mourned her. What kind of heartless monster are you?"

I saw my words sting him, but I ignored it. I had never been so angry or so hurt in my entire life and the person I had to blame was none other than the man who had promised to love and honor me until death parted us.

"You betrayed me! You lied and lied and would have gone on living with that lie if I hadn't been here and heard your conversation with Taylor!"

"Yes, your good friend Taylor." He mocked, now angry with me.

"Don't change the subject!" I clenched my fists but he ignored me and continued.

"Would you mind enlightening me on what really went on while I was gone between you and him…now that we seemed to be airing all of our dirty laundry." He sneered. "He seems far more involved in this than he should be. Did you sleep with him?"

Even though it hadn't come close to that, I refused to answer. "I would have never known the truth it weren't for him, would I?"

He started to say something, but then shut his mouth and shook his head, "No."

The anger I felt threatened to consume me. I could barely contain myself as I slowly stepped down to him. "I trusted you, TRUSTED you more than anyone else in my life. You make me sick!"

"Sarah-"

"No, I don't want to hear anything else from you! Everyday of our lives you chose to lie to me. But, do you know what's worse than that? For all of your talk of honor you're no better than Caledon Hockley. At least when he was betraying me, he didn't profess to love me while doing it."

I saw him flinch at my harsh words but I didn't care. I whirled on my heel and ran up the stairs to our room, slamming the door in the process. I fell back against it and tried to keep the tears at bay. There was no time for tears, not now, not ever. I was going home and I was taking my baby with me.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

* * *

**I can't thank you all enough for your great reviews! Seriously I was WOWED by them (is that a word? lol) Anyway, I hope everyone likes this chapter. I worked very hard on this and at times it was difficult to write...you'll see why, I'm sure.**

**Well R/R everyone and thanks again!

* * *

**

_Sarah-_

I waited until my urge to cry had ceased before I went into my closet and began tugging clothes off the hangers and throwing them into a suitcase on the floor. When it was full, I went back to my bedroom, another suitcase in hand and slammed it on the bed, letting it fall open on its own. Furiously I began opening drawers and pulling out anything that I could get my hands on. I slammed each of them shut, the dresser shaking with each hit.

When I finished I went back in the closet to fetch another suitcase for Jonathan, I returned as the bedroom door was thrust open and Harry came in. He came towards me quickly, red faced and angry.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? How dare you say such a thing to me?" he roared in my face. I didn't answer and pushed past him, suitcase in hand and put it on the bed with the others. "What's all of this?" he then demanded, "Why are your suitcases out?"

"Isn't it obvious, I'm leaving and I'm taking Jonathan with me," I told him, my voice unbelievably calm considering how angry I was with him. I then turned to leave the room, but he stepped in my way, blocking my path.

"Like hell you are!" he bellowed. "You're not leaving and neither is my son! I won't allow it!"

My fists clenched tightly as he said that, my anger towards him growing inside of me like a wild fire. "I AM leaving and there's you can do that will stop me!" I informed him sharply. "You have no power over me!"

He flared at the comment. "POWER? I'm your husband! Your place is with me and you better damn well remember that!"

"Trust me, that is a problem I intend to have rectified!" I fired back, even though I hadn't given any thought to the matter. "Now, get out of my way!" I began to push my way past him, but his hand came down on my arm and roughly pulled me back to face him. I saw the blatant anger in his face, but I didn't care. I was angry as well, angrier in fact and I wasn't about to let him over power me. "Let go of me!" I snapped, attempting to pull out of his grasp, but his grip was too strong.

"I will not let you do this, do you hear me? You will not leave this house with my son!"

"What are you going to do, board up the doors and windows? I'm leaving and I'm taking Jonathan with me! You no longer have a say in what happens to either one of us!"

He released me then and I saw him take the great attempt to calm himself as he spoke. "Sarah," he began, "Stop behaving irrationally. Yes, I did do something horrible but there's no reason why we can't sit down and talk about this like adults. I would never intentionally hurt you and you know that."

I shook my head. "I used to think that, but not anymore. If Taylor had not come here I never would have known the truth. At least he had the decency to want me to know the truth, unlike you."

His eyes rolled with fury at the mention of Taylor's name. "Taylor Hockley is a worthless piece of filth!" he snarled. "He's turned you against me with his own brand of lies and you're too blind to see that!"

"What lies?" I demanded, "What lies has he told? Tell me, Harry because I sure can't see them. All I can see is you and your lie!" I moved closer to him. "I am more thankful to Taylor than you could ever realize. He's opened my eyes to kind of person you really are."

For a moment I thought he might slap me, my words were that cold, but instead he staggered backwards, his eyes wide with anger. "You're defending that man to me? To ME?"

"YES, I AM!"

He stared at me for what seemed like minutes and then turned away, shaking his head in disbelief. "I cannot believe this. After everything we've been through together, that you can stand here and say that to me. I may not be perfect, but I don't deserve this."

"And I didn't deserve to be lied to for almost a year, but you didn't seem to mind doing that, did you?" I snapped.

"I told you I had my reasons!" He shouted so loudly the walls shook.

"Yes and you say it was to protect me, but the truth is that it was to protect yourself. You didn't want me to see what a liar I was married to!"

"That's enough!" he shouted, "I've had enough of this! You're acting like a damned child!"

"And you're in my way!" I shouted back, shoving him out of my way going to my suitcases, shoving more clothes into them. Angrily he stomped over and slammed the lid of the suitcase down and seized me by the arms, pulling me towards him so that we were face to face.

"Sarah for God's sake be reasonable! I made a mistake, a horrible mistake, one I wish I could undo, but I can't. Surely you have to know that I would never intentionally hurt you."

His eyes were bearing into my own as he spoke, but I refused to let them control me. "How can I believe you? How can I believe anything you say to me anymore?" I questioned. "This is more than just a simple mistake. It's like our whole relationship was a lie. Can you not see that?"

"No I can't," he replied hotly. "I am not the only one to blame here. It was Rose's deception that started the whole thing. She lied to you as well as your entire family."

"She did, but you're the one that's been here, and you're my husband. You should have trusted me and the love we had for one another, but instead you took the cowards way out and kept the truth from me! She didn't hold a gun to your head and make you lie, you did that entirely on your own!"

"Yes! Okay, yes I did! What you do want me to say? I made a bloody mistake! I didn't want to see you hurt anymore. If that makes what I did wrong then so be it. But, what of you, Sarah? What of your lies? Don't stand there with your holier than thou attitude when I bloody well know something is going on with Taylor Hockley. And don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."

""Leave Taylor out of this," I said turning from him. "He has nothing to do with YOUR lie, Harry."

"No, but he certainly has much to do with YOURS," he flung at me.

I picked more clothes stuffed them into the suitcase. "Don't turn this on me," I fumed. "Taylor is a friend, nothing more." I felt my heart thud with that, knowing full well it wasn't the truth.

"A friend? I can only imagine what kind of friend he's been. What kind of friend comes to visit a woman alone when her husband is out of town?"

"You know very well it wasn't like that," I said in frustration. "He wrote that he coming before he knew you would be gone. Forgive me for being polite and extending the invitation for him to stay here instead of a crowded hotel."

"Frankly, I don't care if he had to sleep in the streets. The fact is you were here alone with him for two weeks, TWO weeks. Am I not supposed to be upset over that? And when I get home I find you in his arms, having a jolly old time while still carrying my child!"

"How many times are you going to bring that up? I've explained that to you! It was an accident! Nothing happened in those two weeks, nothing at all!" I said firmly. It was the truth after all.

"Yes, so you say, but I know that something more was going on. I SAW it in his eyes, Sarah. The man is in love with you. He wants to have you. He's just like his brother. He wants you and the world be damned just so long as he gets what he wants."

"He is not like that and he's nothing NOTHING like Cal!" I shouted defensively, not realizing until after the last word was spoken that I had just showed him how much he had gotten to me. I saw his eyes cloud over as his lips thinned into a narrow slant.

"So, it's come to this, has it? Me standing here defending myself while you defend another man to me? Is this what our marriage has turned into?"

I turned away, not able to bear a second longer of his gaze on me. I searched for the words to answer him, but I could find none. "Please, just leave," I said after a moment.

"I'm not leaving and neither are you," he replied with a steely, cold voice. "I want the truth, since the truth is something you honor so strongly. I want to know and I want to know now. Isthere something going on between you and Taylor Hockley? "

There was a long silence between his question and my answer. I stood there, with my back turned to him, knowing that it was time for me to admit what I had been keeping secret for months. "Yes." I replied slowly, my eyes closed in a weak attempt to shield myself from his impending anger.

The silence that followed was so thick with tension I could hardly stand there.

"How long?" he asked, his voice barely recognizable. "Was it before he came here?"

I was shaking as I answered "No, it was after...after you came home."

He slumped down on the bed, cupping his head in his hands. "I knew something was off... but not this, not this," he ground out. I started to move closer to him but stopped myself. "Do you love him?" he asked as his whole body flexing in preparation for my answer.

"I...I don't know." I answered honestly in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

He laughed harshly then and lifted his head to glare at me. "I suppose that should make me feel better. Well, it doesn't, it bloody well doesn't! I should've killed him when I had the chance," he stood stalked over to the window.

I knew he was angry, I knew he was hurt, but I also knew I felt the same way. I should have said something to him, anything to try and fix what I had done, but I couldn't, maybe I didn't even want to. I had done something awful, but so had he. There was no clear victor in this fight and from where I stood, I didn't see how there could be.

"I'm sorry," I offered but the words sounded hollow. He swung around to me and I saw the hurt, the anger and betrayal in his eyes.

"Don't... just don't." He walked over to the dresser and stopped in front of it. I had yet to remove any of the dozens of perfumes, lotions and bottles I had there. Suddenly a scream tore from him and he flung his arms across the dresser sending the bottles flying off in all directions. He slammed his fists down and screamed again, this time more fiercely.

With nothing but my fear controlling, I moved back until I hit the nightstand and could go no further. As I stood there shaking, I could do nothing but watch him stand at the dresser hunched over on its surface, his fists still clenched tightly with the rage that I had brought upon him.

"Harry," I whispered his name. "I... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen."

He whirled around then and in two strides was in front of me. He grabbed my arms and hauled me up to his face. "Spare me the apologies; there is nothing you can say that will make up for this. I can't stand to look at you... I... I..." he nearly sputtered and with that he released his stronghold on me and stepped back. He ran his hands through his hair and then he turned on his heel and went for the door, slamming behind him so hard that the picture next to it fell from the wall.

Numbly, I managed to move to the bed before I lost my footing and fell on to it. I wanted to cry, but it seemed I had forgotten how. The way he had looked at me, his eyes blazing with fury, stung like fire, but there was no way I could banish it. It was something that would be with me forever.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

* * *

**Another chapter!! I actually started writing this only a few hours ago and with the help of my best bud managed to finish it IN ONE NIGHT (its a very big deal, trust me) Anyway, let me know what ya'll think, okay :)**

**

* * *

**

_Harry-_

I did not go to work that day. For a long while after I stormed out of my house I had no idea where I was going, but with my rage and fury leading the way I found myself walking towards a pub that I had passed many times before and entered it, going straight to the bar where I ordered the first drink and soon after the second. Before I knew it, it was hours later and I had clearly lost how many drinks there had been and my sobriety. I was drinking to forget and I wasn't going to stop until the very image of the woman I had taken as my wife and the man I now detested, left my mind.

So far, I hadn't had any luck.

She hadn't gone into detail about the two of them, but my imagination had no trouble filling in the blanks on its own. I took three shots of a liquor I had never even heard of to rid myself of the thought that I was home, no doubt asleep in our own bed as it was happening, but still it remained, lingering to torture me. How she could have done that? What was lacking in our marriage that would make her turn away from me? Was there something and I had become unknowingly blind that I just hadn't seen it? None of it made any sense to me. We WERE happy. We had one another, a home, a child…we'd had it all and still that didn't seem to be enough.

"Another, mate?" the barkeep asked as I set my empty glass down on the counter. I nodded and he swiftly filled a clean glass for me. Around me the pub had begun to fill with people as the work day had ended, but thankfully none paid any attention towards me.

I took a gulp of my drink and was soon on my way to draining it, when a familiar voice called out my name. My head turned slowly towards it and in my inebriated state I saw Lights coming towards me.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" he demanded. "I've been looking for you for hours. I-" he stopped and took notice of the drink in my hand. His eyes quickly darted to me and he looked me up down seeing my drunken state and shook his head. "Guess I'm too late then."

"Seems so," I answered as he took the seat next to mine and crossed his arms. "You've seen Sarah?" I asked, finishing my glass.

"No, no one has. Sylvia went over this afternoon to see the baby and your housekeeper was in hysterics. She went on and on about you beating up some bloke in the living room-"

"Hockley," I said, my voice slurring, but still not hiding the disgust.

"I figured as much. I'm also going to venture that's the reason you and Sarah were in your bedroom for nearly an hour screaming at one another."

"No, it's because she's a bloody whore!" I suddenly snapped. "Went and had him in MY home, pregnant with MY child as I slept in the next room!"

Though I had been drinking, I was still aware at how quiet it suddenly became after I said that, but I found myself unresponsive to it. "And worst of all," I continued, quoting her, "I don't know if I love him, Harry, I just don't know!"

"Harry-" he spoke, but I stood up quickly, knocking my empty glass to the floor. "I lied, yes, but never, NEVER did I even think of doing anything like that to her!"

He stood, reaching out to settle me down, but I shook him away as everyone in the pub watched. "I should have known. A mere four days we knew one another before she was at my door and then in my bed!"

Lights and everyone else stared at me in shock. I looked around at all the strange faces that gaped at me and then back at him, suddenly at a loss for words. He shook his head at me and sighed.

"I think you've had enough, come on-" he said, his hand coming down on my arm. I slapped it away.

"I'll know when I've had enough!" I barked at him.

The crowd around us sucked in their breath all at once as Lights' face turned a deep shade of red.

"Harry-" he began, but I wasn't about to hear him chastise me one more time. Quickly I had him by the collar and up against the bar.

"You're off duty, Officer Lightoller…take your goodwill away from here!"

That's when the barkeep intervened. "All right, break it up, mates, or I'll have to call the police."

He pulled me off of Lights and that's when I looked over and saw him walk through the door. Obviously he wasn't expecting to see me there; the look on his face said it all.

"Harry-" Lights started but I shoved him back.

"You," I snarled as I felt the blood rush through my body.

Taylor Hockley stood in the doorway, looking as if he wanted to be anywhere but where he was and I was bloody well glad he wasn't anywhere but right there in front of me. He held up his hand and shook his head as I approached him. Adrenaline surged through me, spurring me on.

"Harry don't," Lights said behind me.

"Shut up!" I shouted to him, but never took my eyes off of Hockley.

"I didn't come here for that," Hockley said stiffly.

"Well, it's what you're going to get," I swung wildly at him, but to my surprise he was quick and ducked, preventing me from landing my blow. I swung around and glared at him, furious that he had escaped me. "You little son of a-"

"I'm not going to fight you!" Taylor shook his head.

"Then this will be easy for me, won't it." I sneered and threw another punch, narrowly missing his face as he moved away at the last second. The last several hours of drinking at definitely taken their toll on my reflexes, but I refused to give in.

"Listen Lowe, don't blame me because you lied to your wife for months. I assume she heard us and that's why you're here. You couldn't stay and face her after she found out. Is that it?" he threw at me accusingly.

His words made something explode inside of me and I grabbed him roughly, ready to pound his head in just for the pure enjoyment that it would give me. Obviously he didn't know that I knew, but I would right that.

"Try again," I hissed and then just from the sudden drop of his attitude, I knew he knew. "That's right, I know," I gritted through my teeth as his face turned ashen beneath my harsh gaze. "She 'confessed' everything to me and now I'm going to kill you, you slimy bastard."

Lights was suddenly in between us, his hand on my chest pushing me away from Taylor. "Settle down, all right. There are other ways to take care of this."

I shoved Lights away from me, but he wasn't inebriated as I was and kept his footing. "Harry," he ground out, lowering his voice. "You don't want to do this, not here and not like this."

"Listen to you friend, Lowe. This is not the time or -" was as far as Hockley got before I slammed my fist in his face, sending him flying backwards. I felt Lights grab me but I wasn't going to be deterred. Before I knew I was going to do it, I turned and hit him as well and he fell back on the bar. Suddenly, a hand grabbed my arm and swung me around. I felt the blow to my jaw before I saw it. I slumped backwards, hitting the ground with a hard thud.

"You're an idiot, do you know that?" he glared down at me, "She doesn't deserve this and you sure as hell don't deserve her!"

Once I gathered my balance, I scrambled to my feet and lunged for him, catching him in the mid-section. We tumbled into a table, sending the contents and the people sitting there flying in all directions. I found myself on top of him and having the advantage I wrapped my hands around his neck. "You're going to wish you'd never laid eyes on her when I'm done with you." I gritted angrily through clenched teeth.

"Go to hell," he hissed with a gasp.

I lost all reasoning and with as much force as I could muster and began squeezing with all of my might. My fingers gripped his neck like a vice but, once again I felt myself being grabbed and lifted away from him. I had no choice but to release my hold on his throat. He rolled over and began coughing, grabbing his neck in the process.

I fought at the hands that held me, but it was no use. I crashed back into the bar when Lights grabbed my shirt and pulled me inches from him face. "Harry, if you don't stop this right now, I'm going to pull rank and strip you of your duties! For God's sake, you could have killed him," he glared at me angrily.

"Get off me!" I shouted "You know what he did, we both do! The little snake deserves it! My wife is now the town slut because of him!"

By that time Hockley had stood to his feet. He was rubbing his neck and staring at me with hatred. "You're a damned fool, Lowe. If you knew anything about your wife you would know she is not that kind of woman."

"I know what I heard!" I moved to go to him again, but Lights strong arm came down in front of me.

"You heard what you wanted to hear," Hockley spat at me. "Sarah and I have done nothing wrong. She's a decent, respectable woman and if you raise your voice to slander her again you'll be eating those words along with a few teeth."

"She was decent and respectable until you came along," I hurled at him. "You're just like your damned brother, you ruin everything you touch."

I saw Hockley's face darken at my slur. He made a move towards me, but Lights positioned himself between us preventing him from moving any further.

"I've heard enough, the whole place has heard enough. Take this outside, both of you," Lights said grabbing me and shoving me toward the door.

"No one's going anywhere," a loud voice interrupted us. Three stern faced Constables entered the pub and took in the scene. "What seems to be the problem gentlemen?" one of them asked.

"No problem," Lights answered lightly, trying to diffuse the situation. "Just a little misunderstanding."

"Misunderstanding, eh? This looks a bit more than a little misunderstanding," he looked down at the broken table and then at Hockley and I. "You wanna tell me what the misunderstanding is about?" the officer asked me.

I glared at Hockley, but no matter how hard I tried to keep my anger at bay, it came spewing forth from me bitter and hot. "You mean besides the fact that he's a slimy sonofbitch who would stoop so low as to take another man's wife?"

Hockley sneered and shook his head at me. "She's a hell of a lot better off with me than a lying, gutless bastard like you," came his torrid response.

Burning hatred flared through me and I released a guttural scream as I lunged for him. I didn't give a damn about Lights or the Constables. My only focus was on Taylor Hockley and making him suffer as much as humanly possible.

However, he was ready for me this time and met me head on. We were flinging blows at each other wherever we could land one. My foot connected with his midsection as his fist caught my upper jaw. Still, we didn't release our hold on each other until we were forcibly pulled back, both of us screaming and swearing at each other.

"Alright! Break it up!" the constable yelled at us. "I think you both could use some time in the cooler."

With that, he motioned for the other two officers and without any preamble, they shoved both Hockley and I out to the paddy wagon, locking our hands in cuffs before throwing us in. Once they had us in their custody, the two men sat in the back with us daring us to move. Hockley and I glared angrily at each other. I still felt the white hot hatred for him burning through me and if it was the last thing I ever did, Taylor Hockley would pay for what he done to my family one way or the other.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

* * *

**I just wanted to send a quick note to all of you and thank you for the wonderful (absolutely WONDERFUL) reviews that I've been getting on this story lately. Though I realize that some of you don't like parts of it, I'm so glad that you continue to review and express to me your opinions and thoughts. Really, it means the world to me.**

**Love to you all, and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

* * *

**

_Sarah-_

It was well past midnight when I heard the bell at the front door ring. Leaving Jonathan, who slept in the cradle next to my bed, I unlocked the bedroom door, wrapping my robe around myself as I moved slowly down the dark stairs. It was the first time I had left my room since that morning and I knew it shocked Mrs. Crewe who met me at the foot of the stairs.

"Mrs. Lowe?" she said, surprised. The doorbell rang again, and I nodded to the door for her to answer it. A constable eyes met mine and Mrs. Crewe looked positively petrified at the sight of him. I stood up straight, hiding my fear for why he was here.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Mrs. Harold Lowe?"

"Yes, what can I do for you?"

"I've come to inform you that your husband has been arrested."

I held my breath, not sure I wanted to know the answer to the question I was about to ask. "On what charge?"

"Drunkenness in public, destruction of property, and assault," the constable read off the list of crimes.

"I see," I replied, though I was shaking with the piece of news he had just given me. "Has bail been set?"

"Yes, ma'am, it has. I'll accompany you to the station."

"Very well, allow me to change and I'll be right with you."

He nodded, "I'll wait out here."

I responded with a nod of my own and Mrs. Crewe shut the door.

"Mrs. Lowe?"

"Please, Mrs. Crewe, I know what you are going to say, but I just need your help right now. I'm going to go down to the station and take care of this and I need to you to stay with the baby."

"Yes, ma'am," the older woman's eyes were full of questions and concerns and I could tell there was more she wanted to say. Lord knows she certainly had the right after everything that had happened in this house today, but I couldn't be bothered by that at the moment. I went upstairs and dressed quickly and quietly as to not wake Jonathan and was back downstairs in a record time. Mrs. Crewe was still by the door with my hat and coat ready for me. I thanked her and went out the door to meet the constable.

We arrived at the jail fifteen minutes later and though I would have rather dipped in crocodile invested waters than go in to fetch my husband, go in I did. I was burning with embarrassment and guilt as I paid his bail and was even more humiliated when I saw that Herb was there sitting in the corner waiting for me. Just seeing him there told me that he knew all that had happened. I sighed heavily as he made his way towards me and what I was sure would be the reprimand of a lifetime.

"He's in bad shape," he told me directly. "I found him a few hours ago drunker than hell and getting drunker."

I nodded, having already heard that from the constable and it was then that I noticed a rather large bruise on the side of his face. The pieces came together rather quickly in my mind and I looked at him in disbelief. "He hit you?"

His hand came up to his cheek and his grazed the bruise as if he himself had forgotten that it was there. "Ah, yes. It looks worse than it is though, I can assure you of that."

"When they told me he had been in a fight, you were the last person I suspected-"

"No, you're mistaken," he said interrupting me. "I was the man in the middle, as I always seem to be in these kinds of situations."

"Then who-"

"I think you know," he told me and I did.

Taylor.

His tone was no where near harsh or accusing, which I appreciated but didn't think that I deserved. My head fell in guilt and he reached over and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I don't know what happened, nor do I care to. This is between you and him, but I know his temper. Tread carefully, is all I'll say."

I nodded, having a full understanding of his temper after our quarrel earlier.

"It will be all right, Sarah," he told me with a comforting pat on the arm, but even I could hear the doubt in his voice. He knew Harry as well as I did.

Harry was brought out then. The sight of him bruised, haggard, bags under his eyes and clothes rumpled made me wonder for a moment if I was truly looking at my husband or some stranger they had mistakenly brought out to me. All it took was one look into his hate filled eyes that were glaring in my direction for me to know that it was him.

I felt horrible as I saw him standing there, knowing that it was something that I had done that had put him here and was desperate to make it better, but I didn't even know where to begin. Hesitantly, I stepped forward. "Are you all right?" I asked.

He turned away from me, refusing to answer and I sunk back feeling my stomach turn in guilt and upset. A constable handed him his jacket and Herb also tried to speak with him, but he would have none of it and stalked out of the building, giving me no choice but to follow.

When we arrived home, the house was dark save for the sitting room that Mrs. Crewe had miraculously been able to put back together some hours earlier. Harry strolled straight in there and headed for the small bar that was kept near the window, usually reserved for guests, and opened a bottle of brandy. I watched him for only a moment before I went up the stairs and found Mrs. Crewe sitting in the nursery rocking chair reading with Jonathan fast asleep in the cradle. I thanked her and excused her for the night and as she left the room I went over and ran a hand over my son's soft cheek and then kissed him. He looked so calm as he slept, not a care in the world, and I envied him. I gave him another kiss before I left the room, going back down the stairs to find Harry collapsed on the couch, large glass of brandy in hand, staring off towards the fireplace.

I cautiously walked over to him, standing just in front of him. I was about to speak when he glared up me with contempt.

"I thought you'd be gone by now," he said with a hard, pitiless voice. I steeled myself against the coldness of his statement. This was not the Harry I knew, this was a different man, a man I didn't know at all.

"So did I," I finally answered. "I… I just couldn't bring myself to do it."

He smirked at me with condescension, "What's the matter, Hockley toss you over already?"

I remained composed despite his nasty comment. "I haven't spoken to Taylor. I haven't spoken to anyone." I answered truthfully. I had been in my room since he left that morning and even though my suitcases were packed and ready, I just couldn't leave.

"Aren't you just the lucky one?" he questioned sarcastically and stood, stalking over to the window. "I had the bloody misfortune of running into your 'lover' which consequently landed me in the boot. I've had _quite_ the day."

"He's not my lover, Harry," I said coming forward so that we could talk face to face. "I swear nothing more than a kiss happened between us."

"Spare me your lies, Sarah!" he suddenly snarled at me, "The thought alone makes me sick! Don't make it worse by lying about it now!"

"Why would I lie about it?" I answered in a much calmer voice, trying to bring him down to my level. "I have no reason to. You've already assumed the worst and look at what's happened?  
"Yes, look at what's happened," he threw back at me mockingly, "I trusted you and what did it get me? What did it GET me? Nothing, that's what!"

"And the same can be said for me."

"Don't even try comparing the two!" he stepped forward to stand over me. "I may have lied about your cousin, but you lied to me about another man! It makes me sick to think of our son inside of while you betrayed me with him!"

I stood there for a moment dumbfounded as he turned back to the bar. Did he actually think I had done that? Yes, I had kissed Taylor, yes it was VERY wrong, but I had not done what he was saying I had, and the very idea that he thought I had done that while pregnant with his child was beyond insulting.

I walked over to where he was, back at the bar refilling his glass. With anger over taking me, I snatched it out of his hand and threw it down on the floor, letting the glass shatter against the hardwood floor.

"What kind of person do you take me for?" I yelled at him, "I would never, NEVER do that to you or our son! I am not some common piece of street trash nor do I intend to become one. I made a mistake and so did you! We lied to one another! Can you not see that?"

He stared at me for a long moment and I thought I had actually gotten through to him, but then, just as quickly as it had came it was gone and replaced by a hurt expression mingled with anger.

"Why him Sarah, why?" he gritted the question. "I believed in you, in what we had. How could you do that to me? How?"

I turned away from him and shook my head. "I don't know." I answered honestly, "I can't even explain it to myself. I knew it was wrong as it was happening, but it was like…like I was a completely different person."

He lowered his head and ran his fingers recklessly through his dark hair. "I feel like everything I wanted has been stolen from me. Every time I close my eyes…I see you with him."

He fell silent after that, his eyes closed, the image no doubt running through his mind at that very moment. I offered my comfort by putting a hand on his arm.

"I wish I could take that image away. I didn't want to hurt you…I love you."

He looked up me then with a chillingly cold glare and pushed my hand away. "Don't say that to me; don't ever say that to me again. I can't believe that, not when I know the truth."

"You do though," I pressed, "In spite of all of that, I know that you do. Perhaps it wouldn't have hurt you so much if you knew that I didn't, but-"

"Do you really believe that?" he cut me off harshly, "Of course I believed that you loved me, I was blinded by it! I trusted you more than anyone. Now…now, I don't. Not anymore. You have betrayed me with your damned lies!"

"And what of you?" I demanded, just as harshly, "Is it really fair of you to criticize me for doing the same thing that you yourself did to me. You lied to me for much longer than I lied to you, nearly a year. Even as we said our vows in front of God, you were lying. I'm here, standing in front of you, totally unguarded, admitting my lie and deception and taking full responsibility for both, but you don't seem to think that you have to the same."

"Because it's not the same," he spat stubbornly.

I released an irritated sigh. "I cannot believe this! It's like speaking to a child. The situations may be different, but there was lying and betrayal on both our parts. Neither one of us is better than the other and you know that. If you would just stop and think for a moment, free from alcohol, maybe you'll come to your senses and realize that!"

"I don't need you to tell me how to live my life! You lost that right when you chose Hockley over me!" he snapped in response.

"I didn't choose him over you!" I countered, my frustration in full control now. "If I had done that I wouldn't be standing here with you right now, I'd be miles away from here with him and YOUR son living a life free from you and all of this!"

"Then go!" he screamed at me, "Just go and leave me! I don't need you here reminding me of your betrayal" he ground out and walked away from me.

"I'm not leaving!" I told him defiantly. As mad as I was at him, a part of me still hoped to make things right between us.

He whirled back around at me words and shot me a murderous stare, "Fine, stay, but you'll be the only one here!"

"What?" I asked, not quite understanding what he was saying.

"I'm signing up on the first ship out of here! I don't care where it's going just as long as I get away from here and get away from you!"

"You don't mean that," I said with shock as his words ran cold through me.

"I assure you, I do," he retorted. "You can stand there with your innocent eyes and try and convince me nothing happened with you and Hockley but I know what I know. I can't be with you as my wife when you've already been his whore. I may not be perfect but I deserve a hell of lot better than that."

"Harry!" I screamed, but it was too late, he was out the door before my plea could be heard and Jonathan's sudden wail from upstairs stopped me from going after him. Trying to stop my tears, I made my way up to him and took him into my arms. However it only took a moment for the feel of our son in my arms for me the barrier to break and my tears came flowing.

I cried and he cried, and even though it was for different reasons, we were all the other had and for right now, that was going to have to be enough.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

* * *

**New chapter!! Yay!! **

**I hope everyone had a great holiday and so far a great New Year :) I loved all of your reviews, and hope that you continue to send them :)**

**Until next time...which I hope isn't too much longer :)**

* * *

_Taylor-_

I was an idiot.

Whatever it was that had possessed me to get on a ship, sail across an ocean to come here and confront Harry with what I knew, was as big as mystery to me as to why he had kept the secret in the first place. A night in jail had set me straight about that, that and two large bruises, one on my face and the other in my ribs. This was immediately followed by the kind of guilt that makes one nauseous and is nearly always followed by strong migraines that make you want to bash your head against something hard and sharp.

Sarah had left him, he had made that clear in the pub and even though I knew an apology was deserved and just on his part, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I assumed that she had gone home, most likely to her grandfathers, as I couldn't see her going back to her grandmothers given what had happened when she had been there last.

She probably hated him, but that wasn't my intent. I went there with my want very clearly established.

I wanted him to be honest with her.

That was all I could think of. Sarah's ignorance to the situation was a slap in the face to her and I wasn't about to let it continue. Rose and Harry owed her the truth and in my mind they were selfish to keep it from her. She wasn't a child, hell she had her own child! She was his wife and he let another woman control him. It was wrong no matter how you looked at it, but it wasn't my place and even though my feelings for her were the strongest that I had ever felt for anyone, it wasn't my place and I should have kept my mouth shut.

"Name, sir?" I was asked as I stepped on board the ship. I was a coward, leaving the way I was, but under the circumstances, I thought it best.

I told him my name quickly, flashing my ticket in the process. He nodded and pointed me down the corridor towards my stateroom. I thanked him and adjusted the coat I had slung over my arm as I started down it.

The small corridors of a ship were not built for crowds, but somehow that didn't stop people from loitering about as if it were lounge made just for them. Tetchily, I pushed my way through them, slowly make my way towards my stateroom. Suddenly a steward with obvious ignorance rushed down the center of the crowd causing me to move quickly against what I thought was a bare wall, but upon my impact with a body behind me, I knew I was mistaken.

"Pardon me," I replied turning around, but stopped short when I realized who I was looking at.

Her expression had frozen as her gaze had fallen upon me, but as the realization hit her she suddenly cowered back and looked around her with guilt clearly written on her face.

"Sarah-" I began, but she turned away quickly and disappeared inside of the doorway she had been standing in front of, leaving me staring at a door with the look of shock still on my face and frustration beginning to fill me.

Two days later and a hundred or so miles into the Atlantic I found that my mood had gone from mildly frustrated, to wholly infuriated. My run in with Sarah after boarding had only been the first of many meetings that never lasted more than a second and always ended with her avoiding my gaze and making a quick exit from where ever we happened to be.

She was mad at me that much was clear, and I was quite sure I knew why, but to take the juvenile approach and act as if I wasn't even there, that was too much. It was just luck on her part that I hadn't gotten a chance to tell her that…yet. Tonight, tonight I swore I would get my chance. She had actually left her room and come to dinner, and I wasn't about to let her leave without getting a few words in beforehand.

I watched her sit down at a table with an older couple who I knew to be part of the New York society circle her grandfather was a part of and engage in small talk while they waited for the meal to arrive. I, myself, was sitting across the room at the same table as Michael Gregory, who I had gone to school with. He and his wife, Caroline, had just returned from a trip abroad and were regaling the table with a tale of their travels, but my focus was on Sarah. I didn't want to miss my chance.

Finally, after the last course had been cleared away she rose from the table and began her good-byes. I did the same, though more absentmindedly I'm sure and started to follow her out of the dining room.

I walked far behind her for a good while, waiting for the corridor to be completely empty before I came up behind her,

"Sarah," I called her name simply, but she turned around sharply as if I had screamed it. "We need to talk."

She took a breath as she looked at me and then suddenly whirled back around and began to walk more quickly towards her room. I broke into a run after her and soon was moving in front of her and blocking her path. She tried to move past me, but a swift grab around the waist took care of that, and without thinking I took her to the nearest door, which happened to be my own and forcefully put her inside.

"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded as I shut the door securely behind me. "Let me out of here immediately or I swear I will scream!"

"More so than you already are?" I asked sarcastically.

She scowled at me, her eyes dark and angry. "Don't you think your games have caused enough trouble already?"

"Games," I pointed out dryly, "are supposed to be fun and as you can see I'm not having much of that."

"If you want my pity-" she huffed but I quickly cut her off. "I don't want your damn pity! I want you to talk to me!"

"There is nothing to talk about," she retorted stiffly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a child who needs my tending."

"Not until I have my say," I said blocking the door. Her hard gaze landed on me but I was not going to be deterred from my mission. "Look, I understand that you're angry. I understand that you're in pain-"

"You don't understand anything!" she snapped. "What happened between us destroyed my marriage and sent my husband away to God only knows where."

"_He _left you?" I asked a bit puzzled since I knew Harry had made it clear that Sarah had taken the baby and left.

"Yes, he left when he found out about us," she crossed her arms tightly.

"You told him?"

She threw me a cross look. "Of course I told him. He asked me straight out and I couldn't lie to him, not anymore. He trusted me and I… I betrayed him because my mind was clouded by you."

It was all beginning to make sense now. I sighed heavily then, not sure of what to say next. It seemed to me that even though Harry had lied, she still saw him as her husband. However, because of what had happened between her and I he wanted nothing to do with her. I walked away from the door, my head hanging now, the only bright spot I could see was the fact that she had thought of me while we had been apart, something I had hoped for all these months.

"Well at least I know my feelings for you weren't one sided." I said, though I wasn't sure why.

Her back was to me, but I saw her tense with impatience at my words. "Taylor," she began. "I shouldn't have let things go as far as they did between us. I should have been stronger. I should have never let you stay for two weeks when my husband was gone."

I nodded, though she couldn't see me. Maybe it had been ignorant to let me stay there, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. I didn't regret a single thing, because morality aside, it was by far the best thing that had ever happened to me. I was no one before her and I had no desire to go back to being the person that I was before. God, if I could only make her see that.

"Sarah," I started but she stopped me short.

"No! I should have never agreed to it."

"You don't mean that," I said, hoping that my assumption was right.

"Don't I?" she said as she turned towards me, a slight quiver in her voice, "It was wrong. You and I should have never crossed that line of friendship. It's done nothing but bring us hardship and grief."

"I happen to think any hardship and grief I've suffered has been worth it," I replied smoothly.

"See, that's what I'm talking about! You're to blame for all of this, you know! If you had just kept your feelings to yourself, this never would have happened!"

"If,I-?" I suddenly fumed, not believing that she had just said. I found myself moving towards her quickly. "Look here, I made it very clear to you in the beginning that I didn't plan on any of this! I fell in love with you, yes I admit that. But you, _you_ Miss High and Mighty are the one who came to me after I left! You are the one who threw yourself into my arms and YOU are the one who kissed ME!"

"How dare you!" she hissed harshly. "How dare you throw that in my face? I was clearly confused about what was happening between us. If you hadn't have kissed ME in the first place I wouldn't have considered you at all."

"Is that so?" I asked furiously. "Well, I suppose I should be complimented then. One kiss on my part and I've got you trailing me all over town!" I flung my arms out as I spoke.

"You would think that!" she threw at me. "I did not _trail_ you all over town."

"It sure as hell wasn't me that came to YOU down on those docks."

She made a stifled screaming noise and started for the door again. "This whole conversation is absurd! I am going back to my room and I want you to leave me alone the rest of this trip."

Again, I raced for the door preventing her from escaping. "I don't think so. This is far from over."

She stopped short and glared heavily at me. "Let me out of here."

"I can't."

"Why?" she asked in clear frustration. "Why can't you leave me alone?"

"Because…" I paused before I said the next words. "Because, I love you."

I saw her demeanor soften and I thought for a moment she was going to give in to me but she closed her eyes and pressed her fingertips to her temple. "Taylor, can't you see how impossible this is? You and I... this whole thing we're involved in, it's impossible."

"All I can see is how much I love you," I came towards her slowly, my hands reaching out to her shoulders, "I never wanted any of this to happen."

"Please don't," she stepped back but stumbled slightly into the table behind her. "I can't do this."

"Do what? Talk to me?"

"Any of this!" she cried. "I can't think clearly when you're around me. I can't think of anything but you. Are you happy now? Is that what you want to hear?"

I hated seeing her so confused and yet my spirits soared at her declaration. It was clear she was fighting herself and as much as I wanted to let her go, I could not. She was in my blood now and I wanted her. I reached for her, my hand skimming her cheek in the process.

"Taylor," she breathed and tried to move away from me, but I stepped in her path and forced her to face me. "Taylor, please," she shook her head.

"Sarah, don't you understand? I didn't plan this, I didn't even know you were going to be on this ship but you are, and so am I. Fate has brought us together, right here, right now."

She lowered her head from me but I gently lifted it and stared down into her smoky, green eyes. "I love you and I know you love me, I know you do. Deny it, Sarah. I dare you to deny it."

I felt her waver for a moment but she quickly extinguished it and pushed at me. "Why are you making this so difficult? It's not a matter of how I feel or how you feel. It is what it is, and nothing we do can change that."

Her stubbornness was pushing me to the edge of my patience. I suddenly reached out and grabbed her and pulled her to me. Her eyes widened at my sudden move but I could feel her heart pounding from where I stood. I knew she was as affected as me.

"It CAN change," I told her. "It already has. You've changed my life and I will never be the same again because of you. You're fooling yourself if you think you can walk away from me... I'm as much a part of you now as you are me."

She stared at me as if she were drowning and had no way of rescue. I cupped her face in my hands and lifted it close to mine. "Look at me, Sarah." I whispered urgently. "Look at me and see the man who loves you."

Her demeanor crumpled then and I saw in her eyes what I wanted to see. She could hide it, fight it and bury it as deep as she wanted to but she loved me and I knew it now. My control was near its breaking point as it was, but when she released a small whimper, that was my undoing. Before I could even stop it, I swooped down and captured her mouth in a hot, searing kiss. She gripped my arms as I plundered her sweet lips, pulling her closer to me to fully take her under my control.

I was a man possessed, driven by my desire to have what I wanted. I felt her body meld into mine as she began to find my pace. She gripped my head in her hands, running her fingers wildly through my hair. Our lips never left each others as I lifted her and held her tightly against my chest.

Without any rationale she tore at my coat, pulling at the buttons with abandon. I swiftly shrugged out of it, only breaking away from her long enough to toss it aside. I lifted her, straddling her legs around my waist and fell with her back on the bed. Once again our lips met in a fevered rush when we came back together.

I wanted to touch her, skin to skin, flesh to flesh. I had waited long enough for my prize and now here she was for the taking. As much as I had admired women's fashions before I detested them in this moment. She was wrapped in layer upon layer of clothing much to my frustration as I pushed her skirts up, searching for an opening.

"Oh my God," she breathed when I finally connected with her leg and lifted it, running my hand up the silky stocking that covered it. Her skin was warm beneath my hand and it only served to drive me further on to my destination. I left her mouth to rain hot kisses down the soft skin of her neck, letting the scent of her take me to the edge. I lifted her skirts higher and brought myself over her, capturing her mouth once again. I couldn't get enough of her, I wanted everything.

When my fingers finally reached the top of her stocking, I began pulling at the clasp that held in it place and that's when I felt her body tense beneath mine. She pushed at my chest and ripped her mouth from mine.

"Taylor," she gasped. "No, I can't."

"Why, what's wrong?" I asked breathlessly.

She pushed me back and sat up, pulling her at her skirts as she did. "I can't... I just can't," she said moving off the bed.

"What?" I sat up as well and watched her move further away from me.

"I can't do this. I'm...I'm just not ready."

"Not ready?" I repeated and stood to my feet. My body was still on fire for her even as she stood there telling me no. I ran an agitated hand through my hair and tried to reign in myself in. It was all I could do not grab her and finish what we had started.

"You heard me. We have to stop this right now," she said in a shaky voice as she adjusted her gown, erratically smoothing it down to a more presentable fashion.

"Sarah, this is not wrong. What we feel for each other, it's not wrong," I pleaded my case, hoping to calm her and bring her back to me.

"It's not that, I told you, I'm just not ready. It's too fast." she replied shaking her head.

"Too fast?" I repeated again. I hooked my hands on my hips and stared up at the ceiling. "Don't you understand what's happening here? Don't you understand how much I _need_ you? I want you, Sarah and I know you want me just as much."

"I'm sorry," she shook her head again and made for the door, this time reaching it. "I can't let you cloud my judgment, Taylor. I have a responsibility to my child and the fact is I'm still married. Harry is still my husband."

Her words were like a slap in the face to me and yet I could not dispute it. Nonetheless, it didn't keep my frustrations from spewing out like so much venom. "That's a hell of thing to say to me, Sarah. You throw him in my face at a time like this."

"I'm sorry," she said again as she opened the door and stepped halfway through and then turned back to me, her features mirroring my own frustrated one. "Please Taylor, for my sake, don't come near me again while we're aboard this ship. I can't deny anything you've said but the time is not right. Please, just do as I ask." And then she was gone, the click of the door signaling her exit.

I settled back down on the bed, taking a deep breath as I tried to clear my head. My mind was a mess of thoughts and emotions, but after a moment I was able to bring myself back logic and decided she had been right. The last thing I wanted to do was make another mistake and if we had gone on uninterrupted, that is exactly what would have happened.

She asked me to keep my distance and that is exactly what I intended to do. She would have as much space as she liked and even more if she wanted it. I'd do anything for her, even if it meant not being near her.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

* * *

**Just a quick apology for the gap between updates. Life was pretty crazy there for awhile and just recently started to calm down (let's cross our fingers that it says that way ;)) **

**Also, a HUGE thank you for all the reviews I recieved for the last chapter. I know it was kind of erm...shocking, but I must say I loved the reactions I got (lol, can you really blame me). So thanks again and even though this chapter is short, I hope everyone likes it :D

* * *

**

_Sarah-_

Once back in my room, with the door shut and locked, I was finally able to breathe. All the emotions that had been building up inside of me were screaming to be released, but I quickly silenced them. As I had just told him, this wasn't the time or the place for something like this to happen. I was married, and even though I had no idea where my husband was, I was still his wife and I certainly wasn't going to be anymore unfaithful to him than I already had.

I released a jagged breath and stepped away from the door. My heart was still pounding and my breathing was still quite erratic. I sank down into a nearby chair hoping to calm myself. I no more had settled back when the door to the adjoining room opened and Kathleen, the girl I had hired to help me with Jonathan, came into view with Jonathan cradled gently in her arms.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, I heard a noise and-"

I quickly hushed her, with a shake of my head, "No, no, that's fine. How is he?" I asked, rising and coming over to her. Jonathan was wide-awake and I thought I detected the hint of a smile on his face.

"Very content," she answered, handing him to me. "Not a single tear."

I smiled at my son, giving him tiny kisses on his soft cheek, "That's what I like to hear."

Kathleen smiled. She was a sweet girl and I had been lucky to find her when I did. She was Mrs. Crewe's niece and when I had informed her that we weren't going to be needing her services for a while, she suggested I take her niece on as a nanny for the trip. I was hesitant at first, but after seeing how wonderful she was with my son, I was very happy with my decision.

"I'll leave you two alone," she said and gave a slight curtsy before going back into the room and shutting the door.

I took Jonathan over to my bed and settled comfortably on it, cradling him in my arms. I gave him another kiss and held him close to my face. He was so sweet and soft, he was heaven on earth for me and oh, how I wanted to make everything perfect for him. It was doubtful, however, that allowing my relationship with Taylor to progress in such a way was the way to do that.

Looking at my sons beautiful face, he seemed unaffected by what had been happening around him. The lies, the fighting, the deception. Barely seven weeks old and he was already involved in such a mess...and I nearly made it worse.

I sighed. How could I have let things get this far with Taylor? I was surprised as he had been to learn we were both on the same ship, but I did do my best to stay away from him. I didn't trust myself near him and what happened a few moments ago was concrete proof that I had no control where he was concerned. He brought something out in me that seemed so dangerous and so exciting all at once and I just couldn't fight it. More than that, he knew it, oh, did he know it.

At my lack of attention Jonathan started to fuss and I quickly turned back to him. Holding him closer to me and I rocked him slightly before I laid him down on the bed next to me. I used the spare pillows to make a barrier on the opposite side so he wouldn't roll off and then, in my dinner gown and all, I laid down next to him. Using a single finger I softly rubbed his arm back and forth, lulling him to sleep with the movement. As his eyes began to close, I could feel my own lids become heavy and very soon I was asleep.

Four days later, we docked in New York.

It was a relief to me when I spotted the skyline out of my porthole that morning, putting an end to the strain I had felt since that night in Taylor's room. Every time I had ventured out onto the decks or went to dinner, I was constantly on alert, afraid our paths would cross once again, but they never did. In fact, I had only seen him once since that night, and it was only for a brief second as I made my way back to my room with Jonathan after a stroll on the deck.

However hard I tried though, he was on my mind and that was something I couldn't hide from. I still remembered that night in his room, right down to the smallest detail, but the guilt that always followed after was quick to knock me back down to the lowest point. I had nearly done what Harry had accused me of and I had nearly become the awful thing he had referred to me as.

Never was I more glad to see that city.

Kathleen had Jonathan dressed and ready by the time I was ready to leave and in no time we were exiting the ship along with the other passengers towards the crowd of people below who waited for us.

I had wired both George and my grandfather the day before I had left Liverpool, but I didn't expect either one of them to be here to meet me. George was still in school and grandfather just wasn't the type, but to my amazement, as soon as I stepped off the ship there was George, a smiling spreading across his face as he spotted me. I felt like a child again returning from school, and without a second thought I rushed into his waiting arms.

He laughed at my spontaneous burst of affection, but as I continued to cling to him, he stopped, almost as if he realized how much I needed him then. His arms came around me tightly and he gave me the kind of simple affection I had needed.

"Are you okay?" he asked in a voice that only the two of us could hear.

Still holding on to him, I nodded. "Just happy to be home." I answered. And though I could tell he knew there was more, he said nothing and instead, he just let me hold on to him and let the realization sink in that I was finally home.

* * *

_Harry-_

I awoke to the cool dawn morning only aware of two things, that I had a hell of a headache and the distinct feel of a feminine body lying next to me. I warily opened one eye to look and all I could see was a tumble of blond hair and pale skin. In my movement, I stirred her and she turned to me sleepily with a smile on her face. I stared stupidly at her, wondering who she was and how she ended up in my bed... or was it my bed.

That question was answered with a cursory glance around the room. I quickly realized this wasn't my room and that I had no idea how I had come to be here. The woman next to me brought her hand up to cup my face,

"Good morning," she nearly purred and then cuddled up next to me. Repulsed, I turned on my side and started to stand. "Hey, where you going?" she asked a slight cockney accent. I lowered my head in my hands, feeling the weight of it and trying to get the pounding to stop. "You alright there?" she asked coming to her knees and pressing her body against my back.

"Where am I?" I asked thickly, my tongue refused to work properly it seemed.

"You don't remember?"

"No," I answered shortly. "I don't."

"You're at my place, you insisted we come here. Don't you remember a 'tall?"

"No," I answered and stood. I was made conscious of my nakedness, a fact that I wasn't entirely comfortable with. "Where are my clothes?" I nearly snapped.

"All over," she grinned and made a motion with her hand. She was right, they were strewn everywhere as if I couldn't get them off fast enough. The picture it painted left me queasy and quite disgusted with myself.

"You, ah, you were in a bit of a hurry," she laughed huskily at my expression.

"I shouldn't be here," I said as I snatched them from the floor and shakily tried to put them on.

"You didn't feel that way last night. You couldn't wait and if I may so, you were an excellent lover."

I moaned at this bit of information. I barely managed to get my pants on before I slumped down in the chair. "How could I have done this?"

"Well, you did have a bit to drink, I suppose. Of course, you perked right up each time I brought you freshers and when I told you my name was Sarah, why you just became more and more friendly."

I swallowed deeply, barely raising my eyes to her. "You're - You're name is Sarah?"

"That it is, love. Sarah Jane Thackeray... but you just kept saying Sarah over and over. Sarah, you'd say as if it were silk. Made me feel right warm and then you just plain swept me off my feet."

"Oh God," I moaned. What had I done?

"I'm sorry," I offered weakly. "I, I feel terrible about this. I had no business-"

"Don't you dare," she cut me off. "We had a good time, plain and simple. I don't want no explanations or excuses."

"But I don't remember you," I said as if that was enough of a reason for her to rail against me, call me every name in the book. Why was she being so indifferent? What kind of woman was this?

"Listen love, I don't care if you thought I was the Queen herself. You were everything a man should be and more and I'd gladly do it again."

That was not the answer I wanted or needed to hear. I wanted her to blast me, to scream at me for being a cad and bastard. I suddenly had the overwhelming need to remove myself from this room and her presence. I stood and began to gather my things, putting them on with shaky fingers. "Sarah is it? I shouldn't be here. I'm married you see and I, well, I just shouldn't be here."

"Married eh? I figured as much. Well, pity that," she shrugged and slid off the bed. The sheet was barely hanging around her, but she didn't seem to mind. She came up to me, clutching it between the mounds of her breasts. "Well, love, just know this, if wifey dear doesn't satisfy your needs, you just come back here. I can and will... so don't you forget it."

I swallowed stiffly again and stepped back from her. I had to get away from her, away from what I had done. I finished dressing and made for the door. I turned back to Sarah, who had already returned to the bed. She was lying across it, one hand propped up under her head. She smiled and bit her lip. "It's a shame you can't stay, but I guess you gotta get back to the wifey, eh?"

Oh God, if she only knew, I thought. I opened the door and gave her one more cursory look. "Goodbye..." I searched for other words, but none came. I licked my dry lips and nodded shortly. "Goodbye." I said again and shut the door behind me. As I stood there for a moment gathering my scattered wits, I wondered how in the world I had ended up there and how could I ever look Sarah, my wife, in the face again.

I had done exactly what I had accused her of doing, only now I wasn't so sure she had done what I without a doubt had done. Dear God in heaven, what had I done?

What had I done?


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

* * *

**Just wanted to say a quick thanks for all the reviews :) Harry is really the bad boy now isn't he?? LOL Anyway, here is Ch. 21, MUCH longer than the last one and I hope not TOO boring. Keep those superb reviews coming! I love them all!!!**

* * *

_Taylor-_

Swirling the ice absentmindedly around in my glass, I was barely aware of the quiet chatter going on around me. A few times the notes from the piano were able to break through the barrier my mind had created, but it wasn't enough to pull me out of the trance I had been in since I had arrived in New York this afternoon. I had gone from the ship directly to a bar where I was well known and planted myself at the counter and ordered a drink and it was here that I had remained for the last several hours.

It was only an hour ago that I was able to gather up the courage to send a message to one the person I could think of who would be able to give me the advice I needed to escape the mess I had created. Though I knew he would come, a part of me was shocked when I saw him walk through the front door and immodestly catch my gaze.

I remained in my slouched position as he approached,

"Taylor, I got your message. Everything alright?"

I nodded, though it wasn't, "Thanks for coming, George."

He took the seat next to me, setting his hat on the bar. "I must say I'm surprised to see you in New York. I thought you'd be up in Pittsburgh for your brother's wedding."

"It's not for another month." I replied, "Not that my presence matters much anyway."

"So, is there another reason you're here?" he asked curiously.

"I'm visiting friends," I replied as I swirled the ice again. "I've just recently come back from being abroad."

"Really? That's quite the coincidence. Sarah's back, too."

I swallowed thickly and cleared my throat. "Is she?"

"Yes, interesting you two would show up at the same time, wouldn't you say?"

"I suppose," I answered. I was beginning to regret asking George to meet me. Obviously this was not a well thought out plan on my part. But, I was desperate to hear how Sarah was and I had hoped George would tell me without realizing what I was doing.

"Taylor, you can save the innocent act. I know," he said as my expression change to that of disbelief. "Sarah told me everything and no, she doesn't know you're here. I thought it best not to tell her until I talked to you."

I lowered my head and pinched the bridge of my nose. "George, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, just tell me what's going on with you and my sister. What are your intentions?"

I laughed wearily. "I don't have a right to have intentions where she's concerned. I just wanted to know how she was doing. I care about her, more than anyone I've ever known. She's very special."

"You don't have to tell me how special she is," he replied, seriously, "I know how special she is." He then took a deep breath. "As for how she is, she's hurting, confused and torn. Her life has been turned upside down."

"And that's my fault," I said bitterly. "I was so bent on her knowing the truth of Rose and that her husband had lied to her, that I didn't stop and think about how she would be lost in the mix."

"I don't blame you for that, Taylor," George answered much to my surprise. "I would have done the same thing in your shoes. Sarah had a right to know about our cousin."

"Even at the expense of her happiness?"

"Had her husband told her the truth, there wouldn't have been a secret to be revealed. Harry is to blame for her unhappiness as far as I'm concerned."

"And I'm to blame for her confusion."

George stared over at me, his expression was undecipherable. "Sarah didn't tell me anything in particular, but I figured out enough to know that what you two have shared went beyond friendship. She's guilt ridden over her feelings for you and I suspect you're in the same position. This certainly is quite a fix you're in."

"I love her," I said simply.

"You realize how much more difficult that makes it, don't you?"

"Yes," I replied tersely, "but it doesn't change how I feel. I'm in love with her, I want to be with her. She's the only woman I've ever felt this way about."

"She's married," he countered, "To a man who's face I'd love to bash in, but married none the less. She has a child, you cannot expect for this to end pleasantly. She's hurting, you're obviously doing the same and Harry...not that I care at the moment, but I don't expect he's feeling his best at the moment either."

"What do you want me to say, George? Don't you think I've thought this a thousand times in the last few weeks. All I care about is Sarah and all I have done is hurt her."

"Well, I guess you're just going to have to think long and hard about what you're next move is going to be. Sarah is my sister, we're all one another has and I won't let any harm come to her."

"That's why I'm glad she came to you," I told him. "You're the one person she trusts and God knows she needs that right now."

"I agree. I just wish that was enough to solve all of her problems."

"If it makes you feel better, I'm leaving tomorrow for home. I don't want to take the chance Sarah might find I'm here. And George, take care of her, don't let her blame herself for any of this. I couldn't stand it knowing she blamed herself for anything that's happened."

"Of course I won't let her do that. I'm not sure what the best way is to handle this situation though. She can't hide from it forever and neither can you."

I nodded in agreement, "You're right, of course, but I won't make it any worse by pursuing it. If and when Sarah wants me, I'll be here and God help anyone who tries to stand in my way."

He nodded. "Just be careful, all right, for both of your sakes."

I stood and clasped my hand on his shoulder. "Thanks for taking the time to talk to me, George. I don't how this is going to end, but I am grateful that you're there for her and that I can call you a friend. I'll be in touch," I said and stepped away from him. He waved as I strode to the door. I was going home, but I meant what I said. If Sarah wanted or needed me, I would do everything in my power to be there for her and God help anyone who stood in my way.

_Sarah-_

My first week in New York, though marred by the obvious troubles, went by quickly and without incident. I felt better after I had spoken to George about everything that had happened. Though he couldn't share the burden with me, he was at least there to confide in and offer me comfort. His anger towards Harry was strong, but he didn't let that influence the advice he had given me to keep to myself and not let anyone, especially Taylor, persuade any decisions that I may make. His suggestion was to think of only two people; myself and Jonathan.

Though Jonathan didn't seem to need much looking after from me.

Through his sweet disposition and looks alone he had fully taken over my grandfathers house and showed no signs of relinquishing it to anyone. The staff adored him, George couldn't seem to play with him enough, and Grandfather's face shown with new light whenever he was in the room. By our third day there, he had put Mrs. Fitzpatrick to work redecorating and furnishing a room especially for him, stocking it to the brim with clothes, toys and anything else his little heart could have desired.

I kept Kathleen on as his nanny, even though I spent most of my time with him, enjoying his company, and maybe, yes, avoiding the outside world.

Truth be told, I was scared to venture out of the house. After all that had happened before I had left last year, I was sure there was still talk going on, though George assured me no one would dare say anything once they knew what had happened, I convinced him to keep the secret to himself. I wasn't sure how I wanted to handle Rose. I didn't know where she was, how she was, or anything like that, and I regretted not asking Taylor about it when I should have. Looking back on it now though, I couldn't see when I would have had the opportunity to.

I thought of him often, more often than I should have, far more often then I thought of Harry. He haunted me most at night, as I lay in bed waiting for sleep to find me. His image would come to me and I suddenly found myself entangled in the memory of his kisses, the way he looked at me, his words of love and even the night on the ship that I had tried on more than one occasion to forget. My skin would tingle as the haunting recollection of his touch came back to me, and I found myself craving his kisses, the warmth, desire and love that clouded his eyes, and for a brief moment I wished I hadn't stopped him, that I had let us continue down that road, but my better sense always banished the thought and then I would think of Harry. I mourned the life that we had had, no matter how much of a lie I had claimed it had been in my anger. I had loved him and yes, after all that had happened, I still did. Yet, after all that we had put one another through, I couldn't help but wonder if love was going to be enough to bring us back together.

* * *

"Mrs. Lowe?"

Looking up, I saw Mrs. Fitzpatrick standing in the doorway of my room, her hands clasped tightly as she stared at me.

I put down the needlepoint I had been working on, grateful for the interruption, "Yes?"

"You have a visitor downstairs, ma'am."

"I do? Who is it?"

For a moment she paused, her face contorting into a tortured expression.

"Mrs. Fitzpatrick?"

She took a breath, "It's Mrs. Montgomery, ma'am."

I could literally feel my throat knot as she said that.

My grandmother.

Oh, I knew this day would come, I just hadn't expected it to be this soon. How had she even gotten word so quickly that I was here. George hadn't told her, I had begged him not to, but yet, she was and as much as I wanted to tell Mrs. Fitzpatrick to turn her away, I knew I was only putting off the inevitable.

Taking a deep breath, I told Mrs. Fitzpatrick to inform her that I would be down shortly. She left and I quickly went to the mirror, smoothing out the blue print dress I wore and making sure I didn't have a hair out of place. I didn't want to give her any reason to criticize me. I still wore my wedding ring and I turned it to make sure the diamond was visible and directly in the center of my finger.

Almost timidly I made my way down the stairs to the sitting room. Grandfather and George were both out for the day, but feeling like a small child, I wished at least one of them was here to protect me from her.

I took the last step off the staircase and taking a deep breath, gathering up as much bravery as I could, I went to the sitting room, finding her perched on the settee, her hand resting on her parasol, looking as regal and as domineering as any queen.

"Hello Grandmother." I forced.

She turned to me, a smile on her face while she did a quick examination of me with her eyes.

"Darling," she said rising, "How wonderful to see you. Come here and give your Nan a hug."

She had used my pet name for her as child, but I wasn't falling for any tricks. I still remembered quite vividly the way she had treated me and I wasn't about to let it be forgotten. I took a seat across from her in the high backed chair and watched with some victory as she sat back down.

"You are looking well." She complimented.

"Thank you."

"I can see the life of a sailors wife hasn't affected you yet, though you do look like you could use some more sleep. The circles under your eyes speak for themselves."

I took a deep breath, trying my best to ignore her cloaked insult. "I've just had a baby, Grandmother. Most of my nights are spent with him."

This didn't seem to convince her. "That's for the nanny to deal with, not you. Even with a meager salary, I'm sure your husband can afford that for you."

"Why exactly have you come here?" I asked, my anger already begin to rise and I had hardly been in the room for a minute.

"Is it wrong for me to want to see my granddaughter and first great-grandchild? It's a boy, you say? What have you named him?"

"Jonathan."

"After your father." And to my shock, she nodded with approval. "It's a good strong name and with a last name like 'Lowe' he needs a strong name."

"There is nothing wrong with his last name!" I snapped in a hushed voice.

She shook her head at me as if my words foolish, "Sarah, darling, compared to the names you have behind you, Lowe is simple and inconsequential."

"If insulting me is all you came here for than I suggest you leave this instant, because I refuse to sit here and hear another word of it!"

She laughed softly, "Of course I didn't come here to do that. You are my granddaughter after all, and it's been so long since I've seen you. Besides I wasn't insulting you, I was only speaking of that husband of yours. Incidentally, where is he? I thought he would be right here beside you."

"He's…he's not here." I answered, already dreading her response.

"Really?" she nearly sneered, "Hasn't returned from last nights excursion to the nearest pub?"

I closed my eyes, "He didn't join me on this trip." I replied, my teeth gritted in frustration.

"Well, isn't that something."

I didn't answer and turned my head away, not being able to take another second of her eyes on me.

"In fact, I would say that is quite interesting. From what I remember he was quite protective of you, now he's letting you sail halfway across the world to-" she then stopped and out of pure stupidity I turned back to her only to see a look of part discovery, part jubilation on her face. "Have you left him?" she then asked, though I knew she didn't have to.

"Of course not, how dare you suggest such a thing!" I said with all the vehemence I could muster for such a lie, but she didn't look one bit convinced.

"What has he done?" she demanded, "Is it another woman? Has he harmed you? Tell me Sarah."

"I will not tell you anything."

She smiled victoriously, "Darling, you don't need to hide anything from me. Sitting there putting on a brave face while your marriage falls in ruins around you-"

"My marriage is not in ruins."

"Oh, then what would call its state?"

I sighed, I had not been prepared for that question. "Bruised." I said after a moment of silence, "Very bruised."

"As I suspected, another woman."

I wanted to scream at her. To cry until the walls shook that it was not what she making it out to be, but I couldn't. There was truth to her words, an ugly truth that I didn't want to admit to anyone. There was another woman, not in the way she was thinking, but Rose was another woman and the secret she and Harry shared between them was as bad as any affair. Of course I was guilty too, but all she saw was Harry and his mistake and no matter what I said, I didn't think I could turn her away from that.

I turned away from her, unable to accept the defeat. I heard her sigh and she rose and came over to me, placing a soft hand on my shoulder.

"Not to worry, my dear. I'm here for you. Though you defied me to marry this man, I will not turn my back on you. Your well being is what's important and I will see to it that he pays for what he has done."

"No," I turned to her, "Please, don't."

"Sarah, he betrayed you, he needs to be punished."

"I said NO!" I said standing quickly to face her. "This is none of your business and you know it. I'm an adult and I can handle this situation. I'm no longer your orphaned granddaughter who needs protecting. I'm a woman with a child of my own and you will not put your hand in this, do you understand me?"

I could tell from the way she winced that my words had stung her, but she rebounded quickly, as was her nature. "Fine, I'll agree to your request, but I do expect something in return."

"What?" I asked, suspiciously.

"Simply for you to be my granddaughter again. Speak to me the way that you used to. Love me the way you used to and leave your anger behind."

Somehow I expected her to say more than that, though I couldn't think of what exactly it was. I stared at her, trying to decide if she was being sincere and if I should actually give her request a chance. It wasn't a horrible thing for her to want, and the thought of ridding myself of the bad feelings I had for her and starting anew was appealing. I wanted Jonathan to know his family, both mine and Harry's, whatever our outcome and this was my opportunity to do so.

"All right." I agreed.

She beamed, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me into a warm, loving embrace that I silently admitted I had missed. I closed my eyes, my head nestling on her shoulder and prayed that I had made the right decision and that she would keep her promise. Her connections were powerful and shuddered to think what could have happened if I allowed her to 'punish' Harry for what had happened.

I pushed the thoughts aside though, and forced myself to be positive. I _had _done the right thing and somehow everything would right itself…I had to believe that.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

* * *

**Yay!! I was finally able to post (Thank you SOOO much Tipper!!) Hugs to you all for your wonderful reviews and I hope to have the next chapter up within the next day or two :)**

* * *

_Sarah- _

_February 16, 1913 _

"I can't believe you're doing this." George spoke from the doorway of the nursery, "A week ago you would have rather hurled yourself into a snake infested pit than see her and now here you, preparing to go to her house."

I snapped the back of Jonathan's gown, shaking my head at my brother, "George, don't be dramatic." I lifted Jonathan and turned to face my brother, "She wants there to be peace between us, how can I deny her that? Besides, you're going back to school in a few days and Grandfather has his own trip to Virginia planned, I'd be bored and alone if I stayed here."  
Jonathan gurgled, his fingers in his mouth as he watched and listened to us speak and George couldn't help but crack a smile upon seeing that. He took Jonathan from me, cradling him expertly in his arms.

"I still don't think it's a good idea." He turned back to me, "She's my grandmother, and I love her, but I don't trust her. She's spent nearly a year angry at you for what happened and I find it hard to believe she could let that go so easily."

I nodded, understanding his point. I had to admit I had had the same doubts myself, but still I kept myself optimistic. She had seemed too sincere to be lying to me, and I wanted this. I wanted my family to be whole, especially with the state my marriage was in. It was important for both me and Jonathan. That was why when she had asked me to come back to Philadelphia with her, I didn't hesitate to accept. As I just told George, it wasn't going to be for long, just time enough to set our relationship right again.

"It will be fine, George." I assured him.

He said nothing and instead turned his attention back to his nephew.

"George," I reached out and touched his hand tenderly, "Don't be angry with me."

"I'm not. I just think you're making a mistake."

"She's our grandmother," I began to defend, but he shook his head, interrupting me.

"You're putting yourself in a bad situation. Being in Philadelphia will put you closer to Taylor."

I stepped back, somewhat offended. "Are you saying that you don't trust me around him?"

"You were the one who told me you didn't trust yourself around him." He countered, "I'm just trying to protect you and your reputation. Eyebrows are already being raised by the fact that you're here without Harry and you know that. Even Grandfather thinks there's something go on."

"I can't help that. I've been here nearly a month and I have not heard one word from him. I have no idea where he is, who he's with-"I shook my head, "I don't know what he expects me to do. I apologized, I begged him not to leave me and yet he walked out the door with so much hatred and didn't even bother to look behind him."

The subject, not surprisingly, had upset me. I could feel tears coming to my eyes and I turned away from George to rub them away. "I don't know what to do." I said.

"There is one option." He spoke up from behind me.

I turned around quickly, knowing immediately what he was speaking of. "Divorce. No, no, I can't."

"I'm not telling you to, but it is an option, one of the few that you have right now."

I nodded, knowing he was right, but I was reluctant to accept it.

"I didn't mean to upset you." My brother's voice came through, apologetic and caring.

"You told the truth, I can't hold that against you." I said, giving my eyes another wipe.

"I just don't want her to hurt you again."

"That was partially my fault." I admitted, "My behavior was horrible. I'm not saying I deserved what she did, but she did have a right to be angry."

"Maybe." He replied, not hiding his uncertainty, "Just promise me you'll be on alert, all right."

I smiled and nodded, "I promise."

He nodded and then turned back to Jonathan, "Do you mind if I kidnap my nephew for a few hours?"

Still smiling, I shook my head, "No, not at all." I gave the two of them a kiss and watched as George took him down the hallway, disappearing behind a corner. I then went to my room to prepare for my trip.

_Taylor-_

A string quartet's graceful music filled the large ballroom as a few hundred or so of my family members and our friends, along with Cal's fiancée's conversed, over glasses of champagne and brandy. As was my custom at these gatherings, I kept to myself, only talking when needed and never initiating the conversation. I was never much for parties such as these, but thankfully it being for Cal and Sabrina's upcoming nuptials, I was somewhat forgotten.

It still baffled me that a woman like Sabrina and a man like my brother were destined to be tied together until death, but after Cal's behavior and subsequent punishment, he didn't have the variety in women that he was once accustomed and Sabrina, though quite beautiful, was really his only choice.

She came from a distinguished family, but was a mother as well as a widow. My father saw this as a definite answer that she could produce healthy, strong children, while all that Cal saw was that she secondhand, and no where near as good as he deserved. He was marrying her for the money and name, and that was all, but something in the way Sabrina acted told me she thought the same of him.

She was nothing like Rose, or any other woman that Cal had shown any interest in, not even Sarah. She was always in control and saw all others below her; even Cal. Rose had my complete agreement when she said that she couldn't see Cal with a woman like Sabrina.

"Is that my little brother I see hiding in the corner?"

As if he knew I was thinking of him, Cal approached me, his brandy glass gripped in his hand his usual smirk plastered across his face. "Sulking are you?" he asked.

"What's the matter Cal? Has Sabrina put you in a timeout? Perhaps you should head upstairs to the nursery." I quickly countered.

His smirk lessened, but still remained. "What transpires between my fiancée and I is no concern of yours."

"Pity, there goes my favorite hobby." I countered sarcastically

He stiffened and the smirk quickly left his face, "Perhaps another trip abroad is in order for you. God knows you were easier to get along with when you're gallivanting across Europe, burning through your trust fund."

"I couldn't agree with you more."

He took a quick swig from his glass, ignoring my comment. "In fact, Mother was just remarking how out of character it is for you to even be here."

"Have to keep up appearances, don't I?"

A strange smile appeared on his face and he shook his head, "Just what are you up to little brother? What has brought you stateside and don't tell me it's my wedding, we both know you could care less about that."

"Why Cal, I take offense to that, I am your brother after all. Why wouldn't I want to be here?" I replied, my voice overly thick with sarcasm.

"Don't bring family ties into this," he replied dryly, "There is more to it. What is it? A woman perhaps?"

I kept my sarcastic smile and tried to remain calm. The last person who should know about Sarah and myself was Cal and I wasn't about to let him suspect anything.

"If I were you," I rebounded quickly, "The only woman I would be worried about was my fiancée."

His expression immediately turned cold and he glared at me. "My fiancée is a lovely woman and I resent your insinuation." He replied tersely as he threw back the drink in his hand with one firm gulp

"Sorry." I said with a smirk, though I clearly wasn't.

He pushed the glass on the table near him and adjusted his tie, "Just stay out of my way, Taylor and we will have no trouble. I don't know why you're here, but you'd do best to stay clear of me."

"I don't think that will be a problem."

He gave me a final glare before turning and disappearing back into the crowded room. I exhaled deeply. Cal was many things, but stupid wasn't one of them and I knew I had to start being more careful around him. God only knows what he would do if he found out about Sarah and I. Though nothing had happened in months, I knew he was still holding on to that sick obsession for her and I wasn't about to put her in harms way. She was in New York though, a safe distance away and I could only hope that she stayed there, not only to stay clear of Cal, but also to allow me to fulfill my promise of giving her time and space away from me.

_Sarah- _

It was just after dusk when I arrived at my grandmothers, the lights in the old familiar manor were blazing brightly making my arrival seem all the more splendid. I was happy to be back. This was a place I had once considered a home and all the memories and familiarity, warmed and comforted me as I took Jonathan into my arms and exited the car, and made my way through the opened doors, into the foyer.

"It's lovely to see you again, Miss Sarah." James, the butler greeted me and I smiled, thanking him. Kathleen was behind me and I could tell just from the wide look in her eye that she was caught up in the grandeur of the house. I hid a chuckle and turned to see Nan coming down the stairs, dressed quite beautifully in a sage and black satin dress, her ears and wrist dripping with beautiful diamonds.

"Darling, you're late." She exclaimed as she came to a stop in front of me.

"Yes, the train was delayed, I-"

"Oh never mind why, you must hurry; we have a party to go to."

"A party?" What in the world was she talking about? I had spent the whole day in a cramped train car and was in no mood or state for a party.

"Yes, of course, The Hockley's are celebrating Caledon's engagement at the Bellevue-Stratford in town and we have been invited. Now, shoo upstairs, I've taken the liberty of having a gown set out for you on your bed. Ada will help you dress."

She spoke so quickly that the thought that it was a Hockley family function took several moments to register in my mind. There was no way I could go, not just because of Taylor, but also because of Cal. She knew what had happened with him and I couldn't believe that she was even still on speaking terms with the family.

" Nan, I don't think that I should."

"Nonsense." She quickly dismissed, "I know what you're thinking, Darling, and I want you to forget about that. It would be in bad taste to let such a small thing affect our image. Caledon was nearly a part a part of our family and no matter what has happened, family is what matters most. Besides you don't even have to see him if you don't want to, there will be a good number of people there, including Polly. I'm sure you want to see her."

"Yes, I do, but-"

She held her hands up, silencing me. "No, no. Now I want you to go upstairs and dress, kiss your baby good-night and we'll be off."

I opened my mouth to protest once more, but knew it was worthless. There was no way she was going to let me stay home, no matter how hard I fought. I knew my grandmother and she never bowed down without some sort of battle. Besides, she was probably right about my not even having to see Cal, or even Taylor. I did want to see Polly and I'm there would be other acquaintances of mine there. It had been so long since I had been to a party like that and the young girl inside of me was begging to go. The dancing, the food, the people…

Finally, I agreed. Nan beamed at my answer and once again rushed me up the stairs. This time I went and Kathleen followed. I released a heavy sigh when I left her and Jonathan in the nursery, arguing with my self as I made my way to my room, hoping that I wasn't walking into trouble.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty- Three

* * *

**YAY, NEW CHAPTER:) Didn't I say it was going to be quick? lol I hope you all like this, I'm pretty proud of it, but of course I'd love to hear what you have to say too. Hopefully I'll be able to get the next chapter out just as fast.

* * *

**

As the car pulled up to the hotel I found myself nervously tugging on the tip of my glove, kicking myself for doing what I had done. I should have stayed at the house with Jonathan, that was where I belonged. But alas, I had let Nan's persuasion work. George's warning before I had left was now repeating itself loudly in my mind and as much as I tried to reason that Nan was only being Nan, I knew there was more to it than that.

She had never liked Harry and now that we were separated, she was wasting no time in making sure that I never wanted to go back to him. The dress she had set out for me was enough proof of that. A high waisted pink and ivory chiffon gown with a draped crossed over bodice that that glittered with gold beads. It was one of the most elegant things that I had ever worn and after my hair and face had been done I nearly didn't recognize my own reflection.

I swore I wasn't going to let her be in control though. Somehow I would have to steer clear of both Taylor and Cal, however hard that might be.

The driver came to a stop and opened the door for Nan and I. She stepped out first and I followed her inside taking a deep breath with each step. We were led to the ballroom area and gave our shawls to the men at the door. The room was filled with people, but thankfully I saw no sign of either Hockley brother.

"Isn't this lovely?" Nan commented, leading me towards the adjoining room. "Aren't you glad you came?"

"Yes, of course." I lied.

"Hailey, dear, we were beginning to wonder about you."

I looked over to see Victoria Carey, a close friend of Nan's approach us on her husband, Arthur's arm. She immediately took notice of me.

"Sarah, how wonderful to see you," she smiled as she looked me up and down. "It's simply been too long."

"Yes, she's been… abroad." Nan quickly interjected. I glanced over at her, but I didn't say anything to the contrary.

"Really?" Victoria feigned mild curiosity. The conversation then turned to Victoria's grandson, Miles, and his latest trip to Italy and I quickly lost interest. My eyes began to wander around the room, taking in the festivities but I stopped suddenly when I saw a familiar pair of eyes watching me from across the room.

The shock in seeing me was obvious in his wide eyes, and I could feel myself go numb as he continued to stare. I'm not sure how long we stood there staring at one another, but when Nan got my attention I noticed that the Carey's had moved on to another couple, showing me that it had been a good while.

"Is that Taylor Hockley?" she asked suddenly, brightening as she spoke.

I quickly turned to her. "I-I don't know."

"I believe it is. Why don't you go over and say hello?"

"Oh no, I don't think-"

"Come now, Sarah," she replied and took me by the hand. "You're here to have a good time. What better way to have a good time than to be around young people your own age." She then led me straight over to him, smiling widely as we approached. "Why Taylor Hockley, aren't you looking handsome this evening."

Oh and he did, I couldn't deny that. His hair combed back, his dark eyes shining, and his neatly pressed tuxedo only added to it. Just the sight of him brought back the flood of memories that left my heart beating rapidly and my breath erratic.

Taylor, his eyes still on me, thanked my grandmother graciously.

"You remember my granddaughter, Sarah, don't you?"

"Yes, yes I do," He answered with small smile.

"I don't suppose you would mine keeping her company, would you? She's been gone, as you know, and is having a little bit of trouble getting back into our routines. Perhaps a dance would help."

Taylor had barely opened his mouth to answer her, before she smiled brightly and thanked him. "Lovely. You always were a sweet boy. Oh, I do believe that's Neily Vanderbilt over there, I'll just pop over and say hello, excuse me."

And then she was gone, leaving me steaming in my shoes in front of Taylor who looked rather put out himself. I remembered his promise to me on the ship and I knew this compromised it in a rather large way.

Neither one of us seemed to know what to say or do next. Our last moments together on the ship were still fresh in my mind and I could feel my body temperature rise as I remembered the passionate way he had kissed me and how hard it had been to pull myself away. Now, here he was standing before me, as close as I wished he had been all those times I had missed him, and the fact that I was forbidden to show him any sort of feeling made it even harder to endure.

"Would you like to dance?" he finally asked, breaking the silence.

That part of me I had been afraid of, the part that I could never seem to control when he was around, almost eagerly agreed and I found myself taking his arm and being led to the dance floor.

The waltz being played was one I had danced to many times before, but with Taylor I felt like I was floating. I could vaguely remember feeling the same way when we had danced that first time all those years ago, but then I had been so young I hadn't thought it to be anything special.

No, no, I had to fight this. It wasn't right, I knew it wasn't right. I was married...

I kept repeating this over and over again in my mind as we moved fluidly across the dance floor, our hands clasped and Taylor's hand on my waist.

"You look very nice," he told me, but his eyes seemed to say more.

"Thank you," I replied quietly, averting my gaze away from his searching expression. The awkwardness of the situation was evident, and it was obvious he was forcing himself to make small talk so as not to acknowledge it.

We continued to dance, but neither one of us spoke and soon the silence was thick and heavy around us. I avoided his gaze, as I'm sure he was doing with me. This was far too difficult and I found my anger towards Nan growing by the second.

"Why are you here?" he asked, finally breaking the silence.

"What?" I asked, though I wasn't sure why. I had heard him clear as day.

"Why are you at my brother's engagement reception?"

"It wasn't my choice," I answered, "I can assure you of that."

We followed the steps to the music and I found myself being pulled towards him, my ear brushing against his cheek. "Can I assume it was to see me then?" he asked in a whisper.

I quickly recoiled and shook my head. "Taylor, please," I nearly pleaded. The battle raging inside of me was becoming too much and it took all I had to control myself.

"Good God, Sarah. What am I supposed to believe? I assumed you were going to keep your distance from me and here you are and you can't give me a reason as to why."

"To be honest, I don't know. I came to visit my grandmother and suddenly I'm here. As I said it wasn't my choice."

"Don't tell me you didn't know I was going to be here?"

"Of course I knew you would be here. I had every intention of avoiding you if at all possible." I took a breath, realizing how harsh I sounded and found myself apologizing. "Taylor, I'm sorry. I know that you promised to give me my space and I didn't mean to ruin that. My grandmother more or less forced me to come and… and I'm sorry."

"I'm not sorry," he responded in a low tone. "Not sorry at all."

I swallowed hard and turned my gaze away from him. His eyes were warm, yet serious and I longed to be drawn into them, but I couldn't, I just couldn't.

"Sarah," he said my name with so much longing I couldn't help but look back at him.

"Please, don't." I implored him.

"I can't change how I feel over night," he whispered without remorse. "It's still there regardless of what I promised."

"I know," I answered. "But I can't change how I feel about this, either. It's wrong as much as you like to say it isn't."

He shook his head slightly and pulled me closer. "Right or wrong, I can't help but feel like something is working beyond our control. I never imagined you would be in my arms tonight, and yet here you are. How many times does it have to happen before you realize that?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Why oh why did he have to speak to me like that? His words went directly to my heart and the effect they had on me was overwhelming.

"Taylor, I'm married," I said to him for the hundredth time, though not with as much force as I should have.

"A mere technicality. You belong with me, not him," he whispered forcefully beneath his breath.

My eyes snapped to him and I saw the seriousness in his face. I came to a stop on the dance floor, pulling my hand out of his. I wanted to scream at him for speaking so coarsely to me, but rather than draw attention to us, I cast a stern glare at him and turned, walking away as quickly as I could.

I stormed out of the room and tried to find my way through the maze of hallways. I heard footsteps behind me and knew that he was following me.

"Why are you doing this?" I whirled around on him. "Why do you have to keep saying those things to me?"

"Because dammit! I don't know any other way to be. I don't want this anymore than you do, but it's happening. Why can't you see that?"

I sighed, I knew he was right. Something was happening and neither one of us seemed to be able to control it. I exhaled deeply and turned from him. "I do see it, and I can't stop it." I wanted to cry, but somehow I managed to hold back the tears

He stood in the middle of the hallway and released a heavy sigh. "I can't help how I feel. You are who I want, who I want to spend my life with. I tried to make it stop, to force you out of my mind, but you're there haunting me every minute... and now here you are, right in front of me and so beautiful you nearly take my breath away."

The tears I had tried to hold back, now came unbidden to my eyes. His words stirred within me and I turned back to him. "I can't think clearly when you say those things to me. You're not being fair."

He gave me a small smile and stepped closer. "It's how I feel and I can't change it. Before you I was nothing and after you, I was less. You are who I am, who I want to be. It's you whom I love more than my own life."

After hearing that, I couldn't help but let my tears go free. My heart opened up and I realized then and there how much I really did care for him. "Taylor, I… I," I paused, the words on the tip of my tongue.

"I love you, Sarah. It may be wrong, but I do love you," he reached up and cupped my face with his warm hands.

And suddenly, I knew.

I just knew.

"I love you, too," I whispered, finally saying it. I had said those words to a man other than my husband and as hard as I tried, I could feel no guilt it in. I did love him.

He froze for a moment, his face expressing the shock I know he must have felt at my declaration.

I love you, Taylor." I said again and before I could even react, he lowered his mouth onto mine and kissed me passionately, lovingly and with so much emotion I could barely stand. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, giving myself to him completely. He was right, he had always been right. I belonged to him and I knew it now.

It seemed as if the kiss went on forever. I had never felt such sweet ecstasy as I felt standing there in Taylor's arms. It was as if we were two halves brought together and it was wonderful.

Finally, he slowly pulled back. "Sarah, my sweet, beautiful Sarah," he whispered against my mouth as he nipped it lightly.

"What if we're seen?" I asked, but I was quickly becoming lost in the wonder of his kisses and the feel of his touch.

"We're alone," he responded breathily and pulled me even closer so that our bodies were nearly as one.

The next thing I knew, he had maneuvered me to the wall and was pressing his body onto mine, moving his hands over me intimately. The soft feel of my dress against my skin as he moved over me and the feel of his mouth on mine, was almost my undoing.

"I love you, oh God, how I love you," he whispered hotly. I wanted to give in to him, but I knew I couldn't. We were in a hallway and I had my grandmother to think about. What if someone came upon us?

"Taylor, Taylor," I breathed as I pushed at him. "We can't, not now."

He stopped, but did not move from me. I sensed his struggle, but he nodded. "You're right. I... I lost my head for a moment."

"It's all right, I think we both did," I said with a throaty laugh. His eyes shot fire at me and he pulled me in for one more searing kiss. I felt my legs grow weak beneath me, but I managed to hold myself upright. My whole body was pulsating with the feel of what he was doing to me, but I finally found the strength to push at him again, breaking my mouth away from his. "Taylor, we can't."

He stopped again and laid his head against my forehead, breathing heavily. "Okay, yes you're right. We have to stop."

I stepped away from the wall and smoothed out my dress as he looked on. "We should get back before we're missed."

He nodded and then took a deep breath, "Again, you're right."

I began to walk back the way we had come, but his hand came down on my arm softly and pulled me back. His eyes were full of love and he softly pressed his lips to my cheek and whispered a declaration of love in my ear. We both smiled at one another as he pulled away, the outside world as distant as the moon and both of us content to leave it that way for as long as possible. But for now, that was impossible and reluctantly we parted. I allowed Taylor to walk away first and waited until he had disappeared behind the corner before finally going back to the party.

_Taylor-_

Even as I walked away from Sarah my heart was still pounding fast in my chest. Her finally admitting her love for me, followed by the intense moment of affection between us was enough to send me over the edge, but somehow I had managed to gather my wits and, knowing it was for the best, walked away from her.

As soon as I mingled myself back into the crowd, Asher Williams, one of my closer acquaintances, approached me.

"Finally, a normal face," he said as he came to a stop in front of me.

I smiled, trying hard to hide how flustered I was sure I looked. "Not your kind of party?"

"Hardly," he replied as he stopped a waiter and took two glasses of champagne off his tray. He handed me one, as he took a drink of his own.

"Say, isn't that Sarah Wilkes?" he asked, pointing behind me.

Of course I knew it probably was, but I turned anyway just in time to see Sarah walk over to a group of ladies I was sure she knew. She was still glowing from our moment together and it took all my strength not to rush over to her and take her into my arms and continue my loving attention on her.

"I never thought I'd see her here of all places, especially after what happened this afternoon."

Tearing my eyes from Sarah I turned to Asher, my brow raised in question. "Why, what happened today?"

Taking a drink from his glass he indicated Sarah, "You know my father is Hailey Montgomery's lawyer." I didn't but I nodded so he would continue. "She came to him a few days ago asking him to file divorce papers on Sarah's behalf. Apparently her husband had done something unforgivable and Sarah herself was too distraught to do it on her own."

"Sarah asked her to do this?" I asked, shocked.

"That's not the worst of it." He continued, "My father told me he did as she asked, but looking through the paperwork he discovered a slight hiccup."

For the life of me, I couldn't understand why Asher was telling me this, or how he had discovered this in the first place, but I knew far too much now for him not to tell me the whole thing. "And what was that?"

"Well, it seems this chap she's with is really not her husband. It appears, according to my father, they aren't legally wed. How's that for irony?"


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

* * *

It was the first time in my life where I could truly say that I was speechless. Sarah and Harry weren't married? Asher was a man I put my faith in. We had met while I was attending Dartmouth and in all the years I had known him he had never been dishonest with me. Even after I left school, deciding the life of a student wasn't for me, he remained the same. Yet, now I couldn't help but doubt him.

"Are you sure about this, Asher?" I managed to ask, my throat suddenly dry.

He nodded with certainty. "Not something you hear everyday, is it?"

"No," I looked back towards Sarah who was talking and smiling as if she didn't have a care in the world.

"Look at her over there," he nodded towards her. "She's quite the beauty isn't she? Now that she's almost unattached I might throw my hat into the ring," he laughed lightly, but I found myself glaring at him.

"She's not a piece of property up for auction, so watch what you say!" I said in a clipped voice, which caused Asher to look at me as if I had taken leave of myself.

"I didn't mean anything by it," he raised his brow towards me.

I realized I had played my hand and I felt like an idiot for letting my feelings show so clearly. I stopped a waiter and lifted a glass of alcohol before we went on his way.

"Taylor, is there something you're not telling me?" he questioned quietly as I threw back the drink in one gulp.

"Of course not," I lied, but even I knew I didn't sound convincing. I sighed and set the glass aside. Leaning forward, I lowered my voice. "I wish I could tell you but it's… complicated and I'd rather not talk about it here."

Asher's expression was that of sympathy and unbelief. "Taylor, I hope you know what you're doing."

"If I did, would it really matter? I'm in love with her," I said in a matter of fact tone. "I didn't mean for it to happen."

Asher nodded and let his gaze wander over the crowd. "At least that explains why you've been pushing aside every woman that comes near you, why you've suddenly stopped attending parties."

"It wasn't something I was expecting to happen, it just… did," I explained seeking out Sarah again. She smiled at me and I tried to smile back. I was certain then that she didn't know about her current situation.

I turned back to Asher, stepping closer as I did. "Asher, I consider you a friend and I'm going to ask you as a friend to keep what you've told me to yourself. I don't want Sarah's name drug through the mud. Can I trust you?"

"You don't have to ask me twice." he replied and then gave me a pat on the shoulder. "In fact, to seal the deal, I think I'll go ask Miss Brody for a dance...as long as that's alright with you." He was trying to lighten the moment, and under any other circumstances I would have found the humor, but right now just wasn't the time. I gave him a slight nod and he responded with the same and began to make his way over to Allison Brody on the other side of the room.

I took another drink from my glass and noticed that Sarah was staring at me from across the room. Her eyes were soft and I knew she could tell that something was amiss, but I didn't even know where to begin on telling her. Yet again it seemed that I had found myself in the awkward position of "to tell or not to tell" and I didn't like, not at all.

_Sarah-_

As badly as I wanted to, I unfortunately wasn't able to find another moment where I could be alone with Taylor that evening. As Nan had said, Polly was there and as soon as we found one another it was impossible to pull apart.

The last I saw of Taylor was shortly after we had rejoined the party and he had been speaking to Asher Williams, who I knew only because his father was Nan's lawyer and had been for many years. He had seemed upset and possibly even a bit confused as they spoke, but with Polly and the other group of ladies I had been conversing with barely giving me a chance to breathe between words there was no way I could make my way over to him.

He disappeared not long after Asher had left and the end of the party seem to come quickly after that and I soon found myself being whisked out of the hotel by Nan and into the car that was waiting for us.

"Did you enjoy yourself, Darling?" she asked after the doors had shut.

"I did, yes." I said, managing to sound as if I had, and not anything more.

She smiled with satisfaction at my answer. "I knew that would be just the thing to lift your spirits. I'm sure that dance with Mr. Hockley was quite lovely in itself." The look of fulfillment on her face had faded into a mysterious look, as if we shared secret that no one else knew of.

"Pardon me?"

"Oh Sarah, you needn't play games with your Nan. It was quite easy to see that with my encouragement you both became quite taken with one another this evening."

Controlling the breath that wanted to choke in my throat, I shook my head at Nan, smiling at what I assumed was wishful thinking on her part. "I would hardly call it that, Nan."

She smiled as if my words were simple and gibberish to her, "Dear Sarah, though I didn't mean to spy, I did see that sweet kiss you gave one another in the corridor right before you returned to the party."

I nearly keeled over from a mixture of embarrassment and being discovered. The approval on her face told me that in her mind she had created and set this plan into motion all on her own and that Taylor and I were just pawns and I was filled with anger.

"You were spying on me?" I exclaimed.

"Darling, don't be upset, I know I'm not. Taylor is a fine boy and there is nothing wrong with a few stolen kisses here and there, is there?" she replied revealing just how hypocritical she really was. "Having you two marry was always a plan of mine. If Rose hadn't been taken from us, she and Cal and you and Taylor could have brought two of the most powerful family's in Pennsylvania together. There's still a chance for that to happen now. And the added fact that you and Taylor seem quite smitten with one another-"

"Nan, stop this!" I interjected in a voice as strong as iron. Harry was back in my thoughts now, and even though I had just admitted my love for Taylor, I thrust my husband directly into the conversation. "I'm married, have you forgotten that? You should be berating, not praising me for my actions!"

"That fact is not as consequential as you like to think it is, my dear."

I shook my head, both angry and annoyed now. She wasn't even making sense anymore.

"What are you talking about?"

"Darling," she put her hand on top of mine, "This wasn't the place I wanted to tell you, but I suppose it's as good a place as any. However, I since I don't want to shock you I am going to be as delicate as possible.

I stared over at her in dismayed silence. What could she be talking about?

"Sarah," she started and gripped my hand. "Yesterday my attorney contacted me over a matter I had questioned him about and it seems what he discovered has changed everything. It will come as quite a shock to you my dear, but you must hear it, you simply must listen to what I am trying to tell you."

"You and Mr. Lowe are not legally wed, Sarah. You were only seventeen at the time and I was still your legal guardian and therefore being such, did not, nor would I have, given my consent to the union."

I felt the blood drain from my face and my body went numb. I stared dumbly at my grandmother as if she had suddenly appeared before me.

She patted my hand comfortingly and sighed. "I know this is a shock to you, as it was to me, but it is true, Sarah. You are not married to that seaman after all."

"No," I breathed and jerked my hand back. "That's not true! We were married, we had witnesses who were there. The chaplain married us!"

"Yes, dear but what I'm saying is that the marriage was not legally binding and therefore is not recognized as a true legal union."

Still, I shook my head in denial. She was trying to hurt me, she was still angry that I had married Harry and now she was exacting her revenge. That had to be it, what she had said couldn't be true.

"But, that can't be," I covered my mouth in an effort to keep from screaming. "I can't believe that. Nan, tell me this is not true."

"I can only tell you the truth, and what I have told you is that. You may speak with my attorney if you chose, but he will only confirm what I have already said."

With a jolt of desperation, I grabbed her hand. "Nan, please stop! Do you know what you're saying to me? Don't you understand at all? I was pregnant when I married Harry! If what you are saying is true than my baby is illegitimate... my Jonathan," tears welled up in my eyes.

"Yes, I have thought of that," she said without any reaction to my tears. "I have already taken that into consideration and I have a plan, but you must be willing to hear me out."

What?" I asked, horrified that she was taking this whole situation so calmly. My life was falling apart and she was already devising a plan? "No," I said with a shake of my head, "I don't want to hear anything you have to say!"

"But you will if you want to keep the reputation of you and your child in tact," she answered firmly. "You must marry Taylor Hockley and he will be father to your child. Once that seaman is taken care of, for all intents and purposes, Taylor will Jonathan's father. It's a simple matter if put in the right hands."

"I won't hear anymore of this!" I turned away from her and covered my ears.

"Listen to me and listen to me well, Sarah." She said, the volume of her voice increasing, "Your life has been handed back to you and you have the chance to correct that horrible decision you made to marry that seaman who was not worthy of you in the first place. I know you have feelings for Taylor and he for you. You must take advantage of this propitious situation before Jonathan becomes any older.

"But I can't! Harry is his father!" I hissed.

"And it is very unfortunate for the boy, but you can right this wrong, Sarah. You must do as I say for the sake of your son as well as yourself," she straightened, "If not, I will be forced to take matters into my own hands."

Stunned, I turned to her, "What do you mean by that?"

"Do not ask me to go further." She said, quickly brushing away my question, "Just listen to me and do what you know is right. If you love your son as you say you do then give him the chance at a life with a father he can be proud of. Give him a life where he'll have the entire world at his fingertips and want for nothing."

Her words stung me at my very core and I wanted to yell at her for saying such an insensitive thing, but instead I sat there staring at her in a stony silence until I could take no more and turned away to the window, my hand gripping the door handle as one would cling to a life raft.. I closed my eyes, afraid of facing what I had been told. Harry not my husband? It didn't seem real... it had to be a nightmare. And then I thought of Taylor and the pain was more than I could bear. I did love him but could I turn my back on Harry when our child was in jeopardy of being labeled a bastard?

Tears slid freely down my face as the weight of the decisions I had to make bore down on me harder than before. I thought of Harry, Taylor, but most of all I thought of Jonathan. He was the innocent in all this and I had to do all I could to protect him.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five

_Taylor-_

The crisp March air had an immediate soothing effect as I stepped out on my hotel balcony. I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my overcoat searching for my cigarette case and lighter. The events of the evening had left me with a headache so severe it was near torture. It was surprising that hearing the woman I loved was now free to be mine, should have thrilled me, but the ache in my temples proved otherwise. All I could think of was the pain and confusion she was going to feel upon hearing the news. It did nothing to know that every kiss we had shared, every embrace that had driven me mad with desire, was no longer as wrong as it had earlier been thought. Asher was correct; loving her had certainly changed me.

I was out there for quite sometime, going over the news again and again in my mind, before I finally managed to numb myself of it all together. It was no solution, but its temporary effect was welcomed. Satisfied, I turned to go inside, but was met with the glass door opening and my brother coming through.

"Well, this evening just gets better and better." He drawled as he stepped out and let the door shut behind him, blocking any exit I may have had. "One never does know what they may come upon unexpectedly."

I did not want to deal with his antics, especially this evening. "Spare me your enigmatic words, Cal. I am in no mood to put you in place this evening." I responded, letting my irritation play front and center.

He smiled, " I see your consumption of alcohol has done nothing to improve your disposition. Perhaps another drink will do the trick." He suggested with a sardonic smile.

"What a superb idea." I responded dryly and pushed my way past him, into my room where I headed for the bar, pouring myself a glass of the first decanter I could find. I drown the glass and poured myself another. "Don't you have other duties that need tending to?

I heard him strike a match and the tinge of cigarette smoke soon filled the air. "My, my, but we're a bit on the prickly side tonight, aren't we?" he said behind me. "I hope nothing unforeseen happened to cause this stream of unsavory behavior."

"You're suddenly and uncharacteristically concerned for my welfare." I observed, making sure he could hear the annoyance in my voice.

"Am I not entitled to be concerned for my brothers well-being?" he raised an eyebrow in question.

"Save it Cal, you obviously want say something so why don't you just say it. These games of yours are not amusing in the least."

"Games? How ironic that you mention games when it appears that you're playing a very dangerous one."

I froze. The glass clenched tightly in my hand, I gulped, feeling my stomach twist. I refused to turn towards him, but I could still the look of satisfaction spread across his face at my reaction.

"Indeed," he continued, "I wonder what Mother and Father would think of the 'game' I witnessed you playing earlier. Really, Taylor, have you no shame at all?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Came my reply. It was obvious that he and seen Sarah and I, but no other answer seemed to come to mind.

"Then let me refresh your memory," he smirked as he approached me from the side. He lowered both his head and his voice to me. "It was in the south hall, on the way to my own suite of rooms. I was merely going there to refresh myself when what should I see but a man and woman, tied in a lovers embrace…" his tone changed and I could feel him move even closer to me, "It was all very touching, very emotional…I must say I was moved, moved to make my presence known."

I let a low curse escape under my breath. My entire body clenched with anger and I wanted nothing more than to turn around and make him forget all that he had seen, but I found myself still unable to move.

"Imagine my surprise when I saw who it was. I was shocked of course, but then what else could I be? I see my brother with another man's wife, a woman with a child no less. A scandal like that would certainly bring enumerable shame upon her... wouldn't you agree?"

My head snapped to him, "You don't know what you saw!" I snapped. Sarah's reputation suddenly hanging in front of me, I had found my back bone.

Oh, but I do know what I saw," he replied with smooth confidence. "And, it was quite the show, I must say."

Suddenly his collar was tight in my fist and with my anger fueling me I pushed him against the nearest wall, determined to wipe the smug look from his face. "You breathe a word of this to anyone and I can guarantee you it will be your last."

His eyes widened in shock but they quickly turned to anger. He tried to jerk from me, but my hold on him was tight. "Don't you threaten me," he growled. "You had no right to be there and we both know that!" I hissed back through clenched teeth. The intense ire I felt forced my grip on him to strengthen and I watched him wince, but refuse to back down.

"I had every right! I saw you, I saw her clinging to you and it made me sick!"

"Jealousy is an ugly thing, Cal."

"Jealous…I'm not jealous." A malicious smile formed on his lips. "She wanted me, and what did she do when she couldn't have me…she settled for second best."

In a mixture of disbelief and annoyance, I released my hold on him, shaking my head incredulously at him. "Have you become so blind that you've started to believe your own lies?"

Moving his head from left to right, he released the tension my grip had created and adjusted his tie. "It's no lie. She knows your history and knew finding her way into your bed wouldn't be a challenge. Sluts like her generally think that way."

I felt cold fury ripple through me as I faced him. "Don't you DARE speak about her that way! I will kill you myself and take pleasure in doing so!"

"How quaint," he smirked, not seemingly touched by my threat. "Don't waste your energy defending her, little brother. She's not worth it and she never has been."

"Cal, so help me..." I snarled and gripped my fists, barely managing to hold myself under control

"This has become quite tiresome, actually," he drawled in the face of my anger. "You know, if you're going to smudge the family name, you really could have chosen a different way than consorting with someone of her less than stellar character... but then again, perhaps you did chose correctly. After all, did she not bed that sailor before their marriage?"

"If you say one more word..." I stepped up and faced him grittily. "I will forget that we are brothers and you will regret every word you have said."

"I already have," he sighed as if bored beyond words. "You realize the stupidity of the situation you have put yourself in. An affair with a married woman, especially a woman like Sarah, will get you only trouble from Father. Do what you have to do and rid yourself of her and, take my advice, move on to the next wanton female who peaks your interest."

Luckily for him he chose that moment to make his exit. My blood was boiling and I was ready to do just as I had promised to him, but as the minutes of silence followed I began to calm and fell into a nearby chair and let the fact that he knew of Sarah and I, finally sink in. I bowed my head, running my hands through my hair, knowing trouble was ahead. A night that had begun so well, was now ruined and I honestly had no idea what my next move would be.

* * *

_Harry-_

Lights' fingers drummed silently on the surface as the table as he took in the story I had just told him.

I had shown up on his doorstep nearly an hour before after returning to Liverpool, finding Sarah and Jonathan gone and my home cold and empty. In all honesty, I hadn't been surprised to find that she was gone, but still a part of me hoped that even after I had been gone all these weeks that she would be there and we would be able to work through what had happened.

Unfortunately that wasn't the case and without anywhere else to go I found myself at Lights' looking for answers on her whereabouts and an ear to listen to my regrets. It was well after midnight when I arrived, but that hadn't stopped him from opening his door to me and taking me into the kitchen for a strong cup of tea.

"I'm afraid you've gotten yourself into quite a mess here, Harry. Sarah's gone, and has been gone for some time and you've…well you know what you've done."

I nodded, agreeing with his observation. My night all those weeks ago with that other woman had managed to make me realize how stupid I had been and how my actions had all together made the situation worse. I now believed what Sarah had told me, though it didn't make things any better. Hockley was still on her mind and possibly even her heart and there was nothing I could say or do to change that, but she hadn't been unfaithful to me. Now she was thousands of miles away, and how ever I much I longed to speak with her, I was unable to. I missed her and my son and wanted nothing more than to be with them, but my guilt over what I had said and done was holding me back.

"You need to go to her, Harry. This situation isn't going to right itself and you're daft if you're thinking that it will."

I shook my head, staring down into my cup. "I can't face her, not now anyway."

"Do you want to lose her? Your marriage is crumbling, my friend. She may have started it, but you didn't help it by leaving her and telling her that you never wanted to see her again. This is serious, Harry. I've tried to keep my own personal opinions out of this, but Taylor isn't a bad bloke. He did something wrong, yes and wronged you and your wife in the process, but I can't believe he did it intentionally to hurt you and I can't believe that Sarah did either." He sighed, running an aggravated hand through his hair. "I just can't believe you'd let it go this easily."

"Did not hear what I just told you? I committed adultery! With a woman I didn't even know for that matter! What kind of man does that make me?"

"One who made a mistake, that's what kind, but you'll be a worse one if you stay here, letting fear keep from making this right."

"She's better off being with her family right now." I replied, my voice full of self pity.

"Being with a grandmother who despises you? Yes, that's the perfect place for her to be and your son. Left in that environment I can only imagine how he'll grow up to see you."

I took a deep breath. He was right, as much as I hated to admit it everything he was saying was true and I deserved to hear it. Still even after he brought up my son I couldn't bring myself to want to go to her. I couldn't bear to think of how she would handle the news of what I had done, or if she altogether rejected me.

"No, I can't."

He shook his head at me, disappointment written on his face. "You're digging your own grave, you know."

"I can't face her, not now."

"For your sake I hope you find your way there soon. Left alone this problem is only going to grow."

I released a deep sigh, and actually found myself pondering his advice. I didn't want to admit that he was right, but we both knew he was. No matter my fears of going to her, my marriage was surely over if I didn't. My egotistical decisions were getting me no where and the longer I held onto them the harder it would be to make things right again.

There was also Jonathan to think of as well. It had been over a month since I had seen him and I could only speculate how much he had changed in that amount of time. He was three months old now and as his father, I should have been there to see the everyday changes he was going through, but I had let my idiocy cloud my judgment.

"From the look on your face, I'd say you're beginning to realize how foolish you've been acting."

I rose from the table and gave him a defeated nod, "What can I say, your words of wisdom have once again convinced me."

A faint smile appeared on his face, "Good to hear, old man. So what have you decided?"

"Do you know when the next ship leaves for New York?"


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

* * *

**WOO HOO! NEW CHAPTER!! Thanks for all your reviews and I promise the next chapter will be up VERY SOON!**

**MUCH LOVE and keep those lovely reviews coming!**

_

* * *

_

_-Harry_

I entered the dark house and searched with small pats of my hand for the lamp I knew to be on the front hall table. Finding it, I pulled the chain and flooded the empty house in a warm glow. I glanced around and immediately felt the loneliness around me. It nearly engulfed me, but I was resigned to not let that happen. This was my home, our home and it would be again if my plan worked the way I wanted it to.

As I removed my coat and hat, I noticed the pile of unopened mail that had scattered on the floor in the absence of Sarah and Mrs. Crewe. I reached down and gathered the pile in my hands and went into the sitting room. I turned on another lamp which revealed the room to be in perfect condition, but for the hint of dust from lack of use in the weeks that I now knew Sarah had been gone.

I put myself to work starting a fire to warm the room.

My conversation with Lights and my decision to finally put aside my fears and go after my wife, had brought my spirits up higher than they had been since before the fight. I lifted the slip of paper from my pocket with the information he had given me on the next voyage to New York and put it to memory. It was a week away yet, but I had a determination now to forget all of the bad that had transpired between Sarah and myself and make it right. Hockley, Rose, and the barmaid were pushed out of my mind and I put my focus on my wife and son. I had every intention on crawling back to her on my hands and knees, promising and vowing to never mislead her again. I would proclaim my love to her over and over again and promise to prove it to her every day for the rest of our lives.

A warm fire now blazed before me in the hearth and I sat back on my knees admiring my handiwork before rising and fetching the pile of envelopes. Shuffling through them, there was a letter from my aunt, another four from my parents, two for Sarah from Polly and then I came to the last, postmarked from New York City. There was no return address, but it was addressed to me. One quick look at the envelope I saw that it had been forwarded from the White Star Line office and curiosity getting the better of me; I opened it and immediately wished that I hadn't.

_Mr. Lowe,_

_Harry…as troubling as it may be to receive this letter from me, especially since I have failed to contact you until now; I felt that I must tell you that our secret is no longer a secret. Though the person who knows has promised not to reveal the truth to anyone, I still felt compelled to tell you. He is Cal's brother and he has given me his word that he will not tell a soul about finding me…_

I stopped there. For confirmation my eyes drifted to the bottom of the page and I saw Rose's signature in elegant lettering. The letter was dated a week before Taylor Hockley had arrived here and obviously gone against his word. It was almost as if Rose knew he would do it, and the letter in my hand was a warning.

I released a sigh and put the letter aside.

It would do me no good to think of what might have happened if the posts' timing had been better and I had received the letter sooner, but I couldn't help but think it would have been better if I had received it before his untimely arrival. Sarah would have learned the truth on my terms, not his and she wouldn't have left me…

No, no, that wasn't right, I stopped myself. I had to face the knowledge that I probably would have never told her the truth about Rose, for I was too ashamed and as time went on it would have gotten harder and harder to deal with if it had been revealed.

Her leaving had been just and I knew that now. I told her our marriage was over. I was angry and unrelenting toward her. What choice did she have but to go back to her family? I couldn't say I wouldn't have the done the same thing if I had been in her shoes. After what I had said and the way I had acted, I deserved to not have her here. But, I was going to do everything in my power to make it up to her.

* * *

_Sarah-_

The sheets were soft and warm against my skin; the soft patter of a passing rainstorm tapped against the windows, and all around me the house was at peace. The atmosphere was perfect for a peaceful slumber, but I just couldn't seem to fall into the rhythm. Tried as I might, sleep and I hadn't found one another, and as the minute hand of my clocked tick towards the third hour of trying, I had lost hope.

Kicking the sheets and quilt off of my tense body, I sat up in the bed and reached for the lamp. Switching it on, the room filled with light and I squinted against it, whilst reaching for my robe that had been flung across the foot of my bed. Slipping it on over my thin nightgown, I crossed the room and went to my door, letting myself out into the dark hallway.

A quick glance into the nursery showed me my son, fast asleep in his cradle with Kathleen's adjoining door opened slightly to hear him if he awoke. As I shut the door, I pushed away the slight yearning I had that he would be awake and in need of me. It would have been the distraction I wanted. Though I knew it wouldn't have lasted, a slight curb on my troubles would have been welcomed. Instead, as I walked down the stairs, tying the belt of my robe tighter around the middle, the revelation Nan had ever so graciously informed me of earlier that evening pushed itself to the front of my mind.

I made it into the parlor and sunk into the soft cushions of the sofa, sighing as I began to visualize all of the trouble the news was going to cost. Nan hadn't wasted a moment in making sure her entire household was not to refer to me as Mrs. Lowe and that I would herby be known as Miss Wilkes once more. I was too distraught to argue. I felt betrayed, but did not know where to place the blame. It wasn't Harry's fault, it certainly wasn't Taylor's, and as angry as I was with her, I couldn't place the guilt on Nan either. Aunt Isabelle, even with her mad reasoning, had done the right thing in wanting Harry and I to marry. It was obvious now that she hadn't considered everything when she had come to the conclusion. So with good reason, I placed part of the blame on her, her and lack of good decision making…though I wasn't entirely innocent.

As much as I loved my son, I knew I could have spared myself all of this trouble if I had acted with more maturity. Growing up the way I had, I knew what my destiny in this world was, but when my eyes first found themselves set on that handsome man in the small Southampton shop the day before the Titanic sailed, I suddenly and selfishly wished for more. That compounded by the sight of Rose being forced to marry a man she didn't like, let alone love, I was scared and my innocent infatuation with Harry blossomed into a feeling I had never known before. I knew if I were with him, he would save me from Rose's fate.

I now knew I wouldn't have suffered the way she had. Not if Nan's plan had worked, which I had no doubt that it would have. This year, or perhaps next year even, I would have become Taylor's wife and our families would be doubly united just as Nan had wanted. Rose with Cal, and myself with Taylor. She would have been miserable and I believe I would have been quite the opposite. Even with Rose faking her death and Cal preparing to marry another, Nan's wish for Taylor and I could have still come true, but much to chagrin I had married another. And from the moment she had figured out there was trouble with Harry and I she had made it her mission to finally bring Taylor and I together. She didn't know that he loved me, that I loved him, she didn't know what had happened between us, all she saw was the possible joing of our two family's and that was all that mattered.

_Oh God, how was I ever going to explain this?_

My anger towards Harry had long since become more of a slight irritation. The issue of Rose had sat too long in my mind for me to stay infuriated, but I was still hurt. He had left me, insulted me, even after I told him I was willing to try to make it work and I had no way of contacting him to inform him of this matter.

I shook my head, already feeling the exhaustion of the problem begin to set in and my eye caught a silver framed photograph on the mantle. I rose and went to it.

My eight year old self stared at me, a slight smile on my young face. Next to me sat a nine year old Rose. We were dressed the same, in lace net and silk dresses, wide brimmed hats, our little hands clasped together as we looked at the camera. Even a perfect stranger could see the closeness between us and it had been strong. That was my assumption, at least. Apparently, I thought as I set the picture back down, I was wrong.

Rose's betrayal was just another distraction in my already tumbled life. I had not given myself to really stop and think about what her actions had done to all of our lives. How could she be so selfish? How could she have made such a life-altering decision and not tell me... me, who loved her as strongly and as dearly as if she were my own sister? I trusted her above anyone, there was no one in whom I believed in more and yet, when the time came she betrayed that trust in choosing to allow me to think her dead. I grieved for her, missed her, felt indescribable guilt and all the while she had been living in New York, safe, well and alive.

And, then it dawned on me that it was because of her lies and deception that my life began to unravel right before my very eyes. Harry had only been trying to protect me, I knew that now. But, it was because of her lies that I turned from my husband and to another man.

My husband... no, that wasn't true any longer. Harry was not my husband and never had been. But, had I have known about Rose's deception, perhaps I wouldn't have felt so desperate at the time I married Harry.

I remember how scared I was, how alone I felt when it seemed everyone I loved had gone away. Rose was dead, or so I thought. Harry was gone, even Nan betrayed me when she banned me to Russia with Aunt Isobel. I had even tried to commit suicide as Rose had, until Harry found me and stopped me.

Anger surged through me as I thought of it all. I would have married Harry when I learned I was pregnant, but once again, because of Rose's lies, my so called marriage was built upon nothing but lies in spite of the joy surrounding us. It was only a matter of time before it fell apart and that's exactly what had happened. When I discovered Harry's betrayal, everything I had put my trust in was gone and it started by Rose's selfish decision to keep the truth from me.

I stared down at the photograph and picked it up once again. I gripped it hard, looking down on the two of us. Before I realized what I was even going to do, I flung the frame across the room into the far wall, shattering it into tiny pieces. Bitterness, hot and vile rose in my throat. I had to get out of this house; I had to get away from the feeling of betrayal all around me, if only for a little while. The room was closing in on me even as I stood there. There was only place I wanted to be, only one place where I felt completely safe and loved... in Taylor's arms. I needed him so very much in that moment, to comfort me, to hold me and to reassure me. He was the only person who had never lied to me, or betrayed me for any reason. He had always been there for me, always strong and true and that was what I need now, more than anything.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

_Taylor-_

After the earlier, vile, encounter I had had with Cal, I was unable to disregard the sudden need I had to get the hell out of my room and as far away from him as possible. I fled without a thought to my coat or hat and headed downstairs determined to rid myself of the fury my brother had inflicted upon me. Unfortunately, the weather and I did not seem to be in agreement and halfway down the street I found myself in a sudden down pour. Angry, incensed and now soaking wet, I made my way back to the hotel and up to my room.

Once there, I removed the wet clothes that had now become cold and were clinging to my skin and called room service. I ordered a pot of coffee to both clear my head and banish the chill I could feel approaching. Casting the clothes in a pile on the bathroom floor, I slipped into my robe and grabbed a towel for my hair. Rubbing it vigorously, I heard a knock at the door from the attendant bringing my coffee.

That was fast," I muttered as I looped the towel around my neck. I crossed the room and opened the door. "I didn't expect-"... I stopped suddenly, my words trailing off.

Sarah stared back at me, her blond hair as wet as my own, her coat dripping around her feet, which were only clad in thin slippers. She looked chilled and yet the look on her face was anything but. It appeared she had been crying, but I couldn't be certain because of the overall wetness that covered her.

"Sarah, what in God's name are you doing here?" I asked, finally finding my voice.

"I, I don't know," she answered hoarsely. "I only know I had to see you. I know I must look a fright, but I just couldn't stay in that house any longer."

"Come inside, you're soaking wet," I took her hand and pulled her in the room. When I closed the door, I saw her tremble and I led her over to the sofa. "What's happened? Is it your grandmother or Jonathan?" I asked after we had set down.

She took a breath, clearly holding back a bout of tears that I knew wanted to break free, and wiped her face. "No, nothing like that. I don't even know where to start. It's come at me so fast. I'm still trying to make sense of it."

I felt my turmoil rise within me for I knew then what she was most likely upset about. I struggled with what to say, or if I should say anything at all. I took her hand, feeling the chill of her skin. "Make sense of what?" I asked, hoping to find an opening to tell her that I knew the truth about her and Harry.

She turned to me, her eyes showing all the hurt and confusion she was feeling. "I don't know how or why really, but apparently I'm not legally married to Harry after all," she said. "Nan found out and told me tonight."

I nodded, "I know."

Her eyes widened at my confession. "You know and you didn't tell me?" she whispered and I gripped her hand tighter.

"I only found out tonight myself, but I was going to tell you as soon as I had the chance."

"But how?" she questioned clearly confused.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter how, the fact is I do know and I was going to tell you the minute I saw you again. I see your grandmother wasted no time in making sure you found out, however."

She gave a scathing laugh and looked away from me. "Yes, she could hardly contain her glee in telling me. It was despicable the way she carried on about it."

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "I'm sorry you've had to go through so much pain."

"What am I going to do?" she turned back to me. "I've ruined my son's life. He has no chance now...and I...God, I just don't know what to do," her voice broke for a moment. She lowered her head and cupped it in her hands as I reached over to her and wrapped my arms around her.

"You've obviously had quite a shock, not to mention the fact that you're sitting here in wet clothes and getting colder by the minute. I want you to go into the bath and change into the other robe there. You won't help anything by getting sick. After that, we'll talk about what happened."

She seemed to welcome the order I had given her. I supposed it was something concrete in her otherwise mixed up mind. She allowed me to pull her to her feet and she disappeared within the confinement of the room. Moments later, she came out of the bath wrapped in an oversized robe with her wet clothes in hand. She seemed self conscious standing before me and I, not wanting to jeopardize the trust she was placing in me, averted my eyes from her. When the tap at the door sounded again, she turned to me in panic.

"Don't worry," I held my hand out to avert her fears. "I had coffee ordered, which is exactly what you need right now." I went to the door, taking the tray from the attendant and brought it back into the room. As I poured her a cup, she sat back down on the sofa, pushing her wet hair behind her ears.

"Here drink this." I said handing it to her. She took it and gratefully took a sip. "Thank you." She replied quietly. She looked around the room and then at me

with a sad, haunted look. "I've really made a mess of things, haven't I? I kept telling myself earlier that none of this would have happened if I just behaved the way I was supposed to."

I felt the sting of her words and nodded in response. "Funny, I told myself the very same thing."

"What do you mean?" she asked frowning.

I settled back on the sofa and sighed. "I certainly could have chosen my actions more carefully where you were concerned. You were married, or so we thought and yet I... I couldn't let you go. I wanted you, I still do but that doesn't mean I should have crossed the line with you. I've only added to your problems, I'm afraid."

"No, you were the only one honest with me. I am grateful to you for that," she said returning the cup to the saucer and put it aside. I watched as she took a deep breath. But as she exhaled I noticed that the tears had once again begun to well up in her eyes. Seeing that I had noticed, she gave up her brave facade and came to me, burying her face into my shoulder as she let the dam break open.

"Oh God," she sniffed tearfully, holding on to me tightly. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel so lost."

I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close to me. "Shh," I comforted her. "You're not lost and you're not alone, not while I'm here."

"You don't understand. Everyone I've ever trusted me has betrayed me. Nan, Harry... Rose," she cried hoarsely. "Why did she let me believe she was dead, Taylor? Why would she do that?"

I flinched at her hurt filled words. I cursed the situation and held her closer. "She had her reasons and none of them were meant to hurt you. She had to make a difficult choice and in doing so, she had to cut herself away from her life as it was."

She pulled back, shaking her head fervently. "I could have been there for her, despite that. She didn't even give me the opportunity. If anyone could have understood it would have been me."

"She knows that," I told her calmly. "Her one regret was you, but she did what she had to do... you know that, don't you? If you think about her life at the time, you know that."

"You're defending her?"

"No, but neither can I completely blame her for what she chose to do. Being tied to my brother the rest of her life wasn't exactly the life she envisioned for herself. She would have been miserable in so many ways."

"I realize that, but I just miss her so much and now I don't have any idea if I'll ever see her again. If she would have only told me I would have kept her secret. I wouldn't have told anyone."

"I have no doubt of that and I'm sure you will see her again one day when it's safe for her," I answered pulling her close to me. I kissed her forehead and softly caressed her cheek, wiping away a lone tear. She settled back into the embrace I offered and took a calming breath.

"I just wish it could have been different...all of it."

I could feel her warm breath on my skin where my own robe parted on my chest. I was suddenly and completely aware of the state of dress, or rather undress, that we were both in. I swallowed deeply and forced my thoughts elsewhere. Sarah needed my comfort right now and I wasn't going to in any way take advantage of the situation.

"Taylor," she whispered my name. "What am I going to do now? I feel like I have nothing to hold on to, nothing but my son and..." her voice trailed off.

"And what?" I asked softly.

"And you," she answered and looked up at me. "You're the only thing in my life that makes sense anymore."

"I'll always be here for you," I said firmly and I meant it. "I'll always be right here, no matter what."

She smiled slightly and reached up to cup my cheek. At her touch, I nearly lost my breath but I resolved to stay true to my promise. I would not take advantage of her in her current state. I moved to kiss the palm of her hand and I took another deep breath. "Perhaps I should go dress."

"Please don't," she breathed. "Please don't leave me alone, I don't think I could stand it."

"I'll only be a moment," I replied, but she shook her head. "Don't leave me."

Bracing myself, I looked tersely at her. "I don't think it's wise to continue sitting here like this… the way we are, I mean. I don't want to do anything to further upset you."

"I need you, Taylor," she said unexpectedly. "I need you to hold me, to love me so that I know I have one thing in my life that is real."

I closed my eyes trying gain control of my quickly growing out of control emotions. "I do love you, Sarah, more than you could possibly know, but this is not wise. I'm only human and I do have my limits."

She moved closer and looked at me longingly. "Don't you understand? I need you, Taylor. I need you so much, it hurts."

"Sarah," I started but she placed her finger softly on my lips than replaced it with her own lips. She kissed me sweetly, so sweetly all thoughts of being a gentleman left me. When the kissed deepened I reached up and gripped her arms, pulling her back. "God in Heaven, stop. What are you trying to do to me?"

She shook her head, her lips trembling slightly. "When everything in my life turned upside down, you were the only constant I could see. Every turn I made, there you were. I fought you and what was happening until I realized that I didn't want to fight it anymore. I came here tonight, to you, to only you because it's only you who can make me feel safe and loved."

It was as if time stopped for a moment and the only thing I could see and feel was Sarah. I stared at her, fighting my own desires in a failing effort to stay in control. "You're too upset to realize what you're asking of me, Sarah. I don't want you to have any regrets."

"I have no regrets," she replied softly and came toward me again. I didn't move for a moment, that is, until she slid her hands up my chest to curl her fingers around the lapels of my robe. This, combined with the feel of her mouth on mine, brought me to the edge of my control and before I knew it, I was kissing her back, wildly, hotly and without remorse.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and met my tempo time and time again. I was losing ground, growing more and more lost in the wonder of her kisses. I now knew what I had been put on this earth for and that I loved this woman with every part of my being. I picked her up in one swift motion and carried her to the bedroom, never breaking the kisses that consumed us.

* * *

_Sarah-_

How many times had I dreamed of this moment? Too many to count, I knew, but the reality was so much more than any dream I could have ever had. Taylor's body pressed against mine, lying this way with him was what I had wanted for so long, even though I had refused to admit it.

I could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest and I knew my own mirrored his in much the same way. I had no regrets, not now. I was exactly where I wanted to be, with the man I wanted to be with.

Taylor left my mouth and trailed hot kisses down the side of my neck to my collarbone. I inhaled at the feel of it and lifted my face to give him further access.

"Sarah, tell me now to stop or I won't be able to," he whispered against my skin. I shook my head. "No, don't stop."

"Are you sure about this?" he asked again and I answered by sliding my hands beneath the folds of his robe and pushing it back.

"I'm sure," I said and pulled him down to me. Every part of my body was on fire for him and he quenched it with his kisses, his touch and more. He discarded us of our robes in quick concession so that nothing lay between us but ourselves.

He stared at me as if I were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and I felt beautiful because of his love for me. He slid his hands slowly down my legs and back up over my hips to the flat expanse of my belly and then he came over me and kissed me. I took this opportunity to touch him, to feel the smooth, warm skin of his back where his muscles contracted with each move he made.

He rolled and brought me on top of him and I found I liked having this advantage. He brought my mouth down to his while holding my hair back, letting his fingers tangle in the length of it. I reveled in each touch, each movement we made together.

Finally, when our exploration had reached its peak, it was then that we became one with each other and in those moments of ecstasy, I knew I had found my place of existence. Nothing prepared me for what I experienced and I was sure he had never experienced it, either. Words could not describe what happened to us in that room. It went beyond reason, it went beyond reality and when it was over we lay in each others arms. I smiled at him and he at me, both of us lost in the wonderment of what had happened between us.

After a while when we were able to catch our breaths, I turned to him. "It's late," I whispered and kissed his shoulder.

"Very," he said in return.

I lifted myself to prop my head on my elbow and traced my finger across his chest. "I have to get back before morning. They can't know I was here with you."

Releasing a deep breath, he nodded. "I know, but I don't have to like it, do I?"

I smiled and shook my head. "No, you don't have to like it."

"What happens now? When will I see you again?" he asked pulling on a lock of my hair and brought it to his lips.

"I don't know, but you know I will do everything in my power to come to you when I can."

"I guess that's the way it has to be, but it will never be enough, never, never enough. I want you as my wife by my side every day and every night," he said and pushed himself up to lay me back. "I love you, Sarah. I want to live each day of my life with you."

"I love you, too," I smiled and welcomed his kisses once again, forgetting all pretenses of leaving even as I knew I should…


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Carefully, with my senses on high alert, I took a breath and opened the glass door that led from the back veranda into the rarely used library. To my relief, it was as silent as the dead and I managed to slip inside without a hint of noise and shut it just as silently.

Slipping my hand off the door knob I began to cross, on cautious tip toes to the door when the chime of the grandfather clock in the corner sent me jumping back three feet. I glared in its direction, searching for the breath it had snatched from me.

Nine o'clock.

I closed my eyes, shaking my head for allowing myself to stay out for so long. When I had awoken only a half hour ago, Taylor's arm draped tenderly over me, my cheek resting against his warm chest, my first thought brought my own arm around him, pulling myself closer to him, my second sent my eyes flying open and pushing myself up searching, frantically, for both a clock and the robe I had worn the night before.

"Eight-thirty!" I had cried.

"Too early," he moaned, reaching over for me, obviously unaware of the situation. I had moved away quickly, throwing the covers off of me.

"I have to go!" I exclaimed

Taylor blinked a few times and sat up, looking at my frantic movements. "What time is it?"

I told him and a look of panic swept across his own face and, apologizing, he rushed to help me.

It was a mere blessing that I was able to make it out of Taylor's room, through the hotel and back to my grandmother's house without anyone taking notice of me or where I had been. And now, staying as silent as possible, I slipped out of the library and into the hall, I prayed my luck would continue.

I made my way to the back staircase normally reserved for the household staff, hearing the very faint, but clear voice of my grandmother coming from the dining room. My ears could barely pick up her words, but I heard enough to know that she was well occupied and it gave me the freedom I needed to scurry towards the steps, unaware that Adele, the young upstairs maid was coming down them.

I ran nearly head on into her, but thankfully found my footing in just the nick of time. She apologized and started to continue down the hall when she stopped and let her eyes move over my rumpled state.

"Miss Wilkes, are you alright?" she asked, visibly worried. I knew I must have looked horrid. My hair, un-brushed, my dress wrinkled, both damp from the rain the night before. It was a far cry from my normal, very put-together, self.

"Yes, Adele, I'm fine," I replied, anxious to get up to the safety of my bedroom.

"But your dress-" she said, her eyes lingering on a torn hem.

"I said I'm fine." I repeated in a dismissing voice.

"Who is that?" another voice asked and my stomach immediately tightened as Nan came around the corner and took in the scene before her. Her gaze turned hard and cold on me and I closed my eyes, realizing my defeat.

"Sarah, what in the world has happened to you?"

I looked at her, putting on my mask of innocence. "Nothing," I replied inserting a light laugh, "I was just getting in from a walk."

"A walk?" she question, obviously skeptical. She then turned to Adele and with a wave of her hand, dismissed her. "That will be all, Adele."

Adele curtsied and muttered "Yes, ma'am," before going on her way down the hall and towards the kitchens. How I envied her.

Nan turned back to me, piercing me with her no nonsense glare. "What is the meaning of this? Why do you look like that and I want the truth, Sarah. Do not attempt to tell me a lie."

"Nan, for goodness sake," I shook my head feigning a lack of concern. "What would I have to lie about?"

"Just look at the state you're in. Nothing a simple walk in the garden would bring," she replied before I could make a step away from her.

"I'm sure I do look horrid, I didn't sleep well," I said keeping my tone even. "Now, please, let's talk later," I went to kiss her cheek but she did not move.

"Your hair is damp," she remarked. "And without the faintest smell of soap, I can clearly see that it's not from a bath. Perhaps, last night's rainstorm?"

"That's ridiculous," I tried to laugh, but it didn't come out that way. "Why would I be out in a rainstorm?"

"Clearly I have no idea," she said with a shake of her head. Then a sudden suspicion hit her. "That sailor of yours hasn't come to reclaim you, has he? I'll tell you right now, Sarah, I won't have it!"

"Nan!" I exclaimed. "I did not sneak out to see Harry! I haven't so much as heard from him since I've been here. And, I don't think I like your tone. You're being very unreasonable."

"Then who?" she pressed further. "I don't think I have to remind you that even if tarnished, you still have a reputation to protect."

"My reputation does not need protecting," I nearly snapped, but I quickly calmed myself. Taking a deep breath, I faced her again but she was not finished with her questioning.

"Do not play me for the fool, Sarah. _Who _was the young man?"

I sighed, crossing my own arms. It was apparent I was not going to be able to throw her off the trail of my indiscretion, but I could hardly tell her it was Taylor. I didn't want our night ruined by her prying. I straightened and stared at her and as imposing a figure as she made, I refused to back down to her.

"Nan, my private life is just that... private. I am an adult and I don't have to tell you where or whom I've been with. I'm sorry if you can't understand this, but that's just how it's going to be."

I was expecting her to scream, to turn red in the face and threaten my very existence, but to my surprise she took a breath, letting a small smile creep across her lips.

"I believe I know of whom you're speaking. Shall we just say it's our little secret then?"

"Little secret…" I repeated with a frown.

"Don't be coy with your Nan," she reached up and patted my cheek. "Was it a certain handsome man from the party last night?"

When I didn't answer, her smile widened further.

"How wonderful! I knew my instincts were right. He's such a fine young man, handsome, intelligent, and of course, comes from a very fine family." she leaned and placed a kiss on my forehead, "You have surely redeemed yourself, my darling."

I let her embrace me and didn't say anything more.

"Now, my dear, no more sneaking around. You may see Taylor any time you wish, you are, after all, no longer tied to that sailor," she said with an overly sweet smile, "I want you to know he is always welcome in our home anytime he wants, is that understood?"

I nodded, but said nothing. Though I had no regrets about what I had done, I still felt that the situation was somehow wrong. Taylor and I weren't married, we weren't even engaged. I loved him, yes, but once word got around about my marriage to Harry, and it would, there was no telling what people were going to say about me. If they got wind of my relationship with another man, I could only assume the worst.

Why oh why wasn't I more careful? And more importantly, why wasn't Nan more concerned? Was she so consumed with her own plans to see what was happening? I slowly made my way upstairs after she hugged me once more and went into my room.

* * *

_Taylor-_

I rose shortly after Sarah left. Laying in that bed without her, still seeing the imprint she had left on the pillow next to me, with the memories of the night still fresh in my mind, I felt cheated.

We had had the whole night together, but it still didn't seem like enough. Dwelling on the details only brought me more aggravation and I had to wipe my mind clear before the frustration became too much to handle. There was nothing to cure it except for a lifetime with her, and yet, even though we had both made our feelings known, the future still remained uncertain.

The thought stuck in my mind as I prepared myself for the day and by the time I left my room an hour later, I was already thinking of ways to see her again, even if by accident.

Breakfast was in my parent's suite and I walked the short distance to their door and let myself in.

"Good morning, darling." My mother greeted as I took a seat at the table.

"Morning, son," My father echoed, before taking a sip of coffee, his nose buried in the morning edition of the _New York Post_. As the maid came to fill my plate, both Cal and Sabrina came into the room, saying their own greetings and taking seats at the table. Sabrina sat next to me and immediately became engaged in a conversation with my mother. Cal, sitting across from me, shot me a glare that said he hadn't forgotten about our discussion from the night before.

"…I hadn't noticed, Taylor, who was that woman you were dancing with last night?"

I turned to my mother, her sudden question catching me off guard. "What?"

"I saw you dancing with a woman last night, Taylor." Sabrina spoke up, "A very pretty one at that, who was she?"

"Please Eugenia, you know Taylor," Father said, turning the page of his paper.

"He doesn't keep records."

Cal's face lit with satisfaction, but I chose to not let either one get to me.

"It was Sarah Wilkes, Mother." I answered.

Silence fell over the table. My father lowered the paper, his eyes on me filled with a mixture of surprise and what I could only guess to be a small amount of anger. Cal's behavior last year, distasteful behavior that involved Sarah had enraged my father beyond comparison and he made it quite clear that it was something that would never get a chance to happen a second time.

"Wilkes?" Sabrina questioned, "I don't believe I know that name." She took a dainty bite of her English muffin, chewing slowly.

"She's Hailey Montgomery's granddaughter." Cal informed her uncomfortably.

"Oh, yes." She nodded. There weren't too many people who didn't know who Hailey Montgomery was.

"She's a lovely girl." My mother spoke up, reaching for her water glass, "I believe she married recently though, didn't she?"

Cal sneered in my direction. "I believe she did," he answered.

"Married or not, she has some nerve showing her face here after what happened." My father suddenly snapped. "If her husband had any sense he'd keep her locked away and away from here."

"I completely agree, Father."

Cal's snide remark was met with a glare from my father that sent his gaze down to his plate, defeated like a small child. I nearly laughed in approval, but held myself back.

Mother cleared her throat, pushing away the tension in the air. "Really Nathan, I don't believe the girl is completely to blame. That was a very upsetting time for us all." Her eyes shifted to Cal as she said that and then a pleading glance came in my direction not to add anymore to the subject. Sabrina had no knowledge about her future husband's behavior then, and mother had no desire for her to find out.

"More for some than others," I shot out and smiled with satisfaction as I landed my mark when I saw Cal's face twist in sarcasm.

"Hailey Montgomery has been a friend of the family for years. It would imprudent to say such things about her granddaughter. She's married now and there's no reason for anyone to say such things about her."

Father grumbled an incoherent response and brought his paper back up, a signal we all knew to mean that Mother had won this argument. She smiled and was reaching for her fork when Cal interrupted.

"Perhaps then, you should remind her of her status, Mother," he said without feeling. "She seemed to have been suffering from a slight bout of amnesia last night when I encountered her and Taylor in the south hall. It was shameful, really the way she threw herself at him."

His words triggered my anger, just as they had intended. Fury overtook me without a struggle and I threw my napkin down on my plate. "I told you to keep your mouth shut!"

He glanced at me and slightly shrugged. "I couldn't possibly keep such a secret from Mother and Father. I'd say they have a right to know that there son is committing adultery with a married woman, wouldn't you?"

If a bomb had exploded in the room their faces couldn't have been more shocked. My mother turned to me, her eyes wide. "What in the world is he talking about, Taylor?" I took a hard swallow, knowing I should have been more prepared for something like this. But my mind had been elsewhere, and weakness that Cal had sensed and clearly taken advantage of. I sat there in silence long enough for my father to slam his fist on the table.

"Answer your mother, boy!"

I released a tense breath and shot a stony glare across the table to Cal who was staring back at me smugly, his arms crossed in satisfaction.

"Taylor Hockley, I demand you tell me what your brother is speaking of!" my mother's voice came again, this time clipped and angry. A tone she had rarely used with me. "What is your relationship with Sarah Wilkes?"

"We're friends," I answered tersely, sending my brother into a fit of laughter.

"Friends?" he spat. "Yes, I suppose she was friendly enough when you had her pressed up against that wall having your way with her."

"Caledon!" my mother exclaimed, shocked by his bluntness and I'm sure my actions as well.

I, on the other hand, decided against words and stood quickly, my chair falling backwards at the sudden movement. "You shut your mouth or I swear to God I will shut it for you!" I was ready and prepared to make him pay for what he was doing.

He sat coolly in his chair, undisturbed by my words, "Mother, are you going to let him speak to me that way?"

"Both of you, stop!" my father now bellowed, standing as I had. "I want some answers and I want them now. What is your connection to this Wilkes girl?"

"I told you, we're friends and I will not have him speak of her that way!" I yelled back, my glare fixed on Cal. "She's a good and decent person!"

"Defending her honor, little brother?" Cal asked. "Isn't that a tad bit late considering what you've done with her?"

"Caledon, I think you've said quite enough," my mother's firm voice broke into the calamity around us. "I suggest you take Sabrina and leave us. We need to speak to Taylor in private."

I was in no mood to be badgered or lectured by them, not then and certainly not about Sarah. "There's no need for that, Mother. I'm going now."

"Leaving us so soon?" Cal droned. "You haven't even touched your eggs."

I wanted nothing more than to lunge across the table and release my anger on him, but instead I held my ground and glared my hatred toward him.

"You think your wit has saved you?" I asked grittily. "Not even close. You're an evil, malevolent piece of filth and I have nothing but shame in calling you my brother. You can rot in hell for all I care." My voice was dark and I couldn't help but be satisfied when I saw a shadow pass over his face. I took the feeling with me as I pushed my chair back against the table and strode out of the room, slamming the door behind me.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine

* * *

**Oh you guys, THANK YOU for the reviews! As always, they made my day :)**

**And oh yeah, don't worry, Harry will be back soon...very SOON!**

* * *

With my frustrations guiding me, I found myself at the doorstep of Hailey Montgomery's home. The anger Cal had caused was still coursing through me. I knew it was the last place I should be, but Sarah was the only person I could think of and to hell with whoever thought otherwise.

I rang the doorbell and a moment later a middle aged, stiff looking butler opened the door.

"Sir?" he asked.

"I'd like to see Mrs. Lowe, please."

"Ms. Wilkes, sir?" he asked in a correcting tone.

"Yes, Ms. Wilkes…whatever," I sighed anxiously. "I want to see her."

"Ms. Wilkes is with Master Jonathan at the moment."

"Tell her I'm here then!" I growled, losing my patience.

"And who exactly are _you_, sir?"

Just as my head began to fill with tantalizing thoughts of smearing his face into the door, Sarah's grandmother appeared, looking as regal as ever.

"Norris, you silly man, don't antagonize Mr. Hockley." She then turned to me, a welcoming smile spreading across her lips. "What a pleasant surprise this is, dear. Are you here to see Sarah?"

"Yes," I replied, not able to hide my puzzlement at her behavior. It was almost as if she had been anticipating my arrival.

"She's on the veranda with her little one enjoying the sunshine. I was on my way out to a meeting of my Ladies League, but you are more than welcome to go out and join her." She had Norris open the door for me.

"Thank you," I replied, still confused, but more than willing to seize any moment with Sarah that I could.

"Just go down this hall and through the conservatory," she said with a point of her finger.

"Thank you," I said and bid her farewell, following her directions. I reached the veranda in no time and immediately spotted Sarah sitting at one of the deck tables. A book was in her lap and a black pram at her side.

She looked up when she heard me approaching and quickly set her book down and stood. We seemed to know what the other wanted without words being spoken and we quickly were in each other's snug embrace.

"I was hoping I would see you today," she whispered against my shoulder.

Lacing her hair through my fingers, I voiced the same, holding her even tighter to me. A slight creak in the doorway pulled us away from one another and we both looked over to see Mrs. Montgomery just turning away from the doorway, where she had been obviously been watching us.

I turned back to Sarah, "She knows doesn't she?"

She nodded, "She caught me coming in this morning."

"Wonderful," I replied, and followed her, sinking into the nearest chair. "This is just what we need."

The wind blew around us and she pushed a stray strand of hair out of her face, focusing her eyes on me. "Is something wrong?"

I leaned forward, running an agitated hand through my hair. I didn't mean to come here and take this out on her. I hadn't expected her grandmother to be hovering and watching our every move, though I very well should have. She was a typical society busy body and I shouldn't have expected anything less from her.

"I suppose I should say something while we're on the subject. Cal also knows and he made it a point to present the news at the breakfast table this morning."

She said nothing, but I saw her lips twitch in a mixture of sympathy and dread. I didn't want to lay it on her the way I had, but there seemed to be no other way to do it. Then came a small cry from the pram and it tore both our attentions away.

"Shhh," she soothed, reaching into the carriage and bringing up the baby.

Upon seeing his mother, his face lit up with a toothless grin that made my own heart stir. It occurred to me then that this was the first time I had seen her son and that I honestly hadn't thought much of him before this. But now sitting here looking at him and her together, there was an overwhelming tenderness inside of me that, if possible, made me fall even more in love with her.

She brought him into her lap and sat him up and I was able to get a good look at him and, it seemed, so he could do the same to me. His hair was fair, much like hers, but his eyes were a dark brown that clearly must have been from his father. Everything else about him seemed to be, as I had heard before, George.

She handed him a rattle that he grasped into his small hands and stuck into his mouth. Assured that he was fine, she turned her attention back to me. "Were they angry?"

"I didn't give them a chance to be. I left before the tempers had a chance to flare."

Sarah nodded and then something in the window pulled her attention away once more. She sighed and then turned back to me. "A walk through the gardens sounds lovely, doesn't it?"

"Yes, quite." I replied, taken off guard. Obviously her grandmother was still hovering.

"Just let me take the baby in, he's had enough sun for today."

I nodded and stayed in my seat until she returned. We then stepped down off the veranda and followed a path that snaked through the hedges of the garden. She was silent as we walked, just as I was. My mind was a hurricane of thoughts and I couldn't seem to grasp my hands on just one. Last night flashed before me and was followed by an overwhelming desire to take her into my arms right her beneath the sky and find that moment once again. But then I thought of the child I had just seen, her son, and a newfound affection for her poured over me. It was a new light that I was seeing her in, one that was just as great as the one before, but different.

"You're a good mother." I told her, breaking the silence.

She turned to me and smiled, then just as fast as it had come, it faded and she shook her head, "Sometimes, I don't think I am." She continued walking, "I feel like…even though I'm giving him all I can, its not enough."

"Isn't that the curse of motherhood?"

"Perhaps, but it doesn't make it bother me any less."

"It would be different if Harry was here."

The thought I voiced brought us both to silence. I was sure the news she had received the night before was still unsettled and for me, it brought a guilt to the surface that I had tried hard to keep suppressed.

"Taylor, don't," she had paused, coming to a stop. A cloud was passing over the sun and I turned in its shadow, facing her.

"What?"

"You're feeling guilty and I don't want you to."

"Sarah, telling me what to do is a waste of breath." I said with a half smile, "Many have tried before you and failed."

She failed to find the humor and continued, the serious expression never leaving her face. "Harry left me before I left him. I want to be here and I want to be with you."

"He wouldn't have left if it weren't for me."

"Where is this sudden culpability coming from?"

I looked around. We were well away from the house, out of the line of sight of any peeping grandmothers or nosey servants. "I'm tired of living like this." I finally released. "I love you, and I know you love me. I don't trust my brother any farther than I can throw him, perhaps I hate him even. He will stop at nothing to make me miserable, no matter what anyone else may say and it's not fair to you."

"What are you saying?"

I began to pace. "I don't know…I don't know! I want normalcy!" My words were as scattered as my thoughts and I found myself in front of her, close enough to touch. "You have no idea what you've done to me. I never even knew love like this existed before you and I am nothing without you, Sarah. I can't turn back now. I'd rather die than go on without you. Seeing you with Jonathan just now, everything I felt for you increased to a feeling I can't even measure anymore and I hate myself because a part of me still feels like I'm a thief."

Her hand came up and gently caressed my face. My words had brought tears to her eyes. "No, no, I'm yours and I don't want to be anything but."

"I stole you, Sarah, no matter how you look at it."

She shook her head. "No. My heart has always been yours Taylor, always, even before I knew what love meant, even before I knew you."

"And Harry, you didn't love him?"

"Of course I did. How could I not, he's given me a child, but Taylor," she took my face into her hands, forcing me to look her straight into her radiant green eyes, "I never loved him the way that I love you."

My heart soared at her declaration but still I didn't move from the place where I stood. "And, I love you," I smiled and placed my hand over hers.

"Taylor, don't you understand anything? My love for Harry was a girl's love, what I feel for you is a woman's love. I know with certainty my own heart and it belongs with you."

I don't know what possessed me, but suddenly it was as if I wanted to disappear within her. I cupped her face and brought my mouth down on hers, kissing her with not only passion but with all the love I felt in my soul.

She reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck and brought herself up to me. Sarah's kisses were like the sun overhead and warmed me as only it could do. I loved everything about this woman, everything that she was and wasn't. It didn't matter to me what her family thought and it didn't matter to me what my family thought, the thing that mattered was Sarah and myself and of course, her son. Seeing her with him made me realize that I wanted that very thing. I wanted my child growing inside of her body, a child that would be the product of our love for each other.

I wanted a family with her and I wanted to spend my life loving her. I almost laughed at my thought process. What had she done to me? I, Taylor Hockley, wanted to be a husband and father? A leery thought too many I was sure, but I _did_ want that, more than I ever thought possible.

"Sarah, Sarah," I moaned against her lips. "I can't get enough of you."

"I know," she breathed and ran her hands inside of my suit coat over the material of my shirt. "I know it's wicked but I keep remembering last night. I want to feel that again."

Her words were nearly my undoing and I kissed her until my lungs burned for air. I stepped back and shrugged out of my coat. Near us was a thicket of bushes and several trees, I took her hand and led her over to it where a small clearing lay. I threw my coat on the ground and sat down, pulling her with me.

Immediately, our mouths met again and we fell into a communicable dance of arms and legs. I positioned her beneath me and continued kissing her, running my hands through her soft hair and she did the same to me.

A thought came to me and I stopped. Was I brazen enough to take her right here, right now in the outside? I looked down at her and saw the same passion on her face that I knew was on mine. "Sarah?" I questioned.

"Yes," she nodded and reached up to pluck at the top button on my shirt, releasing it from its hold.

"Are you certain?"

"Yes," she nodded again.

"Here? Like this?"

"Right now, Taylor," she smiled and plucked at the second button.

I felt the breath leave my body and yet it was exactly what I wanted to hear. In a matter of moments most of our clothes were shed, but not all. I didn't want to leave her completely exposed and there was something exciting about not seeing all of her at one time.

Sarah sat up and pushed me down and came over me giving me a delightful view of her neck and her chest above her corset. I nipped at her skin reveling in the taste of her. Was there anything sweeter? She took matter in her own hands when she settled on top of me.

"Oh God," I said in a strangled sigh.

Our joining was exhilarating and heady and I admit, there was something wildly forbidden about being outdoors in this position. It added a flavor of excitement and I wondered if I would ever recover from it.

Every move, every whisper was heightened by the knowledge that though hidden, we were open to the elements. It may very well have been the most erotic experience of my life.

"I love you, Taylor," she whispered as she kissed my chest and then up to my neck.

"This is real isn't it?" I asked cupping her face to look at me. "I'm not dreaming?"

"No, my love, this is no dream," she grinned softly.

"If it were, I wouldn't want to wake up," I said, meeting her mouth with my own again. I could never get enough of her, never, not if I lived a hundred years.

We lost track of time as we explored each other intimately, consumed with each other's pleasure. Every moment with her was a moment in heaven and beyond. This was what I had waited my entire life for. I knew then why I had been put on this earth. I would never love another woman as I loved my Sarah.

But, all too soon time did catch up to us and we knew we had to go back. I ached with thought of leaving her, but propriety kicked in and our responsibilities loomed before us. We slowly dressed and then held hands as we made our way back to the house. Soon, my heart said, soon I would never have to leave her again.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

_-Taylor_

When we came back from the garden we tried to keep our good-bye as platonic as possible, knowing that her grandmother was probably lurking about. But, with the memory of our 'walk' still fresh in both our minds and bodies, it was difficult.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" she asked, her voice dropping to a whisper as we came to a stop near the front door.

Reluctantly I shook my head and informed her that I was leaving for Philadelphia that afternoon. Cal's wedding was Saturday and though I would have rather shoved a red hot poker into both my eyes than be there, I was going. My mother never asked much of me, but I knew that she wanted the entire family there, no matter our feeling for each other.

"I won't see you until then?" she asked me and I saw the longing in her eyes.

"It's only a few days," I assured her.

"Four days," she amended. "What will I do without you?"

"Miss me," I replied, "And think about the moment when we're together again."

"I wish..." she sighed and closed her eyes. "I wish I could go with you, but it's impossible I know."

"Not so impossible." I smiled and pulled her to me, "Go upstairs, get Jonathan and will be away like thieves in the night."

She laughed softly. "You make it sound so easy."

"You make it sound as if it isn't."

"Because it isn't," she shook her head. "You need time to smooth things over with your family and I would only be in the way. And, in all honesty, I don't think seeing Cal in an intimate setting is something I can do right now."

I considered this, and then nodded seriously, "You're right, I'm not sure its something I can do either, but thinking of you and what just happened, will help," I smiled.

"I will dream of it every night," she grinned and touched my face.

"You had better." I added.

"I will miss you so much," she whispered as she stepped close and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Four days is much too long."

I nodded as I held her, it was too long, but there didn't seem to be any other choice. "It will fly by." I told her, "I promise."

"We're arriving early afternoon, or so Nan told me. I requested my own suite so I could have privacy," she said as she skimmed her mouth over my neck. "It'll be hours before the wedding starts... at least two or three."

I felt my body tense in need all over again. I gripped her waist and stepped back from her. "If I don't leave now, I never will."

Sarah smiled and bit her lip. She knew exactly what she was doing to me. "Will you come?" she asked raising her shapely brows at me. "Tell me before you leave so I have something to look forward to."

"Do you really need to ask?"

Satisfied with my answer, she stepped up to me once again and took my hands, tangling her fingers around mine. "I will think of nothing else until then."

I brought her hands up and kissed each of them, "Neither will I." Then, not caring if we were being watched I leaned in a kissed her softly on the lips. "Goodbye."

"Bye, my love," she kissed me once more and I stepped away from her. I turned once after I had gone several feet away and lifted my hand to her. She did the same and then kissed her fingertips as she stared at me.

Though it killed me, I gave her one final smile and nod, before I opened the door and let myself out, heading back to the hotel to face the battle that I knew was waiting for me.

* * *

_-Sarah_

I watched Taylor step into the back of the motorcar and the driver shut the door. Within minutes he was gone and I released a deep sigh of longing. I missed him already.

"Don't worry, darling you'll see him on Saturday," Nan said behind me. I turned to her and saw the approving smile on her face as she stood in the parlor doorway.

"Nan, it's not polite to eavesdrop," I softly reprimanded her. "Please tell me you weren't spying on us."

"Of course not," she answered clasping her hands in front of her. "I was merely arranging a vase of flowers from the garden."

"And, you heard nothing?" I crossed my arms and pointedly stared at her.

"Well," she slightly shrugged the smile returning. "I suppose I did hear mention of the wedding. We could arrive earlier if you would like."

"Nan!" I exclaimed.

"Forgive me, darling. I won't say another word. Only... only it makes me so happy to see you with Taylor Hockley. It's so very obvious you two are meant to be."

"Are you certain you're not saying that because of who he is?"

"I'm saying that because in spite of what you may think, I do love you very much and it has always been my desire to see you happily married to a man worthy of you. Taylor is that man, my dear, surely you believe me when I tell you that."

I considered her words and found that I did believe her. "I do, Nan. But you must promise you won't interfere any more than you have. I know you mean well, but Taylor and I will do fine on our own."

"My, you have grown up, haven't you?" she mused with a proud smile. "I do believe you are a Montgomery after all."

* * *

_Taylor-_

I didn't expect to make it back into my room without being noticed nor did I expect to go unpunished for what had happened earlier at breakfast, what I didn't expect was the parent's presence in my room, clad with calm expressions, awaiting my arrival.

Both were on the couch, my mother perched on the edge staring intently at me as I came into the room and my father slouched back, his legs crossed, his eyes also on me.

"We've been waiting for you." My mother informed me as I shut the door. "We didn't expect for you to be gone as long as you were."

I said nothing, I wasn't about to tell them where I was or who I was with. Instead, I removed my coat and slung it over the back of the chair. Both sets of eyes were on me, but still I was quiet.

"Taylor," Mother spoke my name with diction. "We need to talk."

"No, Mother, I don't think we do. I believe I know what you have to say to me so there is no need to waste your breath in doing so."

"I beg to differ with you, young man," my father's stern voice carried to me.

"Nathan, we agreed we would remain calm," Mother reminded, barely taking her eyes off of me.

"I know what I agreed to, Eugenia but if you think I'm going to stand by while our son ruins his life, you _and_ he, are sadly mistaken."

"I'm not ruining anything," I protested, already annoyed with the conversation. "And it is just that, my life, my choices."

"Taylor, I simply don't know what to think. Sarah is a married woman with a child. Don't you understand what the implications of this could mean for our family?" Mother said spreading her hands to me.

"The family doesn't seem to give a damn about me, why should I about them?" I asked firmly, looking at both of them as I spoke.

"Don't use that language with me, young man," she replied with a frown. "You know very well I'm talking about the fact Sarah is a married woman with a child."

"No, she's not," I came back and then wished I hadn't. Now I was going to be forced to explain the whole sordid situation to them.

"She's already divorced him?" Mother's eyes widened.

"No," I answered, but was cut off by father before I could go further into detail.

"See Eugenia, I told you the girl was no good."

"Don't talk about her that way!" I snapped at him.

"Why do you insist on associating yourself with these kinds of women?" he demanded, ignoring me. "Considering what she did to your brother, I would think you'd be smart enough to steer clear of her."

"She did nothing to him, however the same can't be said for what he did to her," I nearly sneered.

"Taylor, don't start with that again," my mother spoke up. "That was nearly a year ago, its time to move on."

"Tell him that!" I pointed to my father, who was staring angrily at me.

"Please, let's just all calm down," Mother lowered her voice. "I want to know how this relationship between you and she started. How long has it been going on?"

I sighed and fell back into the chair. "It just... happened." I said simply. "It wasn't planned and that's the truth. I visited her when I was abroad a few months ago and it went from there."

"And the marriage?" she prodded me further. "If she's not divorced than how is it she's not married?"

"It was never legal. Some mess about the proper papers not being signed."

She took in what I said and looked to my father then back to me. "Well, this certainly is quite a bit to think about. What of her husband... or whatever he is? Does he know about the two of you?"

"No and I don't believe he cares. He left her some months ago." I left it at that, not wanting to get further into detail with the Rose situation or the guilt I also felt for my involvement.

"Taylor," Mother leaned forward and looked at me, concern on her face. "Darling, you know your father and I only want your happiness, and quite frankly I'm not sure being involved with Sarah Wilkes is prudent. She's a mother with responsibilities and she's very young still. Please think before you do anything rash."

"Rash? You mean like her ask her to be my wife?"

"Yes," she replied quietly as if she were already anticipating my answer. "I do not believe you're ready for such an important step."

Father, however, had his own thoughts on the matter. "I've heard enough of this foolishness! You will end this dalliance with her immediately and that's final."

"I'm sorry, that's not going to happen. I love her," I said in a cool, firm tone. "This isn't just some game I'm playing. I love this woman, and I can't be without her." They both stared at me, stunned at my declaration. I had never spoken to them this way nor had I meant anything more. "I _am _going to ask her to marry me."

My mother's gaze drifted towards my father and I could see her disbelief. My father glared angrily at me. "Do you have no concern for the shame and disgrace you will bring to this family? I won't have it! Do you hear me? I won't have it!"

My mother shook her head at him and turned back to me, "What your father means is that have you thought about what people will say? How they'll react to you marrying a woman with such a scandal attached to her?"

"Mother, I don't give a damn what people will say," I said coolly and turned to my father. "If it concerns you so much, we'll stay away. There are plenty of places we can live without anyone knowing anything about us."

"There's also her child to think of," she went on. "With his real father not around, that puts you in an awkward situation."

I sighed; I was tiring of this whole conversation. "I can take care of him just as if he were my own. I don't see anything awkward about that."

She shook her head and seemed to sink further back into the sofa. "What will people say?" she said under her breath.

"It doesn't matter to me," I stood from my chair and bent on one knee in front of her. "You said you want my happiness, well Sarah IS my happiness, Mother. She's the most wonderful, beautiful, elegant woman I've ever known and I love her," I said with as much emphasis as I could muster. "Don't you understand? I'm _in_ love with her. She's the woman I want to spend my life with."

Mother looked down at me and I could see the doubt still in her eyes, but she took my hand in hers. "Are you sure about this, Taylor?"

"Yes," I nodded firmly. She gave me a small smile and then turned to my father for confirmation of her own wavering feelings. "Nathan?"

"I'm sorely disappointed in you," he said icily, his feelings obviously not wavering in the slightest. "I expected more from you than to purposely attach yourself to a woman such as this. However, as it appears you've made up your mind I want to know this is your mess, not ours. Do not attempt to run to back to us when it all falls apart."

"Don't worry Father, I won't run back to you. Sarah and I are determined to overcome any obstacle we're faced with and that includes our families," I added with a jab.

He shook his head in restrained disdain and then extended a hand, helping my mother up from her seat. "I think we've discussed this enough for one day. I can assume you'll be at the train platform in plenty of time," he said firmly.

"I will," I nodded.

"I can also assume you'll be alone," he said pointedly, conveying his meaning instantly.

"I will be alone, but Sarah and her family are attending the wedding as invited guests… or have you forgotten that?" I smiled good-humoredly.

"Eugenia, tell your son goodbye," he snapped and headed for the door. "Our train leaves at five, I expect you to be there by four."

Mother shook her head and sighed. She leaned up and kissed my cheek and then stared at me as if she still felt she needed to say something, anything to change my mind. Seeing my firm stance however, she smiled warily and turned to join Father.

After they had left, I was able to admit I was glad to have that behind me and I knew, given time, hopefully they would come to accept Sarah and our relationship. I had to believe once they saw how happy we were, they would come to love her as I did and the things of the past would remain in the past forever.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-One

_-Harry_

I leaned on the railing of the ship overlooking the choppy, gray waters of the Atlantic. As I stood there in my civilian clothes among the other passengers, it was a strange feeling to be one of them instead of a crew member. I almost felt out of place among the others strolling around me. I looked down the way and I noticed a young couple near me who were obviously in love. I instantly thought of Sarah.

Of course it wasn't hard. She had been on my mind for weeks now. I couldn't help but wonder how she and our son were faring in New York. What would I say when I saw her again? I'm sorry, I made a horrible mistake? I missed her so much, more than I ever thought possible. She was the only woman I had ever wanted, still wanted in spite of the terrible things that had occurred.

I knew I had to apologize, but I hoped that once I was standing in front of her, the words would come on their own. I only hoped she could find forgiveness for my unforgivable act of cowardice. I was shamed now when I thought of what I had done. The first sign of trouble and I ran, leaving her and our son alone. What choice did I give her but to leave and return to her family?

Somehow, I knew I had but one chance to make up for the many wrongs I had done and to bring my wife back to me. I didn't care about anything but getting to her and if her family tried to keep me away, I was ready for that, too. I fully intended to do whatever I had to, to see them. My arms ached to hold them, to touch them and to make my family whole again. I reached into the inside pocket of my jacket and brought out the only picture of Sarah that I carried with me. I stared at her beautiful, smiling face imagining it was me she was smiling at.

Would I ever see that smile again?

I held the picture close to my heart and let it warm me, letting the love I felt her surround me and give me the courage I needed to do what I had to do.

I could not fail, I would not fail. I needed them and whether her family or anyone else thought so, Sarah and Jonathan needed me.

I scanned the horizon and willed the ship forward to my destination. The faster it went, the closer I came to her. "Please God, please let me have a second chance to bring my family back together," I whispered the prayer.

The sun was beginning to set sending an array colors splashing across the darkening waters. It was a breathtaking sight to behold, but I could only think of one thing and that was in just a few more days I would be with her once again…just a few more days…

* * *

_Sarah-_

I spent those next few days without Taylor in an empty fog where I found each hour without him more torturous than the next. The old saying of absence making the heart grow fonder was fully realized and I often found myself drifting off into one daydream after another with Taylor as the lead character. Nan was highly amused by my act, often catching me gazing out the window or looking into a book, but not seeing its words and had a few good chuckles over the matter.

When the day finally came for us to leave I was a mess of excitement and anticipation, but did my best to keep my composure. We arrived early Saturday morning, just as expected and went straight to our hotel from the station. Jonathan, who had been angel during the trip, started to become fussy once we reached the hotel and Kathleen and I were both quick to get to my suite to get him settled. It took both of us nearly an hour to feed and calm him and finally put him to sleep after which I left him and Kathleen in the adjoining nursery and went into my own room.

I let the door shut behind me and took in the quiet that only a new mother could truly appreciate and that was when the large bouquet of red roses caught my attention. Sitting on the mahogany table near the window, I must have missed them earlier, but there they were, perfectly arranged and as red as any rose should be. I moved over to them and plucked up the card that was nested in the middle and couldn't suppress a smile as I read.

_I have dreamt of you every night. You are always in my heart. Until tonight my love..._

I smiled and lifted the card to my lips. I had hoped we could have time before the wedding, but it didn't look as if that would happen. I didn't mind settling for this though. Knowing that he had missed me as much as I had missed him warmed my heart and I felt my heart jump at the thought of seeing him again.

I put the card back in the flowers and began the tedious task of preparing for the wedding. I wanted to look beautiful for Taylor so I brought the most elegant gown I owned. It was a champagne colored silk with pale pink and ivory beading around the neck and the bodice and the waist. The contrasting colors of champagne, ivory and pale pink flowed between the folds of the dress and spread out behind me in a delicate train. I studied myself in the mirror and saw the glow around me. I looked happy and serene, something I had not been or felt in weeks, maybe months.

An hour later, Nan and I were on our way to the wedding, leaving Jonathan with Kathleen. Nervously, I sat in the car as we neared the church where the ceremony would take place. I wasn't surprised to see the crowd of people filing into the large building when we finally pulled up, after all the Hockley's were one of the richest and most well known families in the country, but my mind was on Taylor and Taylor alone. I wanted this whole thing to be over with so that I could once again be in his arms.

I saw him near the front and my heart leapt in my chest. He looked so handsome in his tuxedo, with his hair combed back. Every woman in the place must have seen what I did but I knew he only had eyes for me and it gave me a deep, satisfying feeling inside.

The usher led both Nan and I down the aisle and directed us to take our seats on the groom's side. I kept my eyes on Taylor the entire time and was elated when he turned in my direction and gave me a soft grin that sent my heart racing.

The ceremony was a quiet, sedate affair and standing before God, family and friends, Cal and Sabrina exchanged vows and became husband and wife. I looked at Taylor and him at me and I imagined, as I hoped he did, that that would be us soon. The couple walked down the aisle and the wedding party soon followed. Afterwards, the reception was held at the hotel where we were staying. Nan and I arrived along with the other guests a half an hour later and soon the party began.

With my champagne glass in hand, I followed Nan as she did her rounds greeting friends and old acquaintances. I uttered a few words of my own, but my attention was set on Taylor. I saw him from across the room and headed toward him. I was nearly to him when, to my surprise, I was looking directly at Cal. I stopped and looked up at him. He was staring down at me with a smirk.

"Well, well, Sarah Wilkes," he drawled. "Imagine _you_ at my wedding."

He had caught me off guard. Of course I should have figured a run in with him was inevitable, this was his wedding after all, why hadn't I been more careful? With a deep breath I took a delicate sip from my glass and put on a steel front. "Hello, Cal, so nice to see you again."

"I wish I could say the feeling was mutual, but as it is..." he trailed off. "At any rate, you certainly know how to cause a stir no matter where you are, don't you, my dear?"

I could see Taylor approaching from behind Cal now, and something came over me. "Well Cal, it's not without practice, but of all people I would think you understand that."

Again, he smirked at me and smoothed down the lapel of his tuxedo. "I can see why my brother finds you so attractive. You haven't lost that fire I always found so alluring about you, Sarah."

"Why thank you, Cal. I'm sure Taylor would agree, wouldn't you, darling?" I asked Taylor who was now standing next to Cal, with a very amused look on his face.

"I would," he answered and came over to me, kissing me softly on the cheek. He turned to Cal as he pulled me close. "Aren't you missing a bride?"

Cal nodded and turned his attention to me. "I could say the same thing for your husband, couldn't I, Sarah?"

I felt myself stiffen at Cal's dig. Taylor gripped my waist tighter as he glared at Cal. "You know the truth, you pompous ass. Why can't you be civil for once in your miserable life?"

Satisfied that he had hit his mark, Cal's smile widened as he stepped back from us. "That is infinitely less pleasurable. At any rate, enjoy the reception," he crooned. "Oh, and do try and restrain yourselves. We wouldn't want any more mishaps such as what happened at our engagement reception."

He walked away and my fists were clenched. Oh what I wouldn't give to smack that grin right off his face! However, unaffected by his brothers words, Taylor chuckled lightly beside me.

"Restrain myself?" his arm still around my waist, he spun me face to face with him and I found a purely wicked smile on his face. I couldn't hide my amusement and my anger for Cal was quickly forgotten. "Very unlikely," his voice was low and hot against my skin and I giggled as he nuzzled my neck. Then before anyone could notice he took my hand into his and pulled me close and we began to dance.

"Perhaps just to spite him," he began with a mischievous tone, "We should adjourn to behind that potted plant and be unrestrained."

"Taylor!" I hushed, looking around us to make sure no one had heard.

He smiled, "Did I offend you?"

"Only slightly," I returned, not being able to resist his smile.

He smiled back and we continued to waltz and though I knew that people must have been watching us, I did not care. I only had eyes for him and no one else mattered.

"I told my parents about you." He spoke up as the music ended.

"You have?" I asked, both surprised and shocked.

He brought me to a far corner, plucking two glasses of champagne off a passing waiter's tray and gave me one. "After I left you that day and after what happened, I knew I couldn't keep it to myself any longer," he smiled at me as he took my hand.

"Were they upset?" I asked quietly, too afraid of the answer.

He let out a small laugh, "Only a bit. They were more surprised than anything else."

"I suppose I'm not exactly the woman they had in mind for you," I nodded knowingly.

"Well at one point you were exactly the woman they had in mind for me." he said reminding me of the plan for us our families once shared.

"But, that was before Harry happened to me." I replied as thoughts of Harry flurried through my mind. I realized I had not given him much thought in the last few days. Guiltily, I lowered my head. "Before I ran away and became pregnant and married him only to find out that he was not really my husband. I'm not exactly without baggage am I?"

He set his glass aside and lifted my chin so that our eyes met, "That doesn't make one bit of difference to me."

"It may to them."

"They'll love Jonathan. He's already one hundred times more behaved than Cal and at least two hundred times more mature." he joked and then smiled softly, "They will accept you both, I promise."

"I don't want to embarrass your family," I admitted. "But, as long as I have you, I can face anything that happens."

"And you do have me, never forget that," he pulled me close again, staring deeply into my eyes.

"Taylor," I smiled and leaned into him. I could smell the faint aroma of cologne on him as I did. _How much he affects me_, I thought and linked my hands with his. Lowering my voice, I whispered in his ear. "How much longer do we have to stay?"

"A mere thirty seconds, but I don't think anyone would mind if we left early."

I smiled at his response and let him lead me through the crowd. We stole away to the elevators hoping that no one saw us. I stood close to him, anticipating what was to come once we reached my room. When the doors slid open, we fairly raced to my room door and unlocked it, laughing like children as we fumbled with the key. Once inside, we fell into each others arms and blocked the rest of the world away, forgetting everything and everyone, except for the love and passion we had for each other.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two

_Harry-_

I had finally made it to America and now I was on a mission to find my wife. I knew she was probably staying with that grandmother of hers near Philadelphia. It took me two full days to arrive there from New York City, but I was not going to be deterred. A million thoughts ran through my mind as I drove through the massive gates. Although I had never been there before, I seemed to be well known when the door was answered by an elegant elderly man I assumed was the butler.

"I'm here to see my wife, Sarah Lowe," I informed him. He stared at me as if I crawled out from beneath a rock.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Lowe, Miss Wilkes is not here." the stiff looking butler said.

"Where is she then?" I demanded, ignoring that he had referred to my wife by her maiden name.

"She is away," was his only reply and I felt myself growing more and more frustrated with the situation.

"Away where?" I asked again.

"I'm not at liberty to disclose that information."

I glared at him angrily. "I SAID I want to know where my wife and son are."

He laughed dryly at my demand, "Your son and his mother are not here, as I've said they are away and that's all you will get out of me."

I gripped my fists by my side in an attempt to hold my anger at bay. "I have come a bloody long way to see my wife and since you won't tell me where she is, I suppose I'll just have to stay here and wait for her to return." I pushed him aside and bore my way into the large foyer. I stopped short and looked around at the grandeur of her home. I knew she was from money, but the reality of it smacked me in the face at the sight of it.

"Sir I demand you leave this instant! You are trespassing and I will have you removed by force if you don't oblige!"

"Do what you have to, but I'm not leaving here until I see her," I turned to him and crossed my arms. His face bloomed red with indignation, but I was not going to move, not without Sarah.

"Philadelphia," he said after a long silence, his jaw clenched as he spoke. "They're in Philadelphia and won't be returning until late next week, now if you please, remove yourself from this house."

"Where in Philadelphia?" I pressed him. "Where are they staying?"

"They are staying at the Rittenhouse Hotel. That's all I know, now please leave."

I took one more glance around the home that Sarah had been raised in and felt a cold chill run through me. She had left all of this for me and what I had done? I had taken her trust and love and thrown it back at her. What a fool I was, I thought bitterly, but I knew I could win her back. I only had to see her. I left Hailey Montgomery's home and caught the earliest train into Philadelphia. I would arrive by morning and then I could right the wrongs I had done.

As the train moved slowly down the tracks, the motion of it calmed my nerves and I found myself lulled by the feel of it. I closed my eyes in sleep and the only picture I could see was Sarah's beautiful face. I could hardly wait to see her and I hoped beyond hope that she would be glad to see me, as well.

I slept through the night as the train journeyed through the countryside, leaving mile after mile behind us to our destination. The next morning the train pulled into Philadelphia and I collected my bags. I found the hotel easily. It was quite large and grand, just as I had expected it to be and I found the front desk immediately to find out Sarah's room number.

"Miss Wilkes is staying in Suite Forty Three. Shall I ring her for you?" the clerk asked me.

I shook my head at him. "No, that's fine, I'll just go up."

"Very well, sir," he nodded and I stepped back from the desk and walked over to the elevator. It seemed the ride up took forever, I was nervous, but my excitement over seeing Sarah and Jonathan again was enough to keep that feeling suppressed. When we came to a stop and doors opened I took a breath before I stepped onto the floor. I went to the left and down only a few yards before I was finally standing in front of Sarah's room.

* * *

_Taylor-_

Sarah's breathing was slow and patterned, her chest rising and falling in a rhythmic motion that was near hypnotic. One arm was over her stomach and the other angled towards her head with her fingers curled slightly, and it was the most beautiful sight that I had ever seen. Her hair cascaded around her and on the pillow in soft, buttery ripples that I just wanted to sink my fingers into, but I held myself back, wanting to enjoy the moment for as long as it would last

Shortly after I had awoken, I moved out of the bed and dressed, pulling on my pants and throwing on my shirt before I was distracted by the blue velvet box in my pocket. Without even finishing with the buttons on my shirt I fell slowly down into the chair, removing the box the seclusion of my pocket. And in my hand it remained, unopened as I became a knot of nerves, trying to find the words, the courage to wake Sarah and say what I needed to say.

She stirred then, turning over in the bed, her arm reaching over to search for me in the spot where I should have been. When she realized I wasn't there, her eyes slowly opened and she turned to the left and then the right before she focused on me in the chair.

"What are you doing?" she asked sleepily.

"Watching you," I smiled as I slipped the sleeve of my shirt over the box. She smiled back, sweeping a lock of hair away from her face. "Do you know you twitch your nose when you sleep?" I asked her with a grin.

"I do not," she rolled on her side to face me. I crawled to the edge of the bed, slipping the box back into my pocket unnoticed. I slid up next to her and propped myself on my elbow.

"You do and it's absolutely adorable," I said kissing the tip of her nose.

She laughed softly and pushed herself up to kiss me on the mouth. "Come back to bed, its not quite morning yet."

I traced the outline of her jaw softly with my finger and then down her neck. "It is morning, it's nearly seven o'clock."

"What does time matter anyway?" she asked and pulled me closer, "Stay here. I don't care about being proper anymore." Her hands were now at the buttons on my shirt.

"Sarah," I started and took her hands in my own. "There's something I think we should talk about... something important." She immediately frowned at me and stilled her movements.

"What's wrong?" she asked quietly.

"Nothing," I shook my head. "That's just it. Nothing's wrong, not anymore. For once, everything is right. I love you and you love me, we want to be together. I've waited my entire life for you, you're all I want and will ever want."

"Taylor, you're telling me what I already know," she smiled, relief apparent in her eyes.

"Sarah," I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed it. "I know we've talked about it before, but now I know I want to spend my life with you. I have no doubts about it. I love you more than anything, more than my own life." I reached into my pocket and withdrew the box, my eyes never leaving her face as I did. I watched as her eyes went wide with surprise and dare I say a bit of anticipation. "Marry me?" I asked as I opened the box and presented the ring to her.

I heard her intake of breath as she sat up, clutching the sheet to her body. She stared at the diamond glittering snugly in the black velvet lining and then to me.

"Taylor..." she started, but lost her voice. Her eyes came to mine, but she remained silent. With no answer, I began to panic slightly.

"If you don't like it I can find something else."

"No," she shook her head as tears formed in her eyes. "It's perfect." She looked back up to me and suddenly she rose, the sheet nearly falling from her and her arms came around me. I gripped her tightly when we both threatened to spill from the bed. She began raining kisses on my face and laughing through her tears. "Yes, yes, yes," she said breathlessly. "Yes, I will marry you."

"Then put this on before you test my nerves anymore." I joked, pulling back. She laughed, wiping her eyes as I took her hand and slipped the ring on her finger. It fit perfectly.

"Oh," she gasped and held it up. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"I could say the same for you," I replied and brought her hand to my lips, kissing it softly. That passion that was always present between us, ignited then and our lips found one another. The kiss began simply enough but it soon became more. I laid her back on the bed and came over her, allowing her to slide the shirt from my torso. She tossed it aside and reached for me again when a knock suddenly reverberated from the door in the other room. We stopped and looked toward it.

"Who could that be this early in the morning?" I asked, irritated at the interruption.

"It's probably Nan or Kathleen. I have to get it, I'll only be a moment," she kissed me quickly and stood. She grabbed her robe and slipped it on, breezed through the doorway and closed the door behind her.

* * *

_Sarah-_

I shut the door behind me, for both Taylor's privacy and my own and made my way to the main door. Another knock came just as my hand came down on the knob and I opened it and came face to face with the last person I expected to see. Shocked silence filled the space between us and I felt a tremor run through my body as if I had been struck by lightning.

"Hello, Sarah," Harry said to me, but I was too shocked to move, to speak, to do anything but stand there and stare at him. My hand, coated with sweat, gripped the door handle and I continued to stare in shock at him, the man who still thought himself to be my husband, knowing that the man who had just asked me to be his wife was in my room, in my bed, waiting for me.

"Harry," I finally found my voice.

"Did I wake you?" he asked and I realized I was in my robe, with absolutely nothing on underneath. I gripped the lapels together and crossed my arms.

"No, I... I was awake," I managed to answer.

He smiled unaware of my discomfort, "I know this is a shock, me showing up like this."

"Yes," I nodded in agreement. "What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

"I went to your grandmother's house. Her butler told me where to find you," he sighed, "I know, I'm probably the last person you want to see, but..." he suddenly stopped and his eyes fell to where my hands were still clinched around my robe. "What's that?" he asked.

I saw his face darken for a moment and I looked down to where he was staring and saw the ring glittering on my finger. The breath nearly left my body when I looked back up at him, but I didn't say anything.

"Sarah?" Taylor voice came and I felt myself sink even lower into the black hole that surrounded me. Harry's eyes filled with fire and I went numb and mute as Taylor stepped behind me and unwillingly fueled the blaze inside of Harry.

"Lowe," Taylor's voice hardened and I watched as Harry's face darkened to a murderous rage.

"You bloody bastard," Harry glowered harshly between his clinched teeth.

He started towards Taylor, but I found myself stepping in front of him, blocking Taylor even if he was more than prepared to defend himself. "Harry, no, don't."

Suddenly his eyes darted to mine and I saw a multitude of anger, hurt and pain flash behind them. Guilt gripped me as strongly as if he had slapped me.

"Is this what you've been doing since you left me?! My God, what a bloody damn fool I've been," he sneered.

"Harry, I-"

"Don't speak to her that way," Taylor interrupted me, wrapping his arm around me protectively.

"You shut your mouth before I shut it for you!" Harry pointed at Taylor, his eyes glittering in anger. "I should have killed you when I had the chance!"

"Harry if you would just stop and listen to me I can explain." I pleaded.

"Explain?" he laughed crudely. "Oh, I think the explanation is quite clear from where I'm standing. My _wife _is bloody whore."

His words were a slap in the face, but before I could react Taylor's temper was flared. "Watch your damn mouth!" he fired at him. "Your anger is for me, not for her."

Harry snarled and suddenly lunged for Taylor. "You slimy bastard!"

I screamed as they slammed into each other. "Stop, don't do this!" I reached for them, but they were beyond listening to me. Harry's fist connected with Taylor's face and sent him sprawling into the wall. I jumped in front of him and braced my hands on his chest. "Don't Harry, don't do this!"

Harry glared down at me, his eyes burning with rage. "You expect me to stand by and let him have his way with you? You're my wife, Sarah! Mine, not his!"

"No, I'm not!" I blurted. I felt the blood drain from my face as the shock of my admission landed between us.

He looked at me as if I had gone mad and my eyes fell, unsure of my next move. I hadn't intended for him to find out this way but there was no going back and the truth was as heavy as a thousand bricks on top of me. I heard Taylor come up behind me, his breathing deep and ragged.

"That's right, Lowe, she's not your wife, but she is going to be mine."

"What in the hell are you talking about?" Harry thundered, looking at us both.

"Taylor, please don't," I turned to him pleadingly. "Please, let me talk to him alone. Please, Taylor."

"I'm not leaving you alone with him," he shook his head firmly, his dark eyes never leaving the permanent glare that was fixated toward Harry.

"Taylor, please, I have to do this alone," I told him. "I owe him that."

"You don't owe him anything," he shook his head stubbornly, but I looked at him pleadingly and I nodded slowly. "Yes… I do."

Taylor stared at me and I knew that he saw the determination on my face. I needed to talk to Harry alone, to explain what happened. He deserved to know the truth, the whole truth. _Please_, I mouthed to him and finally and with great reluctance, Taylor gave a short nod. He left us for a moment to gather his things and I moved to the door to wait for him.

When he reached me, he deliberately drew my close and kissed me, making sure Harry saw. "If he hurts you," he whispered harshly when he pulled back.

"He won't," I shook my head.

He gritted his teeth and glared back at Harry, who was standing there watching us with clenched fists and barely restrained anger. He finally stepped through the door and left us alone. I leaned against the door to brace myself and to gather my thoughts for a moment.

"Sarah, what in the bloody hell is going on here? What did you mean you're not my wife?" Harry's cold voice cut through the silence. I turned to him and crossed my arms.

"Let me dress and I'll explain everything."


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty Three**

_Sarah-_

A few minutes later, I was dressed and ready to face Harry...at least that was the lie I told myself so I would leave the bedroom and face what was waiting for me on the outside. I found him sitting rigidly in the high back chair, his eyes narrowing as I entered. I was searching frantically for the right words to begin the conversation, but Harry was one step ahead of me.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on here?" he asked roughly as he stood.

"It's complicated," I said, crossing my arms defensively in the wake of his anger.

"Really?" he nearly snapped. "That's quite an amazing summation considering I find you in bed with the man whom you swore you weren't having an affair with."

"It's not like that!" I fired back. "I didn't mean for it to happen, Harry. I swear I didn't."

"That might be a bit more convincing if you weren't half undressed and wearing Hockley's ring when you opened your door to me!" he pointed at me angrily. "Spare me your lies, Sarah. I can see for myself what's been going on here, I'm not an idiot."

"If you will just let me explain," I begged of him. "I swear to you, what happened with Taylor and I wasn't planned or intentional. I was _not_ having an affair with him when you left and that's the truth."

He laughed harshly and turned from me. "You really must think I'm daft if you expect that I can believe anything you say now."

"But it's the truth, nothing happened between us until I found out about-" I stopped myself, covering my mouth. How would I ever be able to explain it to him when I barely understood it myself? I closed my eyes and released a deep sigh.

"About what?" his clipped question filled the room.

"I don't know how to tell you," I whispered, still not able to look at him.

"Tell me what?" his voice rose impatiently. "What in the bloody hell is going on?"

I didn't answer him right away. The emotional tide I was feeling threatened to overwhelm me and carry me away and for a moment I wished that it would. Anything would have been better than standing here facing Harry and his anger and hurt. I wasn't prepared for this to happen… not yet.

"Are you going to answer my question, Sarah? What are you trying so hard not to tell me?"

I lowered my hands and looked over at him sympathetically. "Harry, I don't understand it completely, but it seems our marriage wasn't," I paused, "isn't legal. We're not married," I said and watched as his face betrayed all of the shock I knew he must be feeling. "I'm sorry."

'Wait," he held up his hand and shook his head. "That's impossible. We were married on that ship, we had witnesses,that damnable aunt of yours and her husband. We have the documents to prove it."

"I know," I nodded, "but you know I wasn't of age at that time and my grandmother didn't give her consent as my legal guardian and since we were in foreign waters, there's something about it not being allowed since I'm from America, or something to that effect…" my voice trailed off weakly.

Harry's arms crossed tightly in front of him. "That's not true, we were married dammit!"

"Do you think I was any less shocked? I didn't believe it, either but its true, Harry, it's the truth."

"That can't be," he shook his head. "There's been some kind of mistake or that grandmother of yours-" he stopped and a slow, sardonic smile spread across his face. "Your grandmother, that's it, that has to be it. She manipulated this whole thing."

"What?"

"Oh come on, Sarah, you're not that naïve are you? Your grandmother probably arranged this whole thing as a way to get me out of your life permanently and from where I'm standing it looks as if it worked in her favor."

"No, she wouldn't do that and even if she did, do you think I wouldn't make certain of it myself? I went to an attorney on my own and he confirmed what her attorney told me. We aren't married and we never were."

His face darkened as the realization of the situation became all too real and irrefutable. "Well, I guess that just makes it convenient for you, doesn't it? No husband, no divorce, no mess. Congratulations, Sarah."

"Don't start that with me. I'm not the only one to blame here and you know that!"

"I made a mistake, I admit it. But, it was my intention to come home and I did, but when I got there, you were gone. I was ashamed of what I had done and of the way I behaved and I wanted to tell you that."

I stared over at him and shook my head. "It seems we were at cross purposes then. I stayed for two weeks waiting for you to come home and when you didn't come, I left. I didn't know what else to do."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and I could see his jaw flex in agitation. "Just answer me this. Was Hockley with you when you left?"

"No," I replied, "but he was on the ship I was on." I replied honestly, not wanting any more secrets of lies between us, "I didn't know it until we ran into each other."

"How opportune for you both," he bit out sarcastically.

"I told him to stay away from me!" I cried. "I wasn't going to act on my feelings and I did have feelings, Harry. I admitted that to you but I wasn't going to do anything about it and I didn't, not then."

"How very noble of you," he stared coldly at me and then he moved to stand over me, a harsh laugh emitting from deep inside of him. "You sit there so pious and tell me proudly of your fidelity to me as if it were something you had to force yourself to do! How is that supposed to make me feel?"

"I'm trying to tell you how it was!" I stood and faced him hotly. "I still loved you and wanted to make it work, but I had these feelings for Taylor that I couldn't deny and when it looked like you were gone for good and then I discovered that we weren't married I acted on those feelings. I'm not proud of myself and I never meant to hurt you but what's done is done and I can't change it!"

"You never even tried to find me! You were never going to, were you? If I hadn't have shown up here you would have just gone on with your life as if I were never in it, weren't you?" he grabbed my arms and held me. "Weren't you?!"

"I don't know!"

"Yes, you do, it's obvious by this," he held up my hand and gestured to the ring Taylor had given me not even and hour before. "Admit it!"

"Yes!" I yelled and we both stopped and looked at one another as the truth spilled from me. I bit my lip as tears formed in my eyes.

"Well, that's the first thing you've said I truly believe," he smirked angrily.

"Why did you come back?" I asked accusatorily and jerked back from him. "Why did you have to come here now when I finally was moving on and taking back my life?"

"Because I love you, that's why! Because I was a miserable mess without you and Jonathan and because I couldn't go one more day without seeing you,"

"Three and half months, Harry! Three and half months you've been gone from us. You can't just come back as if nothing happened, we can't just pick up the pieces and act as if nothing happened. Its over."

"It'll never be over," he bit out. "Jonathan is my son, MINE and I'll be damned if I'm going to let a Hockley raise him."

"You lost that option when you ran out on him," I threw back at him and I saw his eyes glitter dangerously low beneath his lashes. His body was nearly touching mine and he was standing so close that I wanted to move away, to break the tension that was palpable between us.

"Don't you dare say that to me," he said indignantly.

"Then don't threaten my son to me," I came back just as strongly. "I will always have his best interest at heart and would never allow any harm to come to him. You are his father and you always will be and I would never stop you from seeing him anytime you want but Taylor is going to be a part of my life and therefore part of Jonathan's as well!"

"Not as long as I have a say," he bitterly shook his head, "and I do, don't you _ever_ forget that."

"And don't you forget that it has been me that has been with him, taking care of him and doing what's best for him. Taylor is a part of me now and I'm sorry Harry, but you can't tell me what to do with my life and that extends to Jonathan."

"The hell you say!" he snapped. "You both were mine before you were his and I'll be damned if I'm going to step aside and just let him take you from me!"

"He didn't take me from you, Harry! We tried to fight our relationship, we truly did, but it became too strong for both of us to deny. I don't want to say that to hurt you, but I can't and won't lie to you."

"Stop it!" he pulled me close to him, his face mere inches from my own. "I won't let you go to him, Sarah, I swear to God I won't."

"Let go of me!" I squirmed but Harry was beyond listening to me. He grabbed my head and lifted my face crashing his mouth onto mine in a searing, bold kiss. My head began to swim from the force he was using, but still he didn't stop. I pushed at him but he was too strong and too determined to make me surrender to him. I felt my legs give beneath me and I would have fallen but Harry lifted me up and held me tight.

I finally pushed back with enough force to break his hold on me, sucking in a deep breath of air as I did. "Harry, you're hurting me!" I managed to gasp out.

A loud wail from Jonathan filtered into the room and I knew he had just woken. Kathleen would be coming for me any time so in desperation, I took the opportunity to break through to him. "Jonathan's awake," I said quickly, still pushing at him. "He's awake and you can see him now, Harry."

With his breaths coming hard, he glared down at me and I knew I had reached him. "Jonathan?" he said and looked toward the door where his cries were coming from.

"Yes, he's awake and probably hungry. I have to go to him," I nodded and stepped back as he released his grip on me. I straightened my clothes and hair and took a few calming breaths, grateful that my son had woken when he did. Just as I predicted, a soft knock came at my door and Kathleen walked in holding a teary-eyed Jonathan in her arms.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company," Kathleen stopped and stared at Harry.

"It's alright, Kathleen, this is my…this is Jonathan's father, Mr. Lowe."

"Pardon me," she curtsied, "I didn't mean to interrupt but you know he likes to have his Mama take care of him in the mornings," his pudgy arms reached for me as she handed him over and I took my son in my arms. He immediately laid his head on my shoulder and I felt calmer by having his warm little body against mine.

Kathleen exited the room and left us alone, the three of us. I patted Jonathan's back and stepped over to where Harry was standing. For the first time since he had entered my room, he smiled when he saw his son. I turned him around and faced him toward Harry. Jonathan stared at him solemnly, his little baby face puckering as if in a pout.

"Hey there, big guy," Harry smiled and reached for him. Jonathan didn't protest, but neither did he respond to his father when he took him from me. He held him gently as he moved to the seat and sat down with him. "He's bigger," he said as he looked him over with unabashed pride.

"He's six months old. He's not an infant anymore."

"I've missed so much," he voiced regretfully, "but, I promise, I won't miss anymore time, son. I'm going to be the best daddy I can be to you," he stood him up on his stout little legs in front of him as he spoke.

Jonathan began to squirm, his face twisting into a cry I knew he would soon release. He twisted his head to me and I reached for him but Harry stopped me. "No, he has to get used to me again."

"He's hungry, Harry and he needs to be changed," I said firmly, my motherly instincts kicking in. "Unless you want a very unhappy child on your hands you'll let me take care of him."

Reluctantly, he handed him back to me and I took him into his room to change him. I felt Harry follow me and stop behind me as I went about my task. I took one of the bottles Kathleen had left for me and settled down in the chair to feed him. He sucked hungrily on the nipple, his fat little fists gripping it tightly. Harry sat across from us and watched.

"I miss this," he said quietly as he looked over to me. "I miss seeing you like this with him. I had forgotten how truly beautiful you both are."

"Harry," I sighed, trying to keep the emotional buffer in place between us. "I'm sorry all of this had to happen, but we have to find a way to work it out, if for no other reason than for him."

"There's nothing to work out, Sarah," he said and I saw a determination in his face that I knew and understood all too well. "I know now that I can't let you go, you or Jonathan. You're my family and I didn't come all of this way to leave without you. You and I and our son, we're going back to our home in Liverpool and when we do… it'll be as husband and wife and mother and father to Jonathan, and don't give a damn what Taylor Hockley has to say about it."


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty Four**

I stared at Harry as if he gone mad. Surely, I did not hear him right, but I knew I had. I shook my head in disbelief. "I can't leave, Harry. I couldn't, not now."

Immediately, Harry's face darkened and he leaned forward. "Do you think I'm leaving here without my son? No, Sarah, I meant what I said. You and Jonathan are going back with me."

I felt myself clutch Jonathan tighter in my arms, Harry's cold gaze sending a chill throughout my body. "No, Harry, I won't. Jonathan and I belong here now. I've made my feelings on the subject very clear. There's no need to discuss it any further."

"Do you take me for a fool, Sarah? Do you honestly believe that I'm going to let Hockley raise my son? That child is my flesh and blood and I intend to raise him... me, his father and I'll do it with or without you."

My eyes snapped back to him immediately, "What do you mean, without me?"

"You heard me. Don't force me to do something drastic," he said, his voice never wavering. "I am within my rights to take my son and leave here without you. Is that what you want to happen?"

"You wouldn't!" I yelled, startling Jonathan with my sudden vehemence and he instantaneously began to voice his distress. I put the bottle aside and quickly rose, patting his back, apologizing to him as I tried to comfort him, though my anger towards Harry was still rising. "This is absurd! I'm his mother, Harry. He needs me."

"And I am his father!" he declared and stood as well. "But, you've managed to forget that in your eagerness to move on. I'm telling you, Sarah, I will not be pushed aside so easily. Either you come with me now or I take Jonathan and leave you behind, it's your decision."

"You will never take my son from me!" I hissed and Jonathan's screams grew louder, almost as if he understood Harry's declaration and I stood there, struggling to calm him and with my growing anger. "How dare you threaten me this way, Harry. I never dreamed you'd stoop to blackmail to get your way."

"Take it as you please," he gritted, "but either way, my son will be with me."

"Why are you doing this to me?" I shook my head in frustration.

"Because, you belong with me, not him! Because you're MY family, not his!"

"Going with you won't change anything about the way I feel, Harry. This isn't just some affair, I love Taylor. You can't ask me to choose between him and my son!"

"Enough!" he roared and grabbed my arms so that Jonathan was pushed between us. "Don't you ever say that to me again!"

Jonathan's howls had reached a fever pitch now and I pushed myself back from Harry's grip. "Stop this now! You're scaring him, can't you see that?" I turned away from him and began to soothe my baby. I bounced him and patted his back as I tried to gather my own scattered thoughts. I could feel Jonathan's little heart racing and I knew it matched my own.

"Have you no shame?" Harry asked bitterly behind me. "You stand there and tell me you love that man. You've changed, Sarah. He's changed you into someone I don't even know anymore."

"No," I wheeled around furiously. "He's allowed me to grow up, something you could and would never do."

"If I did it's because you behaved as a child, much as you're doing now," he shot back nastily.

"That's a horrible thing to say to me," I replied but Harry was quick to respond again. "Is it any more horrible than trying to keep my son from me or bedding Taylor Hockley?"

"I have not kept your son from you and my relationship with Taylor is my own business and concern, not yours!"

"The hell you say!" he snapped. "What you do concerns my son and my son concerns me, so you couldn't be more wrong on that account."

"I'm tired of this," I shook my head as I continued to keep Jonathan calm in my arms. "I want you to leave. We'll talk again later when you're not as angry or unreasonable."

"I don't think so," he shook his head resolutely. "The only way I'm leaving here is with him."

"I won't have you upsetting him like this. This meeting has gone far enough and we've said all there is to say. Now again, please leave, Harry."

He crossed his arms tightly. "I'm not leaving. This is not settled so for the last time, make your choice… is it going to be your son or your lover? It can't be both."

My lips were tightly pursed, I couldn't bring myself to answer the horrid question. The thought of leaving Taylor was far too painful and letting Harry take Jonathan, my son, my baby...I couldn't even stomach. I clutched his little body closer to me pressing his wet face against my own. I couldn't let him go, I just couldn't.

"You can't force me make this decision like this. I can't do it," I answered keeping my frustrations with him in check. "I have to have time to think out what to do. There's too much at stake."

"There's nothing to think about, Sarah. It's either your son or your lover."

"I can't do it, stop badgering me!"

"Let me make the choice easier for you," he stepped forward and wrenched Jonathan from me before I could even react. "You're coming with me, both of you. I'll wait while you pack."

"No!" I reached for my son who let another piercing scream. "Please, don't do this, Harry. I beg of you, don't do this."

"I'm sorry, but I have no choice. I have to keep my son's welfare in order. He comes before anything, ANYTHING and that includes you or Hockley."

I felt my limbs weaken and I knew Harry would never see reason, not now, maybe not ever. His hatred for Taylor had escalated to the point that he would rather I suffer than stay with him. I felt the tears come unbidden in my eyes as defeat and remorse swept over me. If I had any choice, it was now gone for I could never live without my child and Harry would never let me have any peace if I did chose to stay.

I saw my happiness with Taylor fading as quickly as it came and my heart broke into a million pieces at the thought of hurting him and never being with him as we had planned. One day I hoped he would understand. I couldn't live without my son, I couldn't bear it for even one day.

I lifted my head to Harry and swallowed the bile that rose up in my throat. "Very well, Harry. You win. I'll go with you. I'll be packed and ready to leave within the hour."

A victorious smile came over his face and he lifted Jonathan in the air. "We're going to be a family again, son. You, me and your mother. It will be just as it should be and nothing and no one will come between us ever again. Isn't that right, Sarah?"

I closed my eyes and nodded weakly as a single tear slid down my hot cheek. _Please forgive me, Taylor… please forgive me._

* * *

Nearly an hour later, still shaking from the events of the morning, I finally managed to breakaway from Harry and shut myself into my room, locking the door securely behind me. I had told him I needed to pack and with no reason to not believe me he took Jonathan back into the nursery leaving me to my own. I was so lost, my heart was broken into a million pieces because the decision I had been forced to make, and now here I was so unprepared to live with the life that I had been made to choose. 

It was not Harry that had been speaking to me, not the Harry I knew and had once loved. This was a completely different man, one who wore the strain of guilt and anger and was not about to experience those feelings for a second time. I couldn't help but wonder if this was his way of punishing me. I suppose I just couldn't understand why he would even want to be with me, especially after he had seen Taylor and I together. He had suffered and now it seemed he wanted me to do the same. Either that or he had gone completely mad.

I didn't know what to think.

A sound rapping came from the outside of my locked door and I swallowed the hard lump in my throat as I went to it, futilely preparing myself for another round of Harry's insanity. But it was not Harry that I found.

"Ada?" my grandmothers young chamber maid was standing there, pale as the ghost she appeared to have encountered. Her face was damp and a hankie was clutched tightly in her fist. "Ada, what is it?"

"It's your grandmother, Miss Sarah."

"My grandmother?" My heart was pounding so loudly as I uttered the words, I wasn't sure myself if I had even said them. Doom clouded over me and I knew, just knew that something was wrong, terribly wrong. As if he could sense that something was wrong, Harry appeared behind Ada, Jonathan in his arms. His eyes were on me as I heard Ada say,

"She's dead."


End file.
